I am an empty shell;

a vessel for things shared with me
laughters had with family

memories made with friends
differing opinions on events

challenges I have faced
blessings that amazed

nothing but a summary
who they all taught me to be

so I have to take a bow
and turn to thank them all

I am an empty shell
but through life I have been filled

and now I come to speak my word
with the echo of voices I once heard

To hold your hand, to taste your skin
To love you, they claimed, was my first sin.

For you are my heaven, my breath, my song,
Yet to love you feels both right and wrong.

The weight of faith and fear collide,
In a heart that aches but cannot hide.

But my parents wait where the angels dwell,
And I fear this love will lead to hell.

But if I must lose you to see their face,
Would heaven not feel an empty place?

I don’t want to remember,
this last month of November.
Gouge it from my eyes,
carve it off my lips,
scrub it from my soul.
You see,
the moon rests high,
while the tides pulled low
and waiting for that change
merely hardens the soft blow.

The petals of the flowers have turned to dust,
leaving behind a bitter taste of ash that burns in my heart.
The words that once flowed freely from my tongue
now feel like coffins, trapping my thoughts and emotions inside.
It seems foolish to even speak about death
when it feels like it's already consuming me.

As I lay awake in the darkness of yet another sleepless night,
I realize that my callousness towards others
is nothing but a defense mechanism.
But in the end, I know that I'll just be a stranger
to them by tomorrow's rest.

The sun crawls over
my dusty window,
And through the *****
beige curtains

Rays of sunshine
bring color to my room,
Though I appreciate
the sentiment

I grab tightly unto
the ropes of light,
I tight myself a noose,
and slowly set it
Down for later,

I’ll move a chair,
To my favorite
Part of the living Room,
I’ll put on my best clothes,

Smoke a last cigarette,
And breath a little fresh air,
I hop unto the chair,
I let my hair down,
I put the noose around my neck
I can feel it itch and burn,
I give my heart another chance
To let go,

An overwhelming feeling
Comes over me,
Like my chest is trying to explode,
I lament as palpitations
Try to cave in my rib cage,
As if day turns into night
And there’s nothing I can
Do to stop it.

But god, oh god.

I want to stay awake.

Feel the breeze that knocks on my door,
And the thought
of being able to love again,
Grants me a little bit of hope,
I can’t keep living like this,
I’ve cried distilled waters
So many that
Lately I tip toe
Around containers
That catch the excess
My skin can’t retain.

I wish to surrender to the wind,
I Open the door to let it in,
As it passes through me,
The noose around my neck starts to fade,
And I’m free,
For maybe another Day.

Some women belong to the Spring.
They're meant to bloom,
but they were never yours to keep.

i think i just wanted my innocence back.

i can't get my first kiss back.
i've been touched and approached and pursued in ways i didn't want.

i just wanted my first times to Anything to be special.
i wanted my first, real lover to stroke my cheek with their hand and i wanted to kiss them for the first time under the stars,
i want butterflies and no doubt.
no doubt, no fear,
just butterflies.

i can't unfeel his hand on my leg.
i wanted the first person to touch me in Any way to be someone who i love, who i trust.
not a ball and chain, not a push and pull.

growing up in a shaking, rumbling home,
i've seen people come and go.
i've heard the cries through closed doors and the yelling on the lawn.
this was love.

i prayed when i was young that maybe i could get something different.

i used hate the way i would be awake at four in the morning.
i remember the way everything used to feel so haunting and scary.
there were no words to describe how deep inside my mind i would sink into,
scared and afraid of no return.

but now,
oh now,
i love it.
i fell in love with the quiet.
there was no more worry or fear.