Absolute self confidence
Or nights full of doubt.
An arrogant fool
Between concern and an inflated ego
Between days full of tears in the shower
And partys to dance with anyone.
I wish I could somewhere and somehow
Find myself.

I know I am not sober anymore
I know that I am blue, so blue
But I also know that I crave your lips
And that I want you.
I wish you were mine
You want me to be yours
But we could never be together
'Cause together we lose
(our minds)

Life is about hands.**

It is about you
Staring at them
Tired but joyful
While your first child lays in your arms
Sleeping and closing a fist around your index.

It is about you
Staring at them
After you hurried into hospital
Holding your mothers hands
And begging her to stay.

It is about you
Staring at them
Trying to keep them still
Yet all they do is shake
And you don't know why
Because  you aren't even nervous.

It is about you
Staring at them
While you introduce yourself to some teenagers
Who are baffled and tell you that they already know you
Because they are your grandchildren
And you try to remember their names.

It is about you
Staring at them
Before you place them around your own neck
Wishing it would be easy to **** yourself
Because the pain is so hard to stand
And you have become so weak.

And it is about your children
Staring at their own hands
While they hold yours
Which are no longer warm and full of life
But cold and stiff.
And they wish they wouldn't hold them for the last time.

Life is about hands.**

It is about you,
Staring at them
The first time you burned your fingertips
Because you were so curious
and it was forbidden to touch the hotplate.

It is about you
Staring at them
When they are all blue and numb
From the icy touch of snow
After you had a snowball fight
With your best friend from kindergarten.

It is about you
Staring at them
When you are supposed to write an essay
But they won't write anything down
Because you are not at school with your thoughts.

It is about you
Staring at them
The first time you fell for someone
And your burn for the idea of touching them
But you cannot
Because you don't want to be foolish.

It is about you
Staring at them
When they hold alcohol
After you drank your first beer
And it tasted disgusting
But you are one of the cool ones now.

It is about you
Staring at them
In the dark at 3am
Holding your own hand
Because there isn't somebody else who would do this
And you feel so lonely.

...

How should I know
if this is true
or just a lie
if you behave not the same way
as your mouth does

(I wish your mouth would be lying)

I was far away,
But now I'm back again.
The 'Welcome back' is intense.
I got clasped by my old folks
I got clutched and twined by them.
They took my coat, my sleeve, and my thoughts.
Jealousy, bitterness, coldness, and failure.
All ready to fulfill me again.
And give me back my old world.

Life is about hands.**

It is about you
Staring at them
While holding your first cigarette
And you don't know why you do this
But the smoke makes you feel wild
And you crave to feel alive so badly.

It is about you
Staring at them
When you are together with your lover
And by the time you hold their hand
You forget that this love could never win
And that the both of you could never be real.

It is about you
Staring at them
So drunk your parents would be ashamed
Trying to remember how it was
When your hands felt like they belonged to you
Because right now they don't.

It is about you
Staring at them
Signing the lease you wished for
And independence feels so good,
Finally everything seems to work out for you.

It is about you
Staring at them
When the love of your life
Exchanges rings with you
And you never thought that you could be so happy
Or that you could love someone so much.

...