Growing up for me hasn’t been about maturing or becoming wise
It’s about becoming desensitized
And disengaged
It’s about losing my idealism and accepting my lot
I may have been an emotional wreck when I was teenager
But at least I knew how to feel
At least then I didn’t give up

Some kind of day this has become
If only I could spontaneously combust,
Like a star in the night sky
Burning bright in one final blaze of glory
Before it’s all gone
Spontaneous human combustion,
The headline would read.
How marvelous that would be.

I’m falling down again
I can feel my bones solidify into stone
My body feels heavy once more
This time is terrifying
I know what’s to come
This time I feel like screaming
This time I want to run

it’s everything and nothing and a brain full of thoughts
when the exhaustion’s fills your bones and nothing you can say has any meaning
My lips stay shut
And my smile is fake
And my heart aches and aches and aches

In my dreams I watch a girl be everything she ever wanted to be,

When I wake up I know that girl could never be me.

Cradle me in your collar bone
Let me curl up and live there,
Beneath the shadow of your jaw,
In the crook of your neck.

I’ve lost sleep over that collar bone,
And I’ll lose sleep again
Until I’m yours.