You asked me what I dreamt,
I had dreamt of soup.

I could have told you that,
but I couldn't tell you this:

I dreamed that we were staring at soup.
It was green and thicker than peas.
I was stirring my spoon in and out of the bowl,
picking up the lurking liquid
dripping it right back into the murky waters.

We were silent, but after some time,
you said "I love you."
I said it back very quickly and casually,
it was as if I had told you before!
So you said it louder, you exclaimed it even stronger,
"I LOVE YOU."

Noodles immediately floated to the surface of the soup.
The thickness cleared to spell out the three words that
I had been wanting to say, and wanting you to say.

I burst into tears.
I picked up the spoon.
I scooped up the letters and ate "I love you".

the ghost in me
hides in you too
we pass the days holed up in our spaces, looking at the familiar faces
on screens they act, they type,
they talk through speakers
loud enough to drown the thoughts
we have to hear in darkness when
everything isn’t
so clear, the sky they say will be
soon I hope I can get over this

the piles lay
untouched in the laundry and the sink and every single time
I blink away the motivation like it will get done
tomorrow is another day but why not
why not today?
time is always ticking
faster I see the days go by
without accomplishing anything of any
significance, can’t you see the significance in the way you’re wasting away from here and into
the void that is tomorrow, it’s next week, it’s next month,
it’s not important
keep telling yourself
I need to be better
When is better?

It’s weird how time passes
Like how it was going to be your last show before you went away
And I didn’t go

But now I’m here and you’ve been back
We’re dating different people
I love him, you do not love her
But I know you think I look pretty tonight

And here I am bopping along to the song
I had heard in the studio that I thought was too repetitive
Waiting for the song you’ll never write about me

make new friends
they'll never know
what it is you've been through
hard to tell
knock down your walls
for fear they'll abandon you.

I want to be what I seem
I want people to know I'm okay
but sometimes I am not.

these present friends
cannot know the past secrets that haunt me
they will judge me
will they be true?

your cousin is engaged
you hadn't seen it yet
the sad song plays
you haven't answered my text

the tears are hot
the room is melting
the song is screaming
you say you understand

can you say it again with feeling?

Tell me how it feels to hide and bury your feelings so deep that only lies come out of your mouth,

to be dishonest and disloyal under the surface, yet appear so humble,

to manipulate someone into giving you everything you want while giving nothing in return,

to be loved by someone and throw them away without speaking to them,

to be so afraid that you cannot speak the truth but can still pretend that you are brave.

Tell me how it feels to carry the agenda of a sad man who has no heart in the empty cavity of his chest.

the night was hot and sticky
the kind where you don't want to be touched
guitar chords were ringing through us
my lips stayed shut

an mmm erupted from you
it crawled out of your throat
into my ears and down my spine
I'm wishing I could float

did you see the feeling in my face change?
i tried my best to stay
stone cold statue  
blood hot beside you
afraid of what you'd say

but i wanted you to touch me
right then and right there,
or even just to put your arm around me
instead of this feeling beside you here

sweat upon sweat
without feeling any heat
the tingle and the tension
our bodies surrender
under the pressure
lost of any prevention

Finally.

the last few notes leave the room pulsing,
and we are sighing.