I’m not sure why I cry
when I should be asleep
It’s dark out and I try to be soothed by rain
But no peace comes to pacify the pain
I’m not sure if you’re the reason why
My heart hurts and my thoughts are too deep
But I overthink more than I should
Over and over
And I’m anxious over events that don’t take place
And I’m desperately longing to see your face
Even though I can’t take a breath or fade away
So many thoughts and yet nothing to say
And as I continue to cry, stuck miles away
With so many thoughts and yet nothing to say.

How polluted am I
Where even my apologies deflect the desires of remorse
Unable to show sincerity through effort
or through a screen
Could I have become an arrangement that pleases the hearts
of all seated around this vat which holds
my poisoned thoughts
They leak through, unbidden & vengeful
though perhaps there's another way
to set the blame to any other hidden face I miss
knowing that perhaps a brother fades ending
new regret trained to twist and
smother me with sinful grace
I'm so confused, I hate to muse and sift, peruse
my actions of good intent but fickle meaning
crazed enough to ponder them in public
these hidden feelings on my sleeve
I seem to be grinning without teeth
I am a scab unto the world,  I rip
slowly and with delectation
to cause a rift between the gift of people
that gave pause to lift in delegation
a blighted rebel wryly smiling
behind an icy wall of spit
I created

She who dives
down the thorny road
in search for apothecary
to cure the woes

She who didn't
know what she would
find. Is apparently

lost

Then one day  
a Galahad would
come bump her toes

Irrevocable.

Inevitable, at least.

This blasts a loud boom of happenstance

Helpless ****** in the face of
the egoist

Both come to terms
and apparently
It has to be

It simply has to

be

in your presence
i shutdown
probably unhealthy
but it works for now
keeps me from drowning
in anxiety
you provoke
the fight or flight in me
except i just freeze
ice cold
gone to any world
i know
catatonic
floating away
break from reality
to a safe space
being next to you
scares me to death
since the moment you sat down
i've held my breath

I found a foreign love,
under the covers
of a scarlet moon,

she asked me how I was,
and I replied, good, you?
She then began to walk away.

And I was left,
and I felt sick
and ill
and desperate.

For I just want to be in love, not to worry of the morning light.

I will come back in this yard
in the evening
for your heart touching smile
And I will come to the river
alone in the afternoon
to enjoy your walking on water.

I'll wake up early in the morning
to listen to your song
and the smile on your lovely face
will break my pride.
By gazing into your magical eyes
I will draw my dreams
with you forever!

When the noontide is busy
I will miss you, dear
and I'll be relaxed in the garden
with your memories,
I will smile in your happiness
and love you always
if I'm afraid of my future!

When the day is done
and sunlight will be gone
Then my thirsty eyes
will be cool with your beauty
and I will go back to my way again,
I will be back, oh my dear!

I will wear garlands on my neck
of flowers you've given
To reach your lovely eyes,
I will forget myself in this garden.

Suddenly on the pathway
if you meet me
Then you'll throw out flowers
with your shy face
and then to win your heart
I'll pick those flowers up for you.

When you'll walk across me
to the edge with a shy smile
Then I will take the smell
of the flower
that you've worn in your hair.

When you'll turn your face
back to me
to melt me into you again
Then my thirsty heart will be filled
with the tide of pleasure.

From that day on,
you'll think about me
and I will come in your dreams
I know you've been don't forget me
since the day we met on the pathway.