its strange
you see
I carry him everywhere I go
my tears all belong to him
and my joy is only complete with him
his wide eyes, I long for them eternally  
and I wish I could give him my own
then he would love himself fully
as I do

and thats just how this goes
I lay awake thinking of words that might contain all that you are
and you're deep in slumber
and my heart aches for yours
and your heart aches for another
but I suppose
the world will still turn tomorrow
and I'll love you then
just as I do now

the moment you wake up from a beautiful dream and try desperately to feel back asleep feels a lot like when you leave me

I need to make sure I am nothing less than the person you think me to be
for your love is the greatest part of me

I write to bridge the gap between myself and the universe
I write to make you feel the vast ways the world loves you
call it luck, I'd like to think the universe loves me

I lose words everyday
when the letters manifesting in the stars move my stagnant soul
when birds puff their feathered chest and soar above man made towers
when the universe reveals itself and admires its work
and I am afraid
of one day awaking
with no words

perhaps these words are a cry for help
but I am whole as I am missing
like a canyon
so vast and grand
but so very empty

neither here nor there
over seas of despair
woe is me
friend of the sea
lord of mistakes
governor of ache
well versed in pain
oh the nights that have crawled by
you, the moon and the lake of sorrow on my mind
its as if the moon, dropped her marble tears
in my palms
an offering of peace
its true that I, the poets first true love
illuminated the sky longer than mans time
even this earth has no knowledge of the lengths you've gone to
but I do
I've watched you bloom and wither
forgive me for not standing still
when you split in two
for I have worlds to be
and theres more for you

ever after fairytales of failed loves and lost hope
ever after you and I, I became strong

you're going to miss me as the suns rays hit the corners of your bed
you're going to miss me when words aren't enough and silence weighs heavy
you're going to miss me when you're so sick of missing me
you're going to miss me when its the last day and the earth has swallowed the sun
and beyond that
you'll miss me

sometimes I push down the nails in my throat
somehow years down the road, down the streets and halls and misery and falls
I still think its too soon
someway you are all that occupies my thoughts
you occupied the space between my ribs
now hallow and blue
the space you left refuses to be filled
theres an ache that feels an awful lot like loss tastes like rust and smells like the moment rain hits dust

we're out at sea when you leave me
hushed words, the slap of the wave sounding less harsh than you
the ship; my heart
and you?
you are the very end and the middle
all thats vast and true
blue
all the same I'm blue
and I think of ways to burden you as you've burdened me
but I realize
you're wild and free
and that is why
I loved thee

As loud as my thoughts were, as strange the thread
Quite the accomplice books were
Rebel
Rebel
Rebel
Over and over the revolution said
Here and there you’d see traces of my brothers and sisters in arms
Related not by blood but by a sense of duty we took upon ourselves for mankind
Man has always been thus
Thrusting oneself towards destruction is but human nature
So easy to justify failure when we get disqualified before the race begins
The sound of the buzzer goes off and I am left stranded at the starting line
I hear cheers in the distance, they are not for me
I try my best to stick to the script
I try my best to obey orders
But when one owns a spirit such as mine
When echoes of possible tomorrows ring like bells
Every ring a ****** to my chest
This is where I belong
With the people I stand
Their strength is mine
Destined not for greatness but to lead the great to victory

Glory to the unknown
Glory to the forgotten chambers of our hearts
To the thoughts not amused
The the urges we suppress
I have been this way
Since the day I was born
I do not jump over obstacles, I run through them
Your reign of terror
Your lines I cross
Across the fields of doubt and loss
Lost time and dwindling dreams
Lost children in forgotten fields
When all we’ve known is to follow
To turn back is an act of revolution


