The smoked expanded into the wind like water color,
Rolling as it disappeared into the moon.
“Nothing is permanent”
Your voice whimsical and airy in my memory now.
“Even when it feels like it,
Even if you lay down roots and start a family.
You can always change,
You are free to be whomever you want.”
Your words spoke to me last night, my dear friend.
And reminded me.
So, I close my eyes and jump.
It’s a rose tinted nightmare now,
Dripping with fictional residue.
I don’t know how I ended up there,
Though I remember my soda perfectly.
The glass bottle gleamed in the sun light,
Thick smoke wrapped its way around my whole
And provided a freedom, cut off from reality.
I know you as a stranger
I know me as a stranger
But it didn’t matter at the time.
I needed the kind of release you can get
Only with a stranger,
Just that moment.
Sadness flowed down my cheek,
My anonymity was stripped away in an instant.
Props held the weight of my world,
I tried to stay in the room.
I don’t think I’ll ever return
Though I know sadness will.
Because I took away your softness
I unloaded my weight onto you without permission
And for that, I am truly sorry.
I have jumped off
Ran in the rain
Took a big breath
Talked through the pain
I’ve sat on the beach
Purchased a home
Said nothing at all
But never felt alone
You’ve been by my side
Asked me to leap
We’ve been high in the clouds
And in water so deep
I don’t know if I would
Have pushed myself there
I take a big breath
And fly through the air
Your hands always close
Your comfort is round
I’ve never been so happy
When my feet leave the ground
I was told once the brain is our biggest enemy,
Thinking; the down fall of a species.
At the time
I couldn’t have disagreed more.
For the brain, as I thought, was what makes us feel,
See, understand, move.
But then I felt it
Certain and instant
The sound escaped my mouth
Without hesitation, without any thought what so ever
Instinctual and unrefined.
It was a pain I’ve felt emotionally,
Tried to describe though poetry,
Brought to a physical reality,
Throbbing with tangibility.
The welt began to grow
the brain took back it’s rein
leaving me with only a mocking pretense of black and yellow stripes
And a feeling
With which too over think.
I don’t know about you
And you about me
I’m not sure where to look
When you’re looking at me.
I’m not sure how to move
Til I’m already going
I usually turn off
So my movements start flowing
Because when I don’t think
I don’t think about you
I don’t know what I’m saying
I don’t know what to do.
Yesterday you began to share with me
Quick shrieks from their tapping shoes shouted as a slight reminder we were in the real though this recollection is dripping In lethargy.
Your chip began to shimmer in the dimmed, shared air
Your pain and strength barreling against one another for a place to burn in your eyes
I saw it then
Different than any other time I had seen it before
Quieter, yet somehow more powerful than ever.
I understood it then.
We are the juxtaposition,
The cool, supple texture from the rawness mocking our conversation.
You fought to be here and ****** to hell with the rest.