It's been a year and a half since you ruined this life for me
You missed my 18th birthday and you're about to miss my graduation
Legally, you're not allowed near me...which I'm grateful for
I've seen success and I've experienced failure
But you wouldn't know that
You could never know that.

I'm filled with less hate than I was
And I'm starting to see how this has been a long time coming
You weren't meant to go through this life with me
You weren't meant to be the father I needed,
You were just the ****** father I was stuck with...at least until I was 16

I should've known I would be left to fend for myself
The same way you left my mother to cry on her own
Late in the night when she thinks no one can hear her pain
You're a *****, disgusting man
And Lord only knows why you were put on this Earth
Maybe to do harm, or maybe to teach me a lesson-
To not trust those who should be trusted

here I am with all these late night thoughts
missing you and missing myself
but keeping you up
because I keep second guessing these late night thoughts

it's 1am and yet here i am
thinking and studying and confusing my words
thinking and fumbling til i get  hurt
mixing my feelings with my guilt
and mixing my pain with what i want to feel

all these late night thoughts trapped in my mind
making my head hurt
trying to think of these rhymes
but how my heart feels and how my head hurts somehow coincide
because i'm missing you and hurting at the same time

all is fair in love and war
but i'm the one who made my own heart sore
you did nothing wrong
and i'm sure you know
how sorry i am for tearing you down
how awful i feel for making you look like a clown

i'm not trying to make you sad
i'm just reminiscing on what we had
because those memories are the only ones that keep me sane
and push out those late night thoughts that seem to haunt my brain

it's 2am
and those late night thoughts are popping into my head
the ones where you remember
everything
all the good, all the bad
all the right, and all the wrong
i'm remembering the time we've shared and the time we didn't
i remember the way your face lit up when you looked at me
the way our hands would brush each other when we got too close
it was almost taboo
the way we loved
the way we fell into that relaxed state of mind
because i was yours and you were mine

I'm starting to forget the color of your eyes
And the sound of your voice when you would say "I love you"
I'm starting to forget that unbelievable feeling
When your eyes locked on mine
And we spent those incredible moments spaced out in our own universe
I'm starting to forget how it felt when your fingers plucked at every string of my heart
Only to let out a soft deafening note

The way my hand fit perfectly in yours
And the way your pinky twitched if I made a small move
And the sense of your soul
When we would spend every second laughing at stupid jokes
But forgetting them five seconds later
I've forgotten how it felt to be asleep in your arms late at night
To feel the warmth of your body pressed against mine
I've forgotten who you are and what you stand for
Your personality and minor quirks
The way you'd smile if I looked and you were already staring

And I've forgotten how it felt to be able to forget my worries because I had someone to confide in
And now I don't

It's unfair
How when people leave
Everything that reminds you of them
Tends to stay
It's unfair
How I can't just move on
Without dying a little everyday
It's unfair
...
~It's unfair how much I miss you and
it's unfair how much I really shouldn't.

I've been up for three entire days
And the nights that followed them too
Awake and trying to escape my dreams
Because when I sleep all I ever see is you