Julia Celine

Julia Celine Jan 3

In the grave there is a whisper
I thought I’d finally speak aloud
For the sake of one sole listener
Who never made me proud

Underneath the stiff church seats
Someone beats a heavy drum
I was silent when you stomped your feet
And left me feeling numb

I took every shot I thought I deserved
And tried my best to be
The water that you walked on
The poison that you bleed

Like a starved man, I'd chew
The harsh regret between my teeth
Until the belly fills with rue
And really, I’m still hungry

And at the end of it all I’m still afraid
That living souls will speak my name
That I will meet my maker when
The last of love inside me ends

And then there is the lingering fear
That I was never worth your tears
You’ll cry and bellow out my name
And never know I cry the same

#fear #death #regret

Julia Celine Sep 2024

The sun shined on me today

The sun shined on me today
And I found a reason to live again
For the moment
I am the caterpillar out of the cocoon
And the next moment I am crawling
A profound distance
Across a shattered room
Because the sun shines on me today

You had yet to notice me
And I was unafraid to roam
The grass stood tall and at attention
Down the aisle and beyond
Believing that behind me
My winged cape, still weeping,
Will learn to stand alone
I may not see tomorrow
But the sun shines on me today

Carry on to farther markers
While we may never see the shore
Create my solar system stemming
From the burning concrete floor
For life is for the moments
We do not hide away
Even dying, I feel alive
The sun shined on me today

#hope #freedom #anxiety

Julia Celine May 2023

The end

Someone promise me forever
As far as forever takes this world
Suspend me in an orange sun
Too hot to be a good thing
In this moment I feel so heavy
I’m not going anywhere
Sit beside me here
Where the last of our rivers mist
And when my head begins to dip
I hope it catches the cradle
Of your hands, so cool
Against my burning, tear-tracked cheeks
I hiccup a laugh at a joke you told
And urge my neck to strain
My eyes must be sparkling
When they turn to your light
You smile so bright
And so clear and sharp
Like morning
Cut through me here
Where you know my heart descends
This is how my world ends
I want it to be you
As the world is on fire
Whispering promises and
Holding me closer
To the flame

#love #loss #friendship #depression

Julia Celine Jan 2023

Dawn

The stars giggle
Drunk on the dust
In the Milky Way
They tip over
Turning a fall into a dip
When I squint
I see you just like this
Dancing at the end of a stick

I would like to say
I wake up in the morning
Refreshed and ready
But I just squint through the light
Pouring through my window
Trying harder and harder to see you
As you disappear

Julia Celine Dec 2022

Splatter

What is my work worth really
Passion only plays on
What luck can fuel
To love something enough
Makes no promises or obligations

Inspired by the hope of the few
I get up and take a look in the mirror
I go to offer some words of encouragement
But my reflection hits harder than the words
In my control

They say that
A picture speaks a thousand words
The sun in my skin has faded
My hair flat and dull

How long have I been in my room
Watching
Trying to grow a heart strong enough to fight
Based on romanticized fiction
And achievable ideals
Where am I really
Standing here dripping
In hypocrisy
Who am I now
With crazed, shining eyes
Losing color through my tear ducts

I shift
In the puddle of paint
Crusting around my ankles
And pick at the flakes
That scale my jaw
It works like rusted machinery now
And no ones handling
The upkeep
For anything less than my very best

Depreciating and decaying
Every year
Until I pass as abstract art

Julia Celine Dec 2022

Zombie

I wonder how deep I can bury myself
Before my breath begins to thin
I’ve been looking for ways
To shirk my skin
At the bottom of this pit

Then I wonder if I can exist
Just like this
Every time I hear my name
My gut creates a crooked twist

So I wonder who will still be here
When my voice corrodes like tin
In some watery, choked collision
Of the body that I’m in

#depression #loss #insecurity

Julia Celine Dec 2022

Secrets

There’s a secret in heaven
In the vines weaved through the overcast
Of a leafy canopy
Someone sleeps in the gathering
Of rain puddles and
Drips like the liquid
In an IV
They say,
Someday
We will be free
From our lost ideals
And speak the last words
We can muster
Someday
We will hear them floating in the
Particles of the wind
And become the stories
That the earth
Tells to the stars

#hope #eternity #peace