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3.0k · Sep 2018
Behind Me
TheSaneSaloon Sep 2018
Temptation watches from afar.
It lurks, patient, and shrewd.
Knowing best,
it will come from the shadows.
It has many masks, and with each one,
pulls the rug from under my feet.

A familiar fall,
comes with new hurts.

Laid out, not wanting to rise.
Since resolutions are meeting demise.
This time I lay, whispering "whys."
Feeling the ground, ruminating lies.
Breathing in and exhaling defeat.
The cherry of this Winston, my only heat.
1.9k · May 2019
The Chase
TheSaneSaloon May 2019
They are thieves, and yet they walk in
"No forced entry."  has been the told tale
"Oh, home sweet home." sighs the owner.
A stranger in his home, but his home all the same
He knows every cranny
He'll sit and watch them raid the cupboards,
they leave when full...Broken bottles, Cigarettes strewed

He was made for a 100 miles.
Born for The Chase
Gathering arms, declaring the hunt

All day I run with no end in sight
My gaze has weakened
So again I rise, and lift my head to stare down the horizon
I will run a 100 miles and even more,
Until exhaustion grips my foes, bringing them to the dirt
I tower over what once dominated,
And looking down
I see them...

Clawing at my feet for mercy.
Choking between sobs, they curse me.

Snot bubbles form, laced with dust.
Terror takes its grip.
They beg me, "lets us go, you must!"

Our eyes meet, and silence takes reign.
I stretch out my hand, wink, and say thanks for the pain.
About inner demons.

I think its appropriate to disclaim that I posted this last year for a brief time to only make it private. However, its been changed, so I want to share once more. Its hard letting it go, I wanted to hold onto it until it was "perfect"
1.3k · Sep 2018
Gatekeeper
TheSaneSaloon Sep 2018
Sitting and waiting for words to come.
Impatience my Gatekeeper
Nothing leaves, nothing comes through.
Gaurded so well,
the kingdom withers within.
Words reject force.
Truth has no manipulator, its master is none.
It darts and evades,
like the most precious of prey.
As the predator starves for its ****.
truth death words
1.3k · Sep 2019
I lost my Voice
TheSaneSaloon Sep 2019
When I was up,
Skipping cloud to cloud,
No one was found,
I sang for none to hear.

The next day I rise
Yawned-
and surprise,
It left me with just the Fear.

I cannot speak,
This voice I lost, left the day it found no ear.

The people stare
They warn beware, with-
Apologetic hugs, condescension in a guise.

I groaned and fought,
through exasperated thought,
A bitter lesson that was taught:
In murmured state, accepting fate,
Thinking-
"**** that voice,
Its incessant noise."
My Silence makes this clear.

Now I use, two things called ears,
Listening for,
My still lost voice,
Listening and waiting, for 30 some odd years.
1.1k · Oct 2018
And, Merry we go round.
TheSaneSaloon Oct 2018
To  paper and pen, he goes again.

To find some truth, or whatevers
akin.
Yet, he writes in circles, no telling where to begin.
His questions grow louder, approaching wits end.
His answers slip through, fingers broken with sin.
Theres so many voices, and none to befriend.
So lost in a world, that continues to spin.

If he could only know,
As long as theres breath,
He's destined to win.
The weight of my world has felt crippling lately.
knowing where to turn has been unfruitful.
At times like these, I tend to whisper "Jesus"
877 · May 2020
Welter
TheSaneSaloon May 2020
Writing,
Drawing and painting.
Woodworking,
Welding and making.
Circuitry,
Electronics and more.
Pneumatic, mechanic, IC chips galore.

***** in the veins,
skewed and torn.
Hangovers battled, and seemingly won...
...as the body grows numb...
...limbs waking in hazy hum.

Roll another,
Tobacco makes its mark—
Lungs defiled,
Body failing,
Cherries burn brightest in the dark.

Lets call some lucky,
That they knew from the start,
Yet I continued hoping,
He would come back and restart.

The years draw on,
The day the pickup drove away,
I screamed for him,
Did he hear? check the review mirror and then accelerate?

Children of my own, a wife, and a home.

5150,
It's waiting....
It's ready, patiently prone.

