Sell me some good news,
I am open to buy,
what can I do if I've no wish to be, but
the acceptor of the grace,
undeserved, unearned favor, good luck
at the very least.
I wish to be happy among happy folk.
All I bring is my joy
in the being at all, able to make it up,
on demand, my joy,
as a strength,
a will not to weep over missed best chances/
I did not earn my joy through right use ,
it came with the package.
I came into this world, the winner
in the life I examined, after living a while,

to determine the worth of living
by no will of my own, I occurred
raw material, into a story with all ya'll init,
or destined to be
as my future catches up with us all…

that's what prophets say poets do, see, look ahead,
see
what could happen, if we stick to the plan,
which
we lack. Right, this is comic relief, nothing serious,
a gravity issue, perhaps, apophrenia kicking up
all things seeming
not to fit, as fit as was once imagined, hmmm.

I am society.

And this is me.

I am the narcissistic fool.
Obnoxious beast.
Cruel friend
And cautious acceptor
Fixated on only one thing.

And that thing is you.

I am the controller of your friends.
and the ones that don’t like you
Because of your fat thighs
or thin lips
or crooked teeth.

My full-time job
is being a self-proclaimed hater.
And a two-faced rat,
stabbing you in the back.
If you ever saw me
-you wouldn’t know which side of me to slap first.

But
-fortunately-
I have humans.
Who seem to have
an unnecessary nature of trying to
change me.

First it was with
Black and White
and then, for some reason,
LGBT.
It took me quite a while to allow women to work.
And now it’s with the whole controversy
of transgenders- he or she?

But one day,
-those determined little buggers-
-feisty freedom seekers-
-admirable able workers-
will somehow, magically, improve me.

Because one day,
each and every one of you,
Shall stand where you belong;
If it is one thing,
you are right
and I am wrong.

at 08:22 he awakens and pushes
away the tarp he uses as blanket

he’s already dressed up
and wears shoes

looks around at the blackening
dampness of the walls

stretches a bit

takes off his coat and
the blouse
and the shirt
and the tank-top

grabs a tissue
wets it with rubbing alcohol
and uses it to wash his
armpits. He knows it’s good for killing
the bad smelling bacteria

He knows much about how the world works
for he’d been to school and even
one year of collage in his youth

When his armpits dry
he dresses up
and gets out and checks under the
big flower pots that stand before the
entry to the building

He is wise to keep his savings there
Otherwise the others would’ve
smelled it on him and would’ve
robbed him a long time ago
He counts the money
and feels satisfied with the sum

At 09:30 he eats a warm meal at the
local soup kitchen
and turns down
four bums who ask to borrow money

At 10:10 he walks up to the
big casino and
enters

Now his imagination kicks in

Behind the entry
he is greeted with luxury, he walks
on the red carpet
and sees the bright lights
and the game attendants who greet him
like a king

He is the king in his vision
and he had returned to his castle

He smiles
and walks around leisurely

A man needs to have but a clear
vision of a bright future
to live a happy present

He finds a seat
in front of a slot machine

puts the money into
the bill acceptor
and starts playing

He is one of the happiest
customers the casino
ever had

My brain is short circuiting
My sanity's in danger
I'm a plague on most people
I'm an ugly stranger

After 10 hours of sleep
Bad thoughts really won't stop
I don't know what to do
I don't know what to drop

Can't stop loving people
Can't stop wanting girls
Can't stop resisting texting
People who ignore my whirls

I message people when I
Spiral into depression
And people then ignore me
And they teach me a lesson

I'm tired of people
Bout to move far away
Bout to wake up where I may
Eventually see brighter days

I don't know what's wrong
But I can't function right here
All I feel is rejected
Then stuffed with horrid fears

I want what I have wanted
Since I was like, fifteen
Someone to tell all my fears to
Someone to tell all my dreams to

Someone who'd stay up all night
With me just to hear what I'm saying
And I'd listen to every word
And for this girl, i been preying

And it'd be easier to say,
Who cares? Shut up!
If it wasn't the case
That other people in love

And I see them all the time
It's a **** college campus
And they ain't doing no crimes
I'm just so jealous, can't stand this!

Like I wanted a part
In a wonderful play
And then I have to see it
Performed on stage every day

And every person on stage
Is elated to be acting
But I'm in the audience
Only perceiving and reacting

And once the play is all over
The cast members take a bow
Go out and have a cast party
And look at me now!

