Orsemas Caldwell
was a curious old man
who lived deep
within Elderwood forest.
Everyday he'd gather
branches and boughs
to cook his dinner
and warm himself
inside the drafty,
dusty cabin
he called his home.

I clearly remember
the night he invited
my wife and I over
for biscuits and tea.
We left our car
at the entrance
of the single-file
footpaths that led
into the darkened
shroud and stillness
of his forest.

We sat at an ancient
wooden table covered
with the inscriptions
of hundreds of writings
from decades past.
I remember his wrinkled
trembling hands as they
set down the tea
he had dried for us,
I believe it was chamomile
with a hint of lavender.

We talked about a great
many things, but nothing
made his eyes light up
like when he told us
about his wife, Percilla.
They were ministers
at the old baptist church
until they retired to their cabin
in Elderwood forest.
Young lovers again, they'd
lay under the trees and laugh.

He showed us her picture
and smiled remembering.
I could hear in his voice
the sweetness of their love
and a longing for reunion.
I don't remember much more
than his words that echoed
in my head as we drove
back to our modern day
amenities, holding
one another's hands:

'Don't let one thing
come between you.
You are one flesh,
you are not two.
Don't let children,
or money, ambition,
or your vocation
come between you
and the one God gave you.'
This is the memory of
Orsemas Caldwell.

the saying goes
"you must fail, to succeed"
but in my life i did nothing but fail
the story of the life i live and lived
were a statistic board of my failures in life
as a person, as a son, as a partner, and as a friend
succeeding is one thing i am not good at
probably will never be good at
but failing is one thing i know must of all
once life given up on you
you give up hope
you give up faith
you give up trust
i only speak the truth and tell the world what it really is and become real is because i have nothing else in life to give.
the raven may come for me one day and that day i'll probably succeed in death
but living is no longer in the balance of failure or success
it all crumbled down beneath my feet
like sand underneath a palm tree located on gravel that one can not specify to see but know it is there.
that is how the palm tree stands tall
through my failure someone else is given the opportunity to stand tall as i crumble beneath ones feet.
the life i chose has no meaning
-Julius Caldwell

Yes indeed, oddly enuf.



(sonnet #MMMMMMMX)


Let William Caldwell Roscoe's line fr'intents
Sift to the 'fore while sapphire blue skies hail
In warming black's first light, the moon's detail
Upon day's eastern rim, just as he thence
Wrote centries ere, a sliver in suspense:
"The eastern hanging crescent--" in betrayl
Does not climb higher as he'd said, though how pale
Blue heavns 'gin now to lighten in defense.
And she must have been younger, cuz in her
Love he felt resurrection.  Ah, but to
Effect ist? I shrink from old men, as twere.
Why maunt a young man cherish me and woo?
The moon is lost as surly racks now stir
Rich pink's blush of chagrin.  O what we knew!

13Mar18a

Some words
in proper combination
and just-so order
contain light
but only light for certain eyes
and maybe only at certain times
light like no other
light for parents
whose children scream
or fall silent
light for sisters
who have lost sisters
light for the desperate and lonely
light for men drowning drink by drink
for the girl not taken to the dance
and the boy lacking courage
to ask her
light for the surgeon who failed
light for the bored housewife
contemplating escape
light for the third child
of a forgotten family
seeking shelter
in a dead city

Light for the wounded of the earth
and the lost

Some words are holy
though you are unlikely to find them in scripture

Some words staunch the bleeding

Sometimes these words
are lightning
sometimes thunder
sometimes a breeze across the ages

And I have lived my life for these words
in their pursuit and service

Come Hemingway
Come Faulkner
Come Hannah
Come Bukowski
Come Caldwell
Come Carver
Come Lee

Come the unknown genius who knows the mysteries of my heart

Come you thick Russians
Come Borges
Come Bradbury
Come Brautigan
Come Welty
Come Brown

Come light
Come, always, light

Some words
in proper combination
can save your soul
can teach you its pits and textures

And we are all ****** and bleeding and words are what hope is made from

And some words
are what remain of heaven
when angels give way
and sometimes
they are enough

Mebbe later I'll understand.



(sonnet #MMMMMMMDCCLV)


Ploughs scrape through morning's sullen eye in hail,
As lo, white answers from the pavement hence,
Eaves dripping like it's not sae bitter thence,
Til oh! whose lines trip off my tongue to scale?
Is't William Caldwell Roscoe's? in betrayl:
"Lo, on the ground, white snow--" and ah, fr'intents
I know he said twas Febry daybreak, whence
He'd say her love raised him from Death, t'avail.
Love is a thing since buried with as twere,
My mother, as watch how snow melts anew
In slower fashion whiles a sense in tour
Of all erst wont to be familiar through
The years now rises to the 'fore.   We stir
Talk of old 'puter games oer breakfast, too.