Context needed,
Needed for concepts to churn
Listen closely.
A decibel past a whisper —
A Truth heard from the urn.
808 · Oct 2019
Sharing walls with Tweakers
TheSaneSaloon Oct 2019
3am....boom!
Door slams, feet pounding on stairs.
4am....boom!
My household remains asleep, Only me and my cares.

They come in all colors,
different flavors,
unique fears,

No status quo,
different walks,
All sorts of careers

The business owners,
The urban campers,

The highschool dropouts,
Grownups still in Pampers.

Theres even the alumni,
with their bumper sticker,
All taking a medicine,
that only makes them sicker.

All the while, the thoughts harbored within-
Makes me think, this wall we share, may as well be paper thin.

I smell the smell,
Made a call with a cell,

No help from the ones dressed in blue
Just me and myself, seeing it through.

The war is mine,
The battles they own,
Let it end, before this wall we share,
Becomes their gravestone
This is my rough draft.
I may repost the finished version
Either way, Its one of my current "big" troubles in life. So, writing it out, getting it out there, feels most important
493 · Jul 2019
The D Word
TheSaneSaloon Jul 2019
She says she wants this
then she does what is different
I say ill make it work
then go back to indifference.

We point the finger in another's face day after day.
All the while, the children learn that what's broken, only stays that way.

We both live lives our parents left us.
They gave us their chains,smiling and saying, "Dance in freedom as so"
"I cant dance with this weight"
"But you will, from your knees you will grow"

The chains made us strong, our wits picked the lock.
They lay on the ground,come with me, lets stand up and walk.

The children keep watching, they learn with their sight.
We keep practicing our preach, constructing the soap box to new height.

A temptation took root, begging formation...
Leave all thats been made, and begin with whats new.
But that story's been told, and reruns run dry. So I cast off that thought, that ancestral lie.

The game of ifs.
If I didn't have this
If I hadn't done this
But a game of ifs needs its fair play
If you would only do this,
what would life have to say?

The D word stays silent, taking syllable form forbidden.
I grit my teeth and question why this heart remains hidden.
354 · Sep 2018
A dance for two
TheSaneSaloon Sep 2018
The Unknown between ears...
Its destruction evident,
its peace illusory.
This hope for tomorrow,
that eyes will open anew.

A hope that is futile.

This night does not end,
these eyes have forced shut.
I am without,
my wardrobe I burnt, naked I walk.
In the ruin I made my peace.
In the pit I found rest.
In the depths I built my forge.
Refining hopes...melting away futilities.
I forge Myself,
My pas de deux with darkness.
341 · Sep 2019
He broke my hip
TheSaneSaloon Sep 2019
I wrestled with God
and I won,
Victory now marked by a limp.
I shuffle through life.
My infirmaries the people's jest.
Yet I know-
The roles She willfully exhanged.
She looks above from my footstool.
She does not grovel,
She is no sore loser.
She knew Her opponent.
She knew the game She designed-
The rules She made for man.
She stepped down to contend in my arena.
She shook my hand,
the Referee set aside,
She raised my arm.
At last, Atlas rises...
And Creator and Sabbath are one.
Originally, I had He instead of She.
Then I remembered how past/even current cultures portray the devine creator as female.
So as a male living in a household of 3 females- who I admire and respect more than any other-I thought " **** it, lets make it different, make it something Im not used to."

And yes, I know the title was left with "He"
I gotta bait my fundamental christians=P
309 · Apr 2019
Strip Away
TheSaneSaloon Apr 2019
Distracted, caught in a game
Smart phone, fame
This mind is led by its brain
A new life sought, now stake a claim

Gouged out my eyes,
In Jesus name
Cut out my tongue,
The rudder that steered in disdain
Pierced my eardrums,
That cynic's voice was to blame

Blind, deaf, and mute....
and feeling like never before!

