The eons of my life are passing by in a jiffy
Feels like a dream this life
It was only yesterday
That I was cradled in my mother's arms
Her sweet lullaby dispelling my fears
Her motivating words always keeping me positive
Then as the years went by..
...From crawling to walking
From mumbling gibberish to talking...
...I  gradually learnt it all
And yet sometimes I feel like I haven't changed at all
I'm still that shy reserved soul
Absorbing pain and loneliness every single day of my existence
The same introvert finding happiness and comfort in my writings
All my life I've always felt like a misfit for some reason
Now many decades later I still feel the same...
...sure I've changed somewhat
I've aged...
I've lost some hair.. some teeth
I've become a bit forgetful
Times have changed..
Technology has become more prevalent
I'm adapting or at least trying to adapt to these changes as best as I can
...But somethings have remained the same...
I was a loner many eons ago
And I'm still one
And yet I'm still living...
...surviving
...trying to find happiness in whatever I do
Learning or at least trying to learn something each and every day of my life..
Perhaps I guess I'm enjoying the silence and beauty that loneliness offers
I guess solitude is the only thing I have that I can truly enjoy
And if I don't ever find any companionship.. At least I know that I'll always have loneliness by my side...
I sometimes wonder.. Have I lived my life to the fullest?
...Have I achieved all my goals in life?
And I sit and think for hours and days and I just can't come up with any answers to these two questions
I guess I'll never know the answers to these.. Perhaps I'm not meant to...

It's hard to talk about a loss
The emotions just go into overdrive
I've tried and failed innumerable times
But anyways here goes.....
I lost my father about 5 months ago
And yet I still can't come to terms with this painful reality
I still feel his presence everywhere around me
Not a day goes by when I don't think of him
His face keeps wandering in the deepest corners of my mind
I can't sleep at night
My pillow gets decorated with pearls of tears
Everyone around me says that time will heal everything
But will it really???
My world seems shattered
My whole life has changed
At times I feel like I'm falling into an abyss of hopelessness
I've realized that there are some kinds of pain that never go away no matter what you do
I guess the only choice I have is to learn to live with this pain
Dearest Dad...wherever you are.. I hope you find comfort there
I miss you so much and I promise to take care of the family as best as I can
I know we had our differences but deep within I always knew that you loved me and truly cared for me as I always did for you

Dearest Almighty.. Please give me the strength to fight through this difficult period in my life and take care of my family

they say there is a place when life come to its end
in heaven up above with angels as your friend
watching over you in there land of peace
no more pain to bare from now on it will cease

from now on you are safe with angels guarding you
way up high above in the sky so blue
safe for evermore you will always be
in a land of love with a life thats free

oneday all your loved ones will be there with you
right there by your side when there an angel to
united all together in the sky so blue
sharing love once more that you always knew

took the slow way
to search for love-
off all beaten tracks

moved into space
that so-  
space opened in me

took the time
for time it takes
to be free.

I have came to the realize that the world is not all sunshine and rainbows.
I realized its a gaint hole.
As a child we are taught to shoot for the stars and reach for the sky.
As an adult all im shooting for is the surface.
I have fallen into a hole that doesn't have a entrance nor a exit.
I can't seem to find the way out.
The farther I get, the clearer things become.
The basic concepts to life start to become irrelevant.  
I've meet many souls down in the hole.
But they all must leave for i have given them the light to find the way out.
When i leave the hole i will either be a changed soul or a pile of ash.
For i can only survive in told darkness for so long.
So along the journey i hope to find my light so i can find my way out of the hole.

Do you remember, the "BEST"
     Poem you ever Read,
the one that, to your love
     of Poetry, it led?
Did it set you upon your quest,
     to write a Poem to pass the test,
       of being someone else's,
            "BEST"?

Next to my computer desk, a battery
driven wall clock audibly ticks away each
expired second, "Tick Tock, Tick Tock,"
In the silence of the room, it's every measure
clicking like muffled somber drumbeats.
Sitting today the clock a foot from my ear,
I placed my fingers on my neck and found
a perfectly matching heart pulse beating
"Thump-Thump, Thump-Thump repeated.
Clock and Heart together paired in perfect
synchronization, an inescapable reminder
of the fleeting precious time that remains.

Each second, minute, hour and day a
cherished gift.

A memorable night.
     Anniversary cruise,
        down the Danube,
          with Budapest alight.

My heart unfurls
from this dip in duality

Smile appears
laughter erupts

Ah, you got me
yet again

Duality my
fun little friend


How peaceful it is
to step back again

Space to breathe
space to see you

as ME


~nbnmnt. 26 Dec 2022