i insist to keep watching romance movies
turturing myself knowing i probably would never feel what the characters feel
that i will die without a caring lover.
how much i crave for love.
how much i need warmth.
safety & trust.
i want somebody to give my love to & not be used for.
somebody who understands me better than i do.
somebody who fills the love i should be giving to myself.
i insist to keep dreaming of you,
because you are the one i love the most.
you are the one i crave.
when we see eachother after long periods of time & we have a great time,
we always have that moment when we lock eyes
& i admire your beauty & you i can´t really say because i don´t know,
but i do know that sometimes you feel it too.
i know there´s a spark & you know it too,
but when are you going to stop denying it ?
i love you with all my heart,
& i can´t bare to know that you won´t stay in my life forever;
i will die of loneliness if you disappear from my life.
this is about a guy i will forever be in love with --> A.T.R.A
- 1 0 / 2 9 / 1 9 - 2 : 4 4 p . m .
he stopped liking me
out of nowhere
and i´m sitting here wondering
why am i not good enough for anyone ?
is it because i´m dumb ? because you say that.
maybe i´m too crazy to handle ?
because i love too hard ?
please tell me
i really wanted you
i thought we could become something
i thought i would finally feel loved and comfortable at the same time
i guess not
am i not pretty enough to you ? because you complain how nobody in our city looks like the cute internet girl you watch on your phone.
maybe i´m just too boring, that could explain why you started ignoring me and stay stuck on your phone when were finally alone.
i thought you would be good for me
i thought you were different
but i guess
i´ll just sit here and wonder more ...
10 / 23 / 2019 - 1 0 : 3 5 a . m .
how can you with someone who wants to **** themselves everytime they feel sad or somebody yells at them ? how can you be someone who´s scared of commitment ? how can you be with someone with abandonment issues ? how can you be with someone that needs reasurement everyday or if not they think you no longer want them ? how can you be with someone so emotional ? how can you love someone who don´t even love themselves ? how can you be with someone so emotionally unstable ? how can you be with someone who constantly sabotages themselves ? how can you be with someone so lazy ? how can you be with someone who don´t see beyond their flaws ? how can you be with someone who has bipolarity ? how can you be with someone depressed ? how can you be with someone so negative ? how can you be with someone who settles for less ? how can you be with someone that takes everything seriously ? how can you be with someone so sensitive ?
how could you be with me ?
1 0 / 0 7 / 1 9 - 6 : 3 6 p . m .
let´s sit quietly
in rainy weather
in my dark room
on cold sheets
at late hours
locking our eyes
eachother in the dark
with little light from the moon gazing through the window
fingertips slide on the covers
to my knees
caressing my skin
hands on my hips
go for my face
& lean in for a kiss
mesmerize my hunger
for your lips
& you tell the rest . . .
9 / 2 9 / 1 9 - 8 : 0 7 p . m .
he was looking away so i took advantage just to look at him & admire
i could not take my eyes off of him
slowly my eyes started to tear up from happiness
the tears started running down
i was just so happy to have him
i couldn’t believe he was mine
it wouldn’t click in my head how happy i was
my happiness at that moment was unexpectedly overwhelming
& to express that overwhelmingness
tears started running down my cheeks
i didn’t want him to see me crying
how weak i was of my feelings
so i quickly whipped them off
my whole chest was so warm
full of love i couldn’t give at that moment
he’s everything i ever needed
April 2019 (update: he's now gone)
he convinced himself he
doesn't have a chance
he told his mind he doesn't care
but his subconsious has
his eyes looking for me
his body acts like he's not interested
but his face says it all
he event went for a stunt
similar to my looks
but he knows is not what he wished
that's what i tell myself
because there's something between us anyway . . .
10:45 a.m. 8/27/19
he looks at me as if
i were a precious jewl
he locks his eyes on me
when im not looking
he passes by as if he
couldn't see me
he is shy to do more
he is prideful
but his beautiful
they trap me & hold me
his curly, dark, fluffy
hair has my thoughts
wanting my hands to
play with it
his nice, bright, big smile
makes me want to kiss
him all day long . . .
2:15 p.m. 8/19/19