I'm off alone in my bedroom
With bad thoughts plaguing my conscious
And I'll try to go asleep
But all those efforts are nonsense

You hear these words I'm saying
Think I can lay down in bed
Without distraction and just let
These thoughts calm down in my head?

Well no! I can't! So I load
Up on distractions
And then by 3, 4, or 5,
I finally rest and get lax, then

I have bad dreams
Wake up feeling melancholy
Do it all again
Take all the gifts life bought me

And I hate that I take
All of these gifts for granted
So many reactions in life
So much love on this planet

But my hormones, my mentality,
My maleness, or my wishes
Won't let me stop wanting love
From fully capable women

But love can't be forced!
Love can't be inspired
Love comes naturally
Love ain't women for hire

Love isn't around the corner
Love isn't begging to chill
Love isn't please spend time with me
Love isn't one awkward meal

Love isn't pity, love isn't
Ignoring my texts
Love isn't checking in on me
Since I'm a lustful wreck

Love isn't writing a poem
Love isn't kissing or hugging
Love isn't buying a gift
Love isn't loving or lusting

Nobody knows what love is
Until it falls in their lap
And right now my lap is empty
And I wish! I didn't give a crap,

But I do! And I can't stop!
I'm in a fast car
And all the doors are locked
And I'm looking afar

At all the love I think I see
I want it to happen to me
And this car ride is free
But in my society,

In my nice fast car
I have some wonderful blessings
But all the mountains and rivers
Of company give me wet dreams

And dry dreams and thoughts
About who's gonna read to me
Who's gonna ask what I'm thinking
When all my thoughts are spiraling

It's nobody! Shut up!
Just forget about it
Loves for people who're happy
And obviously you're not! Don't doubt it.

You might love yourself
You might love this life
But love where you're at too
Or love might elude you for life

Because you can't be desperate
You can't need women
Obviously, that's a deterrent
Obviously, that's worse then

Being happy and confident
And calm and complacent
So sit down! Shut up!
Until you feel that way. Then

And only then! May you hop
Out the car
And go and walk through nature
And maybe find some love

There's no guarantees!
It's all out of your control!
Just control what you can
And wait for people to know

Why they should love you
Why they should listen
Why they should see you
Why you exist, then

Once you're judged
By one outlying acceptor
You can give it a shot
But don't give them a lecture

Don't talk too much
Don't bore them to tears
Don't show your emotions
Don't show them your fears

Act like you're normal
Act like you're happy
Welcome conformity
Lest you be written off as sappy

I can tell it's not a game
I'm ready to play
I'm stumbling through life
I hate wishing time away

But I do when I'm lonely
I do when I'm sad
I really wish I had more
But I still love what I have

Dear Bosco?
'I know not why I feel warmth with your
presence, I know not why I feel breeze on my face with no wind present'.
An improvisational line to woo, I suppose?
But without intention, if I were to swear on it I would,
something of my subconscious?

With the future's eye I could see why those lines formed the way they
did (The warmth was from the alcohol
but the tension was sharper than your teeth
scraping my tongue)
I told you about it, my mind knows me more than I know it,
to the point of punishing me for unknown wrongs in dreams,
it must have known you before your lips knew me.

I told you I was afraid to be myself,
but I swear on my dead body I was nothing
If not my whole self,
though subdued through sleepiness, I rather
would want to get swathed
and swayed with your warming flesh.

I could’ve sworn I died in your arms this beyond late
night,
But with your tender lips it rejuvenated life at the same
time, 'I know not why'

Did I clumsily forget to mention the errors in my thoughts?
Your mind surely should have told you.

You asked me what I was thinking while I avoided the
deathly gaze in your eyes,
I said, 'of us', to things of that nature.
I asked the same, you said of nothing, just of us now.
Are you here with me? Are you?

You cheeky doll.
A mint before commitment, a premeditated attack, an
ambush.
Though not of undesirability, an ambush still.
Forcing my hands to touch yours while we sat in tender voices,
nature, pool, city, and the wandering fellow, observing
My nature against yours, yours against mine.

Talking hopefully useful information to invest in, for
Future reference right? (I hope she is not testing me)
Exchanging hopefully meaningful gifts, a promise pick, and a
reference from me to your favourite love song, lollipops and crisps.
Oh, how I wish for it to remain a love song.

