I wish I had paid more attention to the words he spoke
To the stories he told
To the sound of his voice
His smile on a sunny day
Or his boots splashing in the rain

I wish I had paid more attention when that smile disappeared
When his voice started to crack
Or when his eyes didn’t shine as bright

I wish I had paid more attention when he stopped coming around
When the phone stopped ringing
Or when the sun stopped shining

I wish I had paid more attention to way he said “I love you”
To the way he held me when I was sad
Or when we said our last goodbyes

I wish I had paid more attention to the voice on the other line
To the sermon preached at the funeral
Or maybe the faces that embraced me

I wish I had paid more attention to the sugar coated lies I was told
But the sad truth is that you can't sugar coat a suicide

Its weird
that I still think
about you
   and
it makes me
feel weak.
Its worse
because
I find myself
missing the
   oddest things.
Like
   your mom
   your shirts
   how you held my hand
   the curve of your nose
and
    the way you like to run.
Its things like these,
the obscure
annoying things,
that keep me
     missing you.

and now,
we're just strangers,
who love each other,
a little too much