I’ve never sat so close to a flame
and felt less heat than its shadow implies
I’ve never felt such fullness in emptiness
I didn’t need a new scar to help me realize

You are a mirage
an oasis bleeding crystal clear water
sparkling in the distance of my desert
but I see you disappear

Cut too close and I watch you vanish
Pacing back and forth to try to find the line
Where do you go?
All I know is that you do.

how tired would you be  
if you were expected to shrink
small enough  
to fit into the idea of a "you"
that you didn't choose?

I don't want it
and if judgment and you
go hand in hand
I don't want you too

it's exhausting always wondering  
if I'm wasting my breath
if my love has an end
if I'll ever decide
that I've had enough

It hurts my heart more to wonder
if I could be happier still
if I just let my guard down
so I have (and always will)

it's exhausting always wondering
if I'm wasting my energy
if I'll keep over-explaining parts of me
when no one's really listening

but I don't think I need you
all I need is to see  
what keeps this cat alive  
is the curiosity  

I just have to know the ending
I'm on the edge of my seat
but don't mistake my desperation
I'm not afraid to leave

a bitter blade's first cut
will never be its last
a self-fulfilling prophecy
an echo of the past

its song still makes me sing
a whisper hardly missed
remembering the harmonies
retaining my clenched fists

there are too many broken strings
to play another song
still the music swells inside my walls
it's not a question to play along

I'd be more afraid if the music stopped
what if I forget all the words?
memories deafened through roaring silence
unsure of melodies I'd misheard

I still hear its hum inside my head
as hard as I try to forget
a question of whether it's now or forever
undoubted, hard-earned regret

It's funny that life likes to fall apart  

all at once  

like it's tired of itself just as much  


like it's exhaling for the first time  

a deep breath held in  

sweeping you away in the howl of its wind  


It's funny that when we fall apart  

we try so hard to hang onto the seams  

we tend to tear a deeper ****  

still feigning shock when we bleed  


It's funny how life likes to fall apart  

all at once  

like it's its way of having fun  


like for every "why me?"  

it has to kick you in the *** a little harder  

noting that time only asked to exist as much as you did