it felt like my heart and soul were right next to each other
falling out of my chest slowly
painfully...
it hurt more than it ever did out of just realizations
i couldn't walk
i felt like throwing myself on the wood floor of the entrance of my new home
it felt like there was a black hole inside me
literally...
"come on open your present"
i don't answer because of the ******' pain
i throw myself on my bed and keep crying and crying...
"hey, open your gift!"
i don't bother to answer just to see if she'll come and comfort me
i left my door open on purpose
"hey, do you want to open your gift?" she sees me crying and sighs
she lays down next to me, hugs me and sighs once again
me?
i'm still crying and i don't really know the reason why yet
"what did he say to you that made you cry this hard?"
i cry harder and i can barely breathe
i stop just to answer
i think twice before saying what 'i want' to say, but i don't care at this point
i should be able to express myself 'exactly' how i feel it, so then i say...
"he's just a ******' *******"

"I can see my door, my bed, my window, my chair, and my table.

"I can feel my spine against the wall, my feet against the floor, my jaw tightly shut, and my fingernails buried in my arms.

"I can hear the wind coming in from the open window, my heartbeat rapidly thumping, and that familiar voice in my head, shouting once again.

"I can smell the dampness of the ground outside as the breeze carries it to my room, and the sickly sweet odor from the soap used on my hands.

"I can ******* blood spilling from the bite in my lip; my last harsh reminder that
        I
        am      
        still
        alive.

Alone.
Together.

Dark at night.
Blinding darkness.

Only the stars as our lights.

Going beyond our limits.

Let's give up the silence with
our kisses and hard breathing.

There I lay in the middle of a room with 4 walls and a light staring straight right at me. Glaring like it want to say something but there was no sound. Then I laugh, its funny because even for a second there I really thought that , the light would tell me something. After a while I can hear a familiar sound, It was rain hitting the roof. Again it felt like it was saying something and yet again I started to laugh for there was no voice and i'm fooling myself how could rain tell me something. For hours I never stop staring at the ceiling with a blank thought, not even thinking of anything. Then I realized its dark, I'm pretty sure the light was on a little while back and no one had entered the room to turn it off. In my mind i'm sure its a blackout but i'm comfortable to where I lay. I didn't bothered to check. Now I'm staring at ceiling again but there was no light. The light that has been glaring at me  earlier.  It was pitch black. The darkness seemed to be telling me something yet in my head. Is still blank state. Then there was silence the rain have stop. It was so silent that I can hear my heart beating and even my breathing. The silence was absolutely deafening. I was scared I don't know why, as I feel the room getting and getting smaller in the darkness. The silence starts to hurt. I'm getting flash backs of my past, all of those memories sink in,  in a flash. Now i'm truly scared. I tried to move but my body wont. I tried to scream but theres only whispers coming out my lips. The silence I was experiencing was truly different and the darkness was a new. Then I heard it. Loud and clear. It struck me and then I realized. What was the message. Then a lighting flashed, then the lights turned on. Thunders roared then it broke the silence. I just immediately stood up. Look at the clock, it was already 3 am, Then I said to myself what a good day to LIVE.