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why are the thoughts back
they arent supposed to be back
i dont want them
please go away
go away
AWAY
i just want to be poisoned
because i am poison
and i crave poison
the narcissist
i need to see my crystal clear reflection
that is disarmingly toxic
and delicious
oh my poison
my sweet poison
on my lips
i swallow you
swallow
swallow the truth
the truth is
i am gone
If you're going

to continue to violently stab my soul,

at least look at me.
"And I watch you come, and I watch you go.
With love,
- George"
Want to play a game
Lie to me
See what happens
It will be so fun to watch me at war with myself
My natural inclination to trust
Versus my accumulated skepticism

Oh it will drive me mad you see
Throwing my limbs against the wall
Trying to see how far they'll bounce off
And when I discern the situation
I become a lot more cold
Than you are used to
The one who dried your tears
Turns their back
Says grow up

Now every word
Every act will be treated as lies
Because once I find one lie
I will give up on finding any truth
I could be most deserving to die
but I can't help to feel this way,
to wish a darkness in every eye
that had locked with yours today.

© Sarah Ahmed (ThePoet)
No eye may gaze upon your beauty except my own. :D
What if I were there?
       I'd sit in the dark and hope you left. I won't tell you that you make
        me nervous.

And then what? ;)
      Please don't think I care about you.
Send me a pic.
      I know you don't care about me either.
Oh yeah baby
       Is this what we have come to call intimacy?
U know what I'd do 2 u?
      Emotionless exchanges, just for a moment of pleasure and a lifetime
        of shame.

What r u wearing?
      *I don't want this. I wanted love. This isn't love.
if they say the more love you give away,
the more you get back
then why do i feel like i've been wringing myself dry
trying to fill up your sponge heart

and you accept each small drop with proper manners
a polite smile, a cordial thank you
but it isn't until i am too empty to stand
that you finally turn back to see how little of me is left
and realize i might need some strength of my own too

it's not like the love isn't there;
sometimes i think i can see the outline of bruises on your chest
because you seem to be all heart with no understanding of how to give it away

then again, i always had this self-destructive need to throw everything i have at anyone who gives me the time of day
so is this just my fault again?
for trying too hard to win you over
i'm sorry, it's only because i feel like i keep losing
to the computer screen
to new ideas for inventions
to more interesting friends
to convenience

and it kills me a little more every time you walk away
knowing the next time i'll see you is when it's practical and can be pencilled into your tetris block schedule

i don't know how much longer i can do this
and i would probably cry more about it but i don't have any energy left
I'm writing this to you at the end of our first day, my legs screaming obscenities at me after all the so-called adventure
And I could tell you about how the dirt and sharp rocks wore out the soles of my feet
How we hiked for six hours off the path and I almost started crying by the fourth
How the trail we 'created' felt like descending into an abyss and crawling back out again
How the wind battered us with sand and the ocean burned our scratched calves

But baby, you should've seen the sky
The way it moved and swelled and changed
First periwinkle fading into a white horizon and hitting the sapphire sea
Then the setting sun that bathed canyons in gold and heat
Until the last rays blended into a clash of purple, pink, and orange

And when the day came to a close, the heavens opened like you wouldn't believe
The night was a pitch-black canvas, torn open by meteors that fell forever in a few seconds
While the stars pricked holes in the swirling shape of the Milky Way
Darling, I swear they danced for us
They twirled and waltzed and tangoed better than we ever could
And through all the splendor, the only thing I kept spending my shooting-star wishes on was you
I can vision in my mind
The first time our worlds came to collide

I thought you were just manifesting in the face of this beautiful creature
It wasn't so simple as a man and a woman

More of a heart and a ploy
It was as if I was some sort of toy

Actually, It wasn't that way
I'd met you before
Again and again youve tore
At my heart and my soul

I've missed how you break me
The way that it made me cry
So many times, but why
When I gave it my best for us

Once again
We meet
And my heart soared because I missed the way you tore
It wasn't the men and women who were your vessel
But the way we wrestled
Constantly in motion
Never resting even when satisfied with the affliction we caused to ourselves
Not torture
I enjoyed it
But this anxiety never clears
Breathing on my neck
Cold and unable to be reasoned with

To and fro
My emotions fell and leaped
And your stance stayed strong
The foundation you built was so deeply embedded into me
In my soul you gouged a hole
From the first time I experienced your comfort
I could never return
Not until we meet again
So I can take back my pound of flesh
Still beating
Still waiting
Still anticipating

For that
Hello Again
Unedited
Please do not hesitate to offer up your criticism and advice
Thank you for taking the time to read this
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