"apoligize" poems
I apoligize for not reading your posts. I have been battling my depression and have not been online . I have written a poem about it (of course lol). I hope you enjoy and I hope to be online tomorrow.
My Dark Tale (A Sestina)
It is a lovely time of day for tea
As I sit curled up to the song of rain
Memories arise of a deep dark pain
Storm clouds gather within my heart, darkly
Dimly, I am aware of rainbow’s hope
Wanting dreams infused with Rosemary and Thyme
Out of work, I suffer from too much time
Overeating and drinking too much tea
Depression worsens, stealing all my hope
And all my dreams shatter in the cold rain
Leaving me empty in the bitter dark
As I stare out of the broken windowpane
How I long to conquer my bitter pain
If only I would organize my time
I know then, I would rise above the dark
Instead, I get caught in cookies and tea
And sink deeper; chaos supremely reigns
I flounder once again, losing my hope
I am tired of losing precious hope
Letting despair and worthless bitter pain
To take control and determinedly reign
Structure! Will that allow me to use time
Positively? Cutting back on black tea
Getting needed sleep to fight back the dark
Rested, I can push back the hated dark
Strive to capture peace and beautiful hope
Learning once again to enjoy my tea
And not as a crutch that causes me pain
While I mourn the loss of wasted sweet time
Instead, I would see rainbows in the rain
I yearn to topple depression’s long reign,
To walk in the sun’s light, not the cold dark
Eager to greet the day and enjoy time
Pursue my dreams, infusing life with hope
Do away with doldrums and bitter pain
Relaxing and enjoying Earl Gray Tea
Envoi
To sum up, I yearn to enjoy my tea
Overcome my darkness and pain; to feel hope
While I take time to enjoy the sweet rain
Kelly Rose
© January 5, 2017
Jan 5, 2017
Jan 5, 2017 at 5:17 PM UTC
no I don't want to
talk right now
I
don't want to hear
your load of crap
I coudn't care less
about the fact
that you
hate
everything I do
these days
no I'm not going to
apoligize and
I don't feel like crying
and saying I love only
you ... so just leave me ******* alone, will you?
Oct 1, 2010
Oct 1, 2010 at 4:15 PM UTC
One tip of the hourglass
I'll stay till the shadows past
And if I could rewind time
You would be in my arms tonight
But if I could rewind time
I would have gotten it right the first time
So stay
Please stay
I can apoligize today
I don't care what for
but I need you now
I need your smile
I need your voice
I need to know I'm not your second choice
Your fall guy
Why am I always the fall guy?
Guess she's just gonna pass by
I'm just her fall guy
So it's been a while since'
Since I had sleep
Another wish for the best of me
When I say this to her
When I make this song so
Here I stand
By the wishing well
Thinking of her
And hoping like hell
That she realizes
What a huge mistake she's making
So sway
We'll sway
On these summer swings without no wings
We'll fall all over again
We'll make green into gold
And gold into the old
Stories we'll tell
About time with each other
Not a single thought of any others
We're right there
Right there in the moment
Sitting and hoping
This isn't a huge mistake we're making
And it's been a while
Since sleep had me
So it's time for me
To catch those z's
Maybe
But maybe it's another sleepless night
Without you by my side that's right
Up your ally
No calling on daddy to save you
So stay
Jun 13, 2014
Jun 13, 2014 at 1:15 AM UTC
Salt
Tears flowing down my cheeks
You have no right
To pull us in
To this web of painful tears
They sting
I try and hold them back
Yet they fall
I do have right
I do have opinions
In vain you try to make me conform
I will not
You have no right
The voice in my head echoes
You are pointless
It says
You dragged us in to this war
Well I am fighting
I will not hold back
I didn't want this
I wanted peace
Yet the insults fly
And the sting returns
In my head a new voice appears
Apologize
It whispers
You'll lose them
You know you will
They don't need you
If you disappear they wouldn't notice
You are nothing
A waste of space
You ARE stupid
You ARE useless
A tear falls
No
I won't apologize
I love them
I need them but I know
I deserve more than what I get
I know they might leave me
Is that a risk I will take?
So tired of this
So tired of everything
Lying on my back staring at the white ceiling
Insomnia
Again
Looking in the mirror two pills in my hand
Hopefully I can fade now
Sink into the earth
I will not apoligize for being treated badly
But I will apoligize for creating this
You say it's nothing
You say it's meaningless drama
It matters to me
Feb 14, 2013
Feb 14, 2013 at 10:26 PM UTC
What is love
But of our own creation
It binds us together
In our own relation
Love can't be blamed
For what's happening to me
For I love you
And you love me
The things that I'd do
Just thinking of you
Keep me awake every night
Let me hold you tight
I await that embrace
From you my dear
Please come a bit closer
So I may whisper in your ear
I cried last night
Thinking of you
Thinking of those things
That I'd do for you
Nothing is sweeter
Than love so near
That I lie awake at night
Wishing you were here
If only you'd been there
That night that I called
I wanted to apoligize
For I was enthralled
By your beauty
I found it sublime
Just like the flavour
of a sweet sweet lime
Love holds me here
Wishing you were here
Nowhere but here
Right by my side
I'm sorry I lied
I flow like the tide
Never the same
Never too tame
I shed a tear for you last night
Wishing I could find your amazing light
I shed a tear for you last night
Wishing you were here with all my might
I shed a tear for you last night
Please hold me now, please hold me tight
I'll never let go of this sweet kiss
I'll never let go of this love
I'll never let you free from my lips
I'll never forget my love
I shed my tears for you last night
Stand by me, and love me this night
Jan 19, 2010
Jan 19, 2010 at 10:14 PM UTC
lost in love i was never found, left behind, i hide my pride.
to leave this love tears me into, wheres my savior?
i thought it was you.
i feel ive been condemned for my sins, with your name used to lock me in this den.
ulgy girl in the devils den, where are u now my favorite sin?
no more! do not condemn,please cover me in light dont let the dark get in.
keep one promise, to love me like u thought for my soul has already been bought,thank u for the lessons sometimes the teacher taught and loses, this has been my fake bruises.
love turned into your looks at me, what do i do to make this be?
am i really to blame for this lose inside? when all i wanted was a true love and not feel blind.
anymore. without love arent we all so poor? i apoligize for my insincere, just wanted this to be clear.
had to get this out before i completely became lost as i speak now my tears are turned to frost.
im sorry i failed to set u free but i loved u unconditionally.
