"you're nuts" you told me one night, sitting together on your roof at 3am. i replied that you would crave someone crazy one day. i told you you would get tired of the girls with watered down hearts and pale blonde curls, that you'd be sick of daddy issues and smeared eyeliner and five-inch spiked heels.

you leaned in close and brushed your fingers along my jawline. you inhaled deeply, then your words dripped so sweetly from your tongue they could be mistaken for honey.

"i'm already tired."

i kissed you. hard.
a thousand stars exploded inside my chest.

my thoughts are headphones left in someone's back pocket for too long // I've always wanted a pillow that said "home sweet home" but recently I realized I don't know where home is // I thought you were going to be my angel, but Lucifer was once an angel, too // there's a hose running into my lungs and I thought you were turning the water off but instead you were slowly trying to drown me // I never understood how you could love someone if all you loved was their body // you promised me gardens but you forgot to water them // you once told me you loved me but immediately took it back and I still wonder if you were joking or you really felt as strongly about me as I did for you // you asked me if I ever felt like ripping myself to pieces and I almost told you "every night since you left" but instead I quietly shook my head and said "no" // I won't ask you if you ever loved me because you'll never tell me the truth


-m. j. g.

i once heard human beings naturally long for affection of any type; familial, romantic, or friendly. all humans strive for someone to connect with because we are the bones in the human body and we look for the socket or hinge to attach us with someone,

but the first time i ever saw you, you were playing a beethoven piece and ******* i don't think i've ever seen as much talent in any other musician as i've seen in you, and i watched your soul move through your instrument and the way you swayed while playing and i just thought to myself

"if i could sit here forever and just watch as you play, without you ever noticing me or even looking in my direction, my god i would because you are absolutely perfect to me."

sometimes we don't need affection. seeing him was enough for me to fall in love with him.

- m. j. g.

our lips' tessellation will repeat infinitely,
filling every void in our universe and our hearts.
there are about 1,025,110 words in the English language
and no combination of those words could ever accurately
reflect the way I feel for you.
when we kiss, I can feel the universe inside of me expanding
and I can feel stars being born inside my chest.
my ribcage becomes intertwined with flowers and vines
as they grow from the saddest parts of me.
our lifetimes will mean nothing compared to how long
our love will resonate after we have turned to dust.
distant planets with distant residents will sing of our story.
our imprint on the universe will be permanently etched in
every planet, every moon, every star, and every comet.

we are two microscopic pieces of the universe colliding,
but our impact will ring through time and space.

-m. j. g.

i believed you when you said you loved me after 3 weeks because i am an old book and no one has ever taken the time to dust me off before. my pages are aged and delicate and my cover is disconnecting from the spine. but there you were, trying to read a dusty book.

but after a few weeks, you must not have liked where i was going. was my story too boring? was it too cliché? was i not long enough, was there a plot twist you didn't like, was my print too small? did i break too much for you to even read because every time you touched me, a page would turn to dust?

she is an old book just like me. i hope you didn't tell her you loved her after a few weeks. i hope you didn't dust her off to use the pages to roll cigarettes and leave her on your nightstand. i hope you take the time to read her and understand her. i hope you discuss her pages in book clubs and i hope you read her in coffee shops and before you go to sleep and on long trips and in quiet corners of the library.

i hope, for her sake, she's not the story i was.

-m. j. g.

i swear to you i really do try but on most days I really just don't know how to handle myself.

i mean just the other night i was trying to fall asleep but i kept worrying about the hundred billion ways i could die and then when i finally fell asleep, i woke up the next morning contemplating enacting on one of those hundred billion ways.

my brain is filled with a tempest that i try so very hard to get rid of but even when the storm is gone the destruction it caused is still there. my bones have gotten used to the shaking and my head has gotten used to feeling like a lead bowling ball. i can't tell from reality or daydream and when i learn it's not a dream it sickens me to a point where i decide to live in a different reality for a while.

i once heard that reality is based on perception. once a reality is created, it cannot be changed, only your perception of it can change. well i hope to god that the realities i've created can be destroyed as well because i don't want to live in this one.  

-m. j. g.

i will never understand the calamity of your mind.
you walk a thin line separating the artistic from the insane.
i sometimes wonder if you're drowning or
if you've just got your head above water.
did you mean to dive in without a clue where the currents would lead?
the winds are changing, baby, and you're stuck overboard.
poseidon is too weak for the tsunamis you're about to cause.

-m. j. g.