So, Ill heat the iron.
Cauterize the fingers,
then the toes,
What stench?
I first melted my nose.
It should only make sense,
When one never stops to smell the rose.
All that remains goes beyond prose.
I have this idea that If I lose focus, Ill lose everything. All the while, this body Im bound to is pulled to answer anything that even hints as a means to find relief.
306 · Dec 2018
Tear em' down
TheSaneSaloon Dec 2018
At first, he hates the walls.
Then, he gets used to them.
Until his walls are all he knows.
Trading freedom for retreat,
The cage becomes the sanctuary.
Who are you?
An answer not produced, but rather received may be the compass,
Traversing a path yet taken,
On a jouney not yet imagined.
Whose ending is the beginning
Of the life known by only one.
Im here.
Im leaving what was never there.
270 · Jan 2019
When It Comes
TheSaneSaloon Jan 2019
When I hear the knock at my door
Will I hide under cover?

Yet, It doesnt matter, It will kick it in,
So then, how will it find me
Wide eyed, crazed with fear...
begging and muttering "No's!"

No,
when the knock comes
prepared I pray.
Resolute, inviting the inevitable.
"Will you sit? stay and drink, if this is it."
A guest in my home, and one finally, fully welcomed.
We leave together
A ****** grin, a countenance, resolved my resolution, and departation my celebration
190 · Nov 2019
Picture is everything
TheSaneSaloon Nov 2019
Words are nothing.
To the blind I say the same.
In action truth is realized,
In tongue merely shaped.

Both sides lived-
With sight and without.
Words have their appeal,
Zero comparison to heartfelt zeal.

locked-in syndrome-
the ending to conundrum.

senses are endless,
The confusion shows they're senseless.

Let the "ending" perpetuate,
In circles lie the debate,
No resolution to celebrate.
All the while, the "Locked-in"
May have a real chance,
at finding the voice within.

Words are empty,
Being can simply-
The way to attain,
A truth fanned into flame.
Where skeletons in the closet, may now meet their slain.
183 · Aug 2019
Dont come a Knockin'
TheSaneSaloon Aug 2019
4am and I was naked,
Drinking cheap, listenin' to Lewis.
Things have changed now,
Im wearing clothes.

Fatigued from the fog-
My hand pulls over my face.
It smells of *****.
She's my Commitment, My Anchor.
And my ultimate capsize.

Her ankles in my hands, legs spread to their limit,
Eyes locked, piercing breaths-
I want nothing more,
Every ****** as if the last.

My bliss,
Before Death's ending kiss.
If youve followed, there may be a surprise, and for that I wont apologize.

Happy Saturday to
my time zone=)
157 · Apr 2021
Doesn’t Matter
TheSaneSaloon Apr 2021
Hello, Poetry.
What happened to you?
What turned, when did a “thumbs up” become the end?

Then again,
A “thumbs up” was at the start.
So where was the turn,
Perhaps in our heart?

So, watch me now.
Watch me fly away and never return.
Questions answered,
Poetry answered my call,

It gave me wings,
And I fly away from It all.

Goodbye, Poetry— I mustn't, I can’t, I will not see you next Fall.
144 · Apr 2020
Miracle
TheSaneSaloon Apr 2020
Dying by suicide.
Drowning myself,
Scorching myself,
Withering and frail,
Mental suicide,
Pickled brain,
Chasing my tail.

The courage lost,
That day I set sail.

Myself and my sorrows,
Going down with the ship,
Clutched to one another-
Drowning partners,
Vests float on by.
We are going down with the ship.

Now, I'm stuck down here.
A fate unforeseen.
Here, at the bottom of the sea.
A pocket of air and borrowed breath-
Water collapses in,
And stifles my cry to be free.

Blackness ensues,
People mourn.
A heart renews,
Mending what was once torn.

Looking down, the ships float on by.
Knowing now,
They all sail on a bottomless sea.
And their end,
Is their only chance to be free.
129 · Dec 2019
I remember when
TheSaneSaloon Dec 2019
You were smaller then,
You called me Da Da.
Id pick you up,
hold you close,
Tears and snot, seeping through my shirt.

I wish I had that shirt,
wish I never washed it.
Id wear it always,
And pick you up,
hold you close,
And remember when,
when you were smaller then.
Praying that You and I,
would never end.
My firstborn daughter holds a special place in my heart, I forget that at times, wish I never did.  A silly wish, really. I cant help being perfect, and can you blame me? I was born this way. I couldnt choose perfect anymore than I could my own skin color.

— The End —