You reminded me to have more self respect for myself
I am not an option
I am not meant to be used
Formally this is my way of saying that I refuse to be your toy from this point on
I am worthy of more

I wait for your confident strut into the classroom
With your signature grey sweatpants and fit t-shirt
It's nothing special, yet you make it memorable
You start a conversation with the classmate next to you and I happen to overhear the conversation and chime in
You listen to my points and even beam at some of my remarks
Are my remarks that great?
I'm not so sure, but you make me happy that I said them
I steal a glance at times while you work on your classwork and smile to myself wondering how I got so lucky with the seating arrangements
Even though this will probably never lead to anything I'm glad to have someone to look forward to
Someone who I can smile with just for a second and then go on with my day

I miss you
But do I really miss you
Or do I miss the warmth you gave off as you held me
Is it that I miss being able to call someone mine
Is it that I miss always being able to rely on someone
Maybe I do miss you though
My heart still stings a bit when I see you talking to other girls
I still check your stories when I have extra time on my hands
However, I don’t really want you anymore
You betrayed me worse than anyone else and I haven’t forgotten
I still hope that you’re doing fine though
I miss you

My life used to be one click away
One computer in my room
I open a tab
I open a game
My life was now finished for that day

I grew pale from this
Sitting inside with my life locked in a screen
My only friends: strangers on the other side
Were they even friends though?
No, I don't think so
It felt safe however
Only one click to start my life out
And only one click to end it

Sometimes I miss the way it used to be
I realize now however, that life is not meant to be just one click
It's meant to be thousandths of movements in thousandths of different ways
Movements that come from my eyes
Movements that come from my legs
Movements that come from my arms

Life's meant to be something that is always changing and never the same
It's meant to be running around in the rain as I slide and fall all while I laugh away my worries for the day
It's meant to be chasing the bubbles that some stranger's child is blowing
It's meant to be lying down on my towel at the beach and resting my eyes for a second as the warm summer breeze passes by
It's meant to be jumping into my loved ones arms as I see them for the first time in weeks
It's meant to be something that I can look back at and tell my grandkids about with pride

Life online was just a baby step towards this much bigger scheme
A scheme that could only be fulfilled by being fully human
Not a machine that takes one click to power on and off