Believe me I see what war has done to me
Believe me I know the terrors all too well
Believe them if you wish, they do carry treasures to prove it
But believe not the glory of war
Glory to you
Although you feel small, I feel you all the time
Every step you’ve ever taken has shaped the ground beneath you
You are glory, you’ve been this way since you were born

a masquerade of faces
quickened paces
I cannot tell where they end and I begin
they say smell the flowers when they mean pluck them

an abundance of truths became clear to me after we met
that the voices in my hands are extensions of myself and not to be silenced
to silence them is to silence my truest self

tonight
i manifest your eyes

where I was rash and coarse
he was confidently unconfident
so sure of what he didn't know
he was all soft spoken words, wit dripping off of every word
I wanted his soul
I wanted to memorize the way his eyes twinkled with delight when he talked about something he loved
I wanted to be the thing he loved
he wanted to save the world
I wanted to be his
but I wanted to be the noncommittal sag and run and he was oblivious and beautiful
the world seemed to work against us while simultaneously not caring enough to keep us apart
edging us on long enough for me to fall face flat on the pavement of realization and while mending my bruised ego I sourly admit
****
I fell in love with an aquarius

you belong to no man
to tame is to believe that you are wild
you exist on the edge of normality and thrill
clasping your stars to your chest, so tight you mustn’t hurt yourself
emotions run deeper than I could hope to explore
your feet were always your most prized possession and your dearest friend
putting space between you and the heavy clouds that obscure the light
the sun always comes back around
burning away terrors of the night
warming your tear stained face
the strength you hold inside, kept away for safe keeping
only when the sun comes around do your stars run out to play, hold your hand and run in your field of lovers, pushing away all past obstacles to get you where you need to be
it gets colder before it gets warm
stars need a grey background to shine with all their might

my heart asks about you, what am i to tell her?

its dark and muddy
I’ve always liked the sun
its dark and muddy
unforgiving weather
Each step however difficult is a tribute to you
you’re always in the corners of each room
not an afterthought, but often mentioned at the end
I fear the end
I envy those who take solace in echoing rooms of stained glass
I envy their lord
while I try to remember you
they try to summon strength
they succeed, I do not

one day i’ll be gone
my throat in death as hollow as my chest was in life
all thats left of me is the glaring absence of me
i am nothing if not consistent
i am nothing
except dreams of becoming something
i do not know how i will die
i do not care when i will die
i don’t want your tears
and although i fear being forgotten i don’t want to be remembered
all i ask for is forgiveness
if i have done no wrong by you
then i ask the world forgiveness
i ask human kind to find it in her heart to forgive if only out of pity
i ask myself for forgiveness
i’m sorry for opportunities missed
i’m sorry for days lost laying in bed
i’m sorry for canceling plans so often because my chest lights on fire at the idea of crowds
i’m sorry we never reached our full potential
i’m sorry for fleeting thoughts i never wrote down
i’m sorry you didnt get to change the world
then again,
how lovely it would be to be forgotten
for nothing would hurt more than being stabbed after death
when i cannot shield myself
my rotting corpse unknowing the horros the living are committing
a legacy no longer concerns me
i long to be forgotten

i thought you must have lived a thousand lives, an insatiable hunger for knowledge, and a love for the theatrical
by day, by night
i cherish the eyes you’ve gifted me
sheltered from the unforgiving sun
nothings quite like the feeling of belonging to something greater
something with roots
something with branches that seem to stretch farther than you can see, stronger than they need to be
calmly explain everything to me, answer with a smile and hold me
my father is older than time itself and wiser than god pretends to be
voice as soft as silk, arms that always accommodate me
my father lets me win at chess
I am the center of the oak tree it tells me, I am the oak trees greatest fruit
the oak tree shields me, and when I am burned it heals me
and one day abruptly, it leaves me
the leaves were falling for sometime now
heartbroken as I am I have no time for tears
mother earth, creator of my beloved oak tree
softly whispers in the wind promises of a less harsh tomorrow
the oak tree doesn’t stand where it used to anymore but I carry it with me in my heart, in the way I smile, in the way I carry myself
taking it to places its never been
and sometimes I can almost feel its leaves brushing against my face, reassuring me I’m on the path it intended for me