I smile
And laugh
And talk
Along with everyone else

But inside
My head
Is churning
With thoughts
I know are not welcome

I hold it in
Try to shove it in a box
And throw it in the back of my head
Where I hope I can’t find it

But my wishes are ignored
And they come tumbling back
To the front of my mind
Where they whirl around

“Are you okay?” They ask
“I’m fine” I say

I’ll just try to hold it in
For a little while longer
Until I snap
And slowly disappear
From the life I used to live

I scream and shout and cry
Tired of thinking I am usesless
That no one cares

Trying to trick my self into thinking I don’t have depression
That those people I see in the pamphlets who look so hopless
Couldn’t be me

Maybe if I say that
“I’m fine”
Enough times
I will be okay

I kept chasing
you, as if
you were
a distant dream.
But dreams
are not always
dreams.
Sometimes, we have
nightmares too.

It’s the horror of all horrors
It’s the worst of the worst
And you know that once you catch it
You are really truly cursed

To be under subjugation
Under horrible control
And it’s not planning to give back
Anything it stole

It stole your creativity,
All your rights, your name
And I’m just sick of playing
It’s sick twisted game

I looked up at my sister
She smiled and shook her head
And said it’s writers block my friend
**** it up until the end