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i've run out of poetry,
and now all i'm left with
is gray.

gray surroundings,
gray people.
i'm lost in a world
that's lost in itself.

i can't find the words
to even say what i'm feeling,
because all i see is confusion
staring right back at me.

i'm in a room full of mirrors,
my own reflection
not appearing
because i've lost myself
in the depths of my thoughts.

someone,
please find me,
someone, anyone,
i'm gasping for air
that's not even there.

no one understands,
yet you're all here to listen.

there's only one problem.

i can't find the words-
i've run out of poetry.
my solution to having writer's block but also desperately needing to write at the same time
A girl. Saddened.
But her insurance won’t pay for the shrink anymore.
Cause her mama got married, to a man that’s never round. A man that had too, lived in this sleepy town.
Don’t forget about her friends,
the ones that barely exist. The ones that taunt and tease her, the ones with balled up fists.
Even though some try, they never stick around. They always give right up on her and it’s often caused her to frown.
Forgetting to take her meds always,
because she’s just a kid. Meds for her health, but is she even sick?
Good golly gracious, she says that a lot. When things go wrong or she finds her self in an unlucky spot.
Hello, I’ve cried today. The normal, red eye look, thank god it was all over a midnight sun book.
I can’t believe the girl, the one she used to be. With the cute blonde curls, and happy family.
Just wait a minute. Let me talk to you,
stick around to read this thing and maybe you’ll learn too.
Keaton, that’s her last name, a gift from her dad. The perfect man that helps her remember the good times she’s had.
Listen very closely. I’ve lost my will to speak, lost my want to fight because I’ve gotten weak.
Mama’s always gone, all of the time.
She’s never even around to read my HePo rhymes.
No, even when she’s here, I’m all alone.
She’s locked up in her room, or on that telephone.
Oh what I’d give to take a trip on back.
To take a stroll amid my young past.
Papa (grandpa) was always rude
telling me I was “fat” and needed to eat less food.
Quit the shouting please, I don’t want to hear. These voices that are screaming deep within my ear.
Recount all your blessings, hold them close to you. Because the news of someone else is too bitter to be true.
So here I am in bed, tears soaked into my pillow case, leaving trails of salty flames down my ugly face.
To tell the truth, I’m blessed with a roof over my head, but haunted by the monsters that don’t live under the bed.
Unless something happens, and someone’s put on mute, I’ll keep hiding from those mean old things and continue to give you the scoop.
Very real and scary, showing their teeth.
They look okay on the outside, but it’s whats lying underneath.
Well I guess I could tell you a tiny bit more, but there’s a person watching, maybe outside my door.
Yes I’ll stay alive and yes I’ll talk to you.
I really need to thank poetry for helping me get through.
O.K
Sometimes you have no reason to stay,
and realize that's a perfect argument to go.
And that taking an entirely new way,
is the sore but single method to grow.

If you're washed-on abeyance's bight,
and you feel decision's heavy heft:
To choose the left where nothing's right,
or go to the right where nothing's left.

Remember it matters not where you proceed,
or which mountain you want to ascend.
It does not matter whether you succeed,
it is the journey that matters in the end.
that's the problem with today's self-expression
everyone is too busy asking if theirs looks right
It lies beneath the ground, safe and sound, bound to bring us to a point

Does it know our motivations- our will to spin around in our own oxygen?

A type of musical note lifts up from the stone
A kind of poetic mist fills our eyes with the visions to set us free

It sings, it laughs, it watches us cry
It dances and prances at our own accord

The dark moon always finds us
Lying in our rooms, sleeping in the night
The dark moon always finds us,
Providing us with the dynamite

What does it tell you to do?
It watches us in such a manner

The dark moon
written 29 September 2017.

by The Lenora.

All rights reserved.
I am drowning as if I have never lived
Grasping ahold of nothingness tainted in the air
Gasping for the love I once sought

In a constant search for the answers
Which lead all but nowhere
At last I have learned to make that nowhere
My home
written 23 June 2018.

by The Lenora.

All rights reserved.
why I love certain men


it’s a raining and writing Saturday,
a washout for the beach visitors who chose their
calendar lottery tickets poorly

but hurrah and huzzah for the poet
in the no-sun-today-room with
steam collecting on his face from his 20 oz. Canadian mug,
the rest of him cozied neath a
wooly mohair knitted and tasseled blanket,
from a now naked and shivering alpaca goat in Turkey or Tibet

perhaps we’ll make a tiny dent
in the 1319 poems,
in the ‘sorta started to do’ list

****.
new one sneaks in demanding immediate satisfaction
and threatening my mind’s incarceration unless,
serviced and unleashed as the Frenchies say

Frites, immédiatement!: (french fries, now!)

I love most men; certain men more than others,
not because they are soft to the touch,
look great in thigh highs, can fix a backhoe,
lay hands on animals, just as they do upon their grandchildren,
or write better poetry than me,
because
they make me weep from zealous delight at
their capricious unprecedented constancy of their
honorable actions

they are soft to the core, which is itself
wrapped in a leather soldered steel,
which defines them by their self-questing constant,
asking themselves preface and postface,
doing it well, in between,

what is the honorable thing?

this honor idea of which writ previous
doesn’t dissolve - indeed grows crescendo stronger,
like the miracle of the Yom Kippurs rams horn
crying out to heavens at the concluding end  
on the holiest judgement day,
a shofar miracle for it inhumanly grows ever louder,
ceasing only when nightfall marks a new day begun,
reminding both sinners and saviour each,
to inquire of their colluding selves on this forgiveness-giving day,

what is the honorable thing?

some are borrowers and some lenders,
of anything, the substance or the whom matters not,
but the bonding bonfire from which the deal is done,
is of a uncharted organic chemical matter unrecognized
but millennium ancient


here I stop

the call to breakfast must be obeyed,
for it’s with lovely made, menu man-poet requested,
this is too an honorable thing to do,
and the 1319 half blood~half writs poking my eyes,
can be faced with new courage afterwards
on a perfect raining and writing Summer Saturday
for the next one hopefully and woefully

may not come till the September (Rosh Hashanah/Jewish New Year) when acorns fall

certain men will greet that fall Sabbath/ New Years Day,  
when Atonement begins, a ten day process to the final conclusion,
by asking of everything living and of every act human performed,
for the forgiveness requested inherent in the absolute bar setting of

what is the honorable thing?

which by the by,

is why I love certain women too...

and all who are honorable
will read this honorific and remain
clueless as to whom it is addressed...

oh god, I do so love that best!

what could signal honor even more...
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