I miss you so much
Talking to you last night helped a little
But not really
I want to see you
In person
I wanna run up to you and hug you and not let go for ages
I wanna laugh with you again
I want to play yellow car and punch you softly again so you'll tell me my punches are too soft "like a breeze"
and we'll laugh and you'll get me to try punch my hardest
But I won't scared of hurting you
But then I do and it's still not hard
I want to walk in the dark with you
Where we just talk about everything
When you point something out in the bush in the darkness
Just to scare me so I'll move closer to you and be like oh my gosh what?
And then you'll laugh and Ill push you again
And then we'll both laugh with your arm around my shoulders
Walking together side by side in happiness
Or go back to camp
And you let me sleep on your chest
Gently stroking my hair as I fall asleep to the sound of your heart
And your steady breaths on my neck
When you cuddled me because I was hurting
And I fell back asleep on you again with your chin on my head
Squeezing my arm slightly moving your thumb up and down on my arm
Back to the time at camp
In the cave
In pitch black
And I grabbed your arm
So I wouldn't get lost and you grabbed my hand instead
And I squeezed your hand as tight as I could
scared of falling and getting lost
And you'd squeeze it back
And everyone would ask if I was okay and where I was
And you called out that I was fine that I was with you and I was safe because you had me
Back to the time you hugged me tighter than ever because you missed me too much and we stood for ages hugging each other and saying we missed each other and it was cute
To the time you hugged me because I was hurting inside and I went to let go and you pulled me back into your chest and hugged me tighter
When you gave me a piggy back just cause
Or lets go back to the time we hardly talked
and just looked across the room at each other and smiled shyly
I miss you so much!!!!
Good Luck at your competition
I know you'll do well
Stay Safe x
<3

Enlighten me would you
On which part do I not understand
Do I not understand the shame of
walking out of your house scared of being judged
Honey I was scared to even get out of my car a couple months ago
To walk the grounds of school with the fear of being judged
I was scared because he wasn't there for a period or two
Because he had a meeting I had no protection
Do I not understand putting on a fake smile and wanting to cry 24/7
Honey I had depression since Year 5
You think I don't understand
Do I not understand feeling trapped and scared
I've been in my room and fallen to the ground
Felt like the room was spinning and closing in
Wanting to rip my hair out
Tears flooding down my face
Chest tight as
Couldn't breath
Hyperventilating having a panic attack
And I don't understand??
Enlighten me which part do I not understand??
Do I not understand being insecure?
I've been so insecure I couldn't even walk my own house without wearing makeup I couldn't even look at myself without wearing makeup.
Enlighten me would you

Fling yourself off a bridge
Funny you should say that
I was thinking the exact same thing
last night
Thinking it would be easy
Maybe someone walking past would notice and help me
They'd bump into me and i'd fall
Maybe even die on the way down
Before I crashed into the river
Along with the rest of them
Or maybe someone would see me
and stop me
Actually realise how bad it is
And hold me in their arms
And say its going to be okay
Funny you should say that
Cause I was thinking the exact same thing

So so so done
Pushed me away enough
Is that really what you want
I've tried and tried
But I can't do this any longer
I'm so so done










Sorry

You don't understand
I feel like ****
Because of you
I'm in tears
Because of you
I get it
I'm a ****** person
I only want my boys
They make me happy
You make me feel ****
But you don't even realise
The damage you cause me
Not it's not all about him
Maybe it should be
He makes me feel safe and okay again
Here I am sitting on my bed
In tears
I can't do anything
You cause me pain
It hurts so bad
I wanna scream

I'm done