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 9:39 PM UTC
I always had one thing to keep me steady
my mom
i know shes a drunk
but at least shes not an angry drunk like my dad
watching him hit her was the hardest thing growing up
it taught me i cant do anything
that i cant stop anything
Then again
my mom isn't helping me that much either
dad had a problem even i know that
but she didn't even try to help him
all she did was send him away
now my dad is in jail
she doesn't care about me
I wish my dad was here
at least he cared
Then i met josh
he was then sweetest boy you could met
but like my father
he was an angry drunk
he use to hit me
but he would always apoligize
and instead of not trying like my mom
I tried to help him
and I fell in love
Josh broke up with me one day
he texted me and said
I'm sorry baby but this is not gonna work
I couldnt believe it
my whole life i spent working with him
he was my life
he was my everything
and without him i didnt want to live
On that night
I was talking to Nina Worsley
and Chloe Jackson
they helped me survive that night
I was getting by fine without Josh
I even met a new boy Korri
but recently
hes been texting me
asking for me back
last night he told me my brother wanted to be part of his gang
he wanted me to meet him to talk about it
so i went
but when i saw him i fell in love all over again
and i want him back
and he will take me
Someone please tell me
What do i do next?
Jun 24, 2014
Jun 24, 2014 at 12:47 AM UTC
lost in love i was never found, left behind, i hide my pride.
to leave this love tears me into, wheres my savior?
i thought it was you.
i feel ive been condemned for my sins, with your name used to lock me in this den.
ulgy girl in the devils den, where are u now my favorite sin?
no more! do not condemn,please cover me in light dont let the dark get in.
keep one promise, to love me like u thought for my soul has already been bought,thank u for the lessons sometimes the teacher taught and loses, this has been my fake bruises.
love turned into your looks at me, what do i do to make this be?
am i really to blame for this lose inside? when all i wanted was a true love and not feel blind.
anymore. without love arent we all so poor? i apoligize for my insincere, just wanted this to be clear.
had to get this out before i completely became lost as i speak now my tears are turned to frost.
im sorry i failed to set u free but i loved u unconditionally.
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 9:36 PM UTC
i have never fully grasped
serenity. calm. silence
of mind
always, going
always running, always thinking.
doing. i prepare. but alas, that is
never enough.
what if for a day
i pretended. it never happened. nothing changed
nothing hurt.
would that help?
probably not. at this point, i need understanding.
freedom from.
i apoligize.
i am vague. not a person alive
knows all. everything. since then to
now. this moment.
how could i explain?
perhaps, i could tell to you
that i feel as though i have been turned inside out, stripped, and shooken. like an
animal has climbed inside me and torched me; clawed, teared every part me. until
i am an empty carcass, living in the dark as would a zombie.
and then i would leave, quietly. secretly.
i live better that way.
as if anyone could know.
Dec 16, 2012
Dec 16, 2012 at 11:48 PM UTC
The Wanting
The way she smiles, and lights up his face
is something that i keep on my list
The way they close the gap in between
is something that i keep on my list
The way she breathes, while he takes it all in
is something that i keep on my list
Sometimes, i hear them yelling
on the other side of the wall
Shattering pictures and slamming doors,
that were only to be left open at night
for him to apoligize
Try to make things right
Let out his cries
Begging for her forgiveness
While the time goes by
My list is now full
I want to make him laugh
I want to kiss him crazy
I want to breathe in the air he breathes
I want the fighting and crying
and that feeling of dying, yearning for him
I want that forever, soul mate,
definite whatever you wanna call him
I.want.love.....and then some
Jul 13, 2015
Jul 13, 2015 at 5:36 AM UTC
It makes me feel bad,
how I become so anxious,
to be sure that you love me.
I should just accept the fact,
that you keep me on your mind.
And be grateful,
that I'm the only one.
I should not let them,
the traders
manipulators
and heart breakers,
Control my future with you.
I used to be the one who didn't worry.
"Go with the flow"
"Whatever happens, happens"
I found him under my skin.
I hated myself.
So. Many. New.
i n s e c u r i t i e s.
You taught me to love again,
not only you,
Myself.
Thank you.
So,
as long as at the end of the day,
I'm the one you think of late at night.
everything else is alright with me.
May 28, 2013
May 28, 2013 at 9:55 AM UTC
I stood afraid to love you
Completely as you needed
So I kept my distance
Ensuring our romance was defeated
My reflection darkened
In your sweet eyes
By another's shadow
Such a hard compromise
In their eclipse
I felt atoms tall
I apoligize for everything
I hated feeling so small
I know now what I should have done
Taken the dive
To show you I was the one
Nov 30, 2016
Nov 30, 2016 at 7:32 PM UTC
To my next one i apoligize for all the pain i may cause,
For your heart i may destroy,
For your feelings i may hurt and may not even adore.
U just gotta kno theres this pain deep inside, one i cant endure.
So when i hurt you im sorry, i know ive apoligized before.
But this pain you must endure so i can be sure that ur not like the rest, like i said im sorry...i am.
Apr 5, 2015
Apr 5, 2015 at 9:15 PM UTC