You talk of my band and I talk of your films,
'Just make like -- 3 songs, and the rest can be covers',
A ****** camera or a good one;
You preferred ******, it adds more character apparently, I say
It's cute.
The greatest pretentious exchange of art kids
Ever.

A brush on the shoulders, our minds' leaves caressing each
other,
A bold grab of our teasing hands with your notion,
You tuck my hair behind my ears and I get shy as I for one
hide my face with it,
I ask, why?
'I just want to see you'.

(Do you really want to see me? Me
with all of my faults, do you want to unravel me naked?
Do you want to see me ****?
Stripped off all my accessories that hide my paling ****** soft skin?
The soft '******' skin that is still scarred)

You close your eyes and with your lead I shall do no
harm,
The lips entertaining, the tongues befriending,
the passing of saliva,
(Does she not know I have a sore throat now, all exchanges
must have forbearance and reception)

With that exchange for 4 days, I've known her 4 years,
never have I felt intimacy to that degree.

Breathe in, breathe out,
In, and out,
Take me in, and take me out,
keep me in,
Let me kiss you quicker so you won't see
my face.

Your lips,
they hold me everywhere else on my face, (why does she not care of
its dreading spots)
nose, cheek, forehead, they appreciate you more than me,
I ****** on your fingers, must've been my
subconscious,
outwardly showing you my need from reciprocation,
and you learn fast as you send nerve signals I couldn't
have possibly ever perceive with touch like yours.

(Have I imagined her?
My subconscious torturing me once more,
conjuring the facsimile of my desires,
and punishing me with making you hold me)
They would not understand you
like I do,
till' they witness your might.

Take charge, take seize, but
hold,
Let me,
Let my teeth grab your neck
Let my hand touch yours
Let my fingers linger on your palm,
Let my soul erupt in your mouth,
Let me pin you on the railing, bear your hips,
Let me adore you

I wish I could've stayed, and I wished
you wished the same;
The short euphoria I experienced I needed, and I crave you
more now.

I could've sworn our bodies were one of itself in our last
draws of breaths
If you breathe mine in I will do the same
If I call you by my name You will do the same. (I hope
she calls no other
by hers)

With your malicious eyes, fuzzy brows, flaming
hair that hell cannot explain,
menthol lips,
With your uttered words: 'You poor boy',
You've made a lover of me,
An acceptor of me,
The talker of me,
The writer of me,
The dreamer of me,
A father of me,
The worrier of me,
The lover of me

'What would be the name of our movie be called?' I asked
as if I had not fantasised of asking you
a few days prior.
I hope you mean it, because like it or not, you've attached
this song to me as much as I've been attached to you,
(The cheeky girl played it before our reciprocal breaths)

And now here I am,
sad and craving,
in your absence.
I truly wish you meant what you said,
I truly wish you understood my heart when you
said it was beating so fast.

I must not suppress my emotions,
as Elio's dad says: 'To make yourself feel nothing
so as to not feel anything -- what a waste!';
So I will follow his advice as I've told you my
Father is but a *******,
My emotions are unsurpassed, unraveled,
For you,
These emotions I will never feel again, they
change, evolve, devolve, degrade, falter,
So I must recite it to my heart's will as you
know it beats fast for you.

I needed to write this to me, from you,
'Else I would be holding me hostage choking the remnants of
memories of you. I smile as I feel this grief.

I will not deny you, I will not deny me.
I will not deny your jaw,
teeth, flavour, hips, smell, eyes, brows, hips, breath
voice, passion, initiative, stories, mind,
love.
I will not deny my shivering jaw, my
sunken brows,
my aching belly,
my strained throat,
my dulling eyes,
my tricky mind,
my yearn, my
love.

So be it, I'll wait.
As our song states, True Love Waits.
The haunting echoes of his voice breaks me,
Do you love the song more than ever?
More importantly, do you believe in the song as you say it
is your favourite from the band? I
will play our song with your pick,
And I pray you learn it
with mine.

Whatever, I told you of the mess I am, or
maybe not (at the very least implicitly)
and I was just dreaming

This is not a closure, not acceptance, I will
go as you ebb.
Just, don't leave.
Don't,
Leave.