08Mar19a

eyes in the color of outer space,
the milky way lost its enchanting glow,
whenever you lifted your reticent gaze.

apropos

you are a solid caldwell 39,
six-thousand-five-hundred-twenty light years away,
probably the "acid to my alcaline",
even the matrix to my data storing array.

I am quiet. I am calm. I am out of control.
maybe even slightly delirious.
my rationality got ****** into a black hole.

my heartless state in a temper tantrum; furious.

you are in outer space,
close to my everlasting hope.

If we won't meet face to face,
I will continue watching you through my telescope.

© fey (28/12/29)

Countdown to homelessness –
mars this earthlinked sole Harris - son
panhandler would would register
pyrrhic victory won.

10…9…8…3..2..1…
Found me linkedin at the end of my wits
mein kampf and hard times
playing on big screen at the Ritz
vamoose oft times motivations quits
for -- no money iz the pits
without any rich Uncle (Sam) in my orbitz
to ease worse case scenario than bing covered
head to toe with nits
if...offered residence among...
hive feel stung as beelzebub doth buzzfeed,

after being espied,
targeted in the crosshairs
of excellent marksman -
credo, ethos, and holistic lifestyle - a mitts
fa this contemplative, furtive,
and intuitive chap lits
of luminous joie de vivre
will emanate like bland kits
and biting the bullet
no less tasty than true grits,
the latter touted by Euell Gibbons
of bias, discrimination, fuhgeddaboudit
suddenly resplendent with blinding blitz
warp and whoop of bits.

Medium of spoken or written word
avast milieu this wordsmith doth assay,
the aim of said missive constitutes
avoiding living in cardboard box or bidet
house zing debacle looms approximately
soffit teen eaves from this day
if scant success, this atypical, ideal
and zeal - lot might post himself on eBay
or mebbe get swooped up
by 10,000 cannibals and turned into a fillet
which mish mashed matted mush
will resemble fifty shades of gray.

Words above and below
written June thirtieth,
two thousand seventeen indicates,
when rental lease
will find our psyches fillet
so this buster brown
(actually Eastern European Semitic caucasian)
hooped to stave then
turning fifty plus eighteen shades of gray
weigh past time of life

to gather rose buds – boot hay
touted as AARP candidate
my inner child doth inlay,
I approach outer limits
per twilight zone of this blue jay
youthful looking married male -
with doe eyed wife does not buck,
donnybrook and neigh
against mortality reckons,
a safe and secure domicile

important basic needs
(codified by Abraham Maslow) – okay
this LVIII year young chap
haint expect tin tubby be housed
in courtly Highland manor,
yet anxiety sans poverty will play
a cruel hoax ruse trick finding me
to jump off a bridge –
with pier - sing quay
King Crimson ready

to bring cessation of existence –
when nada stinging ray
of salvation pleasantly doth sashay
and bring relief before
unwelcome ominous killer fate
inches closer incrementally from today
this father of deux darling
then near grown daughters
might fare better brexit - ting America
high tailing dreams to Uruguay.

Nary a snowball chance in hell
this alter kaker will nab employment
since receiving social security
emotional disability for countless years
(viz anxiety, dysthymia,
obsessive compulsive disorder, and prone
to become emotionally panicky
and paralyzed in social situations)
relies on medications,
which palliative doth alleviate, calm, and endow
relief (from debilitating, harrowing,
and lacerating quality of being alive.

LIST OF PRESCRIPTION MEDICATIONS THEN TAKEN:

1. Clonazepam 0.5 MG Tablets;
(generic - Klonopin); (1 tablet 3x daily).
2. Floxetine Hcl 40 MG CAPS; (Generic - Prozac).
3. Prazosin 1 MG capsule - 1 capsule nightly.
4. Quetiapine Fumarate; (generic - Seroquel) -
50 MG; (2 tablets 2x daily).
5. not a misprint – a higher dosage,
this pop pops prior to bedtime.
Quetiapine Fumarate; (Generic - Seroquel);
100 MG; (1 tablet at bedtime).

Sought an affordable place
against the sands of time
thyself and spouse race
already envisioning an outlook
that doth harken to trace
living non social on bleak street -
forever reaching for salvation
like Samuel Coleridge Taylor,
his rime of the ancient mariner
or John Keats lovers for’ ever glazed
asper ode on a Grecian (formula) vase.

Mine status begs turing
vibrant with near blinding light
could inform this bloke
if any long term living accommodations
ever available, or perhaps
if no can do versus tae kwon do might
be privy to share information about
any eco-friendly community
to forestall any unpleasant plight
specifically being pitched out
on the streets  with thee spouse
onto the bleak cobblestone streets
of the urban jungle, where right
iz determined by spittle and spite
and valuables must be clutched tight.

OCCUPATION:
I receive social security disability
for re: max him mum,
long and fostered, during the latter half
of the Fox and Roach pelted per
pesky pointedly nineteen hundred
and fifty nine
ever since my conception in utero -
likened to a luke warm Caldwell,
and the entire century 21.

STATE: protracted, anxiety
COUNTRY: United States