Moats and boats and broken bones
Heart attacks and nights alone
These are a few of my favorite things
When you take out the ones I won't mention
And the pipe dreams
Silence
Noise
Whiskey sours
I've been drunk for about an hour
This isn't a poem
It's a jumble of words

is that how you feel?
this is how you're feeling? And you tell me your mind is reeling and you can't keep your head straight
and that's why you need to be *******
and I could never mean more to you I couldn't mean a thing to you
my addiction keeps getting fed from every word you ever said
and you say you know you say you know me
so if you know me why would you hurt me and why do you keep me seizing
grasping
clutching for something that's not even there
you care
you say you care you want me to share why I get so angry why I get so frustrated
why I get SO ******* FED UP
your words I hold onto
and the words you never say
and you'll never say because you're not in the mood
you're never in the mood to open yourself up
to me
you say you know me
you say you know me better than I know me
MY GOD you
**** ME
OFF
and claw at my mind with your words that I find so alluring
and I find you so alluring
and you're beautiful
and that mind
your mind
**** your mind
and you ****** me with your mind
and ideas
and plans
and then you use your hands

and I'm caught again.

the forest floor is my bedroom

and for the brief moments  before the sun has woke

the forest is my sanctuary

my mind is silent

my heart full

and for those moments

I stop questioning

I stop processing

I am alive in the preset moment alone

I am free to just exist

and ****

how good it feels to just exist.

my heart beats fast & my hands shake
i should have stayed at home today
i try to escape my own mind
tug at my clothes & count the time
i can't sit still but i can't move
my mascara runs more than i do

It  seems lately my dreams are my only refuge

I wake and the same unsettling,
burdensome thoughts rush in.

soul heavy.

I drag it around throughout my day

clarity crashing in .
and-consequently,
****** back out and away

my head recently just barely above water

I am beginning to fear I may drown,
drown  in my own pathetic tears of uncertainty

what a melancholy disaster  I have turned out to be

Yet,

Each  day
(insanity )

I continue to wake,
wishing to stay in my dreams

And each day as I go through each motion ..
I feel further away

grasping .

Grasping ,

for solutions to my heavy heart

and so , the tears continue
and so, the storm rages on

and so ,

I find myself once again
with my head
just barely above water.

The lines on your skin tell stories, my dear
And if they could speak
They would speak of the pain
Of the loneliness and heartache and betrayal
Of the emotions that came too strongly or never at all

Of the blood that fell like tears when your eyes ran out

But the scars are quiet now
As silent as you were when you refused to cry for help

Please
Let me read the words on the pages of your skin
The unfinished thoughts and the sentences cut short

So I can finally finish them
And give you the happy ending you think you don’t deserve

And if I listen to the silence quiet enough,
I can hear my heart breaking.