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Oct 2019 · 370
you
yogirlturkey Oct 2019
you
i insist to keep watching romance movies
turturing myself knowing i probably would never feel what the characters feel
that i will die without a caring lover.

how much i crave for love.
how much i need warmth.
safety & trust.

i want somebody to give my love to & not be used for.
somebody who understands me better than i do.
somebody who fills the love i should be giving to myself.

i insist to keep dreaming of you,
because you are the one i love the most.
you are the one i crave.

when we see eachother after long periods of time & we have a great time,
we always have that moment when we lock eyes
& i admire your beauty & you i can´t really say because i don´t know,

but i do know that sometimes you feel it too.
i know there´s a spark & you know it too,
but when are you going to stop denying it ?

i love you with all my heart,
& i can´t bare to know that you won´t stay in my life forever;
i will die of loneliness if you disappear from my life.
this is about a guy i will forever be in love with --> A.T.R.A
  -  1 0 / 2 9 / 1 9  -  2 : 4 4  p . m .
Oct 2019 · 186
sitting here, wondering
yogirlturkey Oct 2019
he stopped liking me
out of nowhere
and i´m sitting here wondering
why am i not good enough for anyone ?
is it because i´m dumb ? because you say that.
maybe i´m too crazy to handle ?
because i love too hard ?
please tell me
i really wanted you
i thought we could become something
i thought i would finally feel loved and comfortable at the same time
i guess not
am i not pretty enough to you ? because you complain how nobody in our city looks like the cute internet girl you watch on your phone.
maybe i´m just too boring, that could explain why you started ignoring me and stay stuck on your phone when were finally alone.
i thought you would be good for me
i thought you were different
but i guess
i´ll just sit here and wonder more ...
10 / 23 / 2019  -  1 0 : 3 5  a . m .
Oct 2019 · 118
how can you ?
yogirlturkey Oct 2019
how can  you with  someone who wants  to **** themselves  everytime they feel sad  or somebody  yells at them ?  how can you  be someone  who´s  scared of commitment ? how can you  be  with  someone with abandonment issues ? how can you be with someone that needs reasurement everyday or if not they think you no longer want them ? how can you be  with someone so emotional ? how can you  love  someone  who don´t even love  themselves ?  how can you be  with someone  so  emotionally  unstable  ?  how  can  you be  with  someone  who constantly  sabotages  themselves ?  how  can  you be  with someone so lazy ? how can you be with someone  who don´t see  beyond their  flaws ? how can you  be with  someone who has  bipolarity ? how  can you be  with  someone depressed ? how can you be with someone so negative ? how can you be with someone   who  settles  for  less ? how  can  you be  with  someone  that  takes everything   seriously ?   how   can   you   be   with   someone   so   sensitive ?
how could you be with me ?
1 0 / 0 7 / 1 9  -  6 : 3 6 p . m .
Oct 2019 · 107
mesmerize my beauty
yogirlturkey Oct 2019
let´s sit quietly
in rainy weather
in my dark room
on cold sheets
at late hours

locking our eyes
no touch
just admiring
eachother in the dark
with little light from the moon gazing through the window

fingertips slide on the covers
to my knees
& thighs
caressing my skin
hands on my hips
go for my face
& lean in for a kiss
hold.
mesmerize my hunger
for your lips
& you tell the rest . . .
9 / 2 9 / 1 9  -  8 : 0 7 p . m .
Sep 2019 · 112
what i needed
yogirlturkey Sep 2019
he was looking away so i took advantage just to look at him & admire
i could not take my eyes off of him
slowly my eyes started to tear up from happiness
the tears started running down
i was just so happy to have him
i couldn’t believe he was mine
it wouldn’t click in my head how happy i was
my happiness at that moment was unexpectedly overwhelming  
& to express that overwhelmingness
tears started running down my cheeks
i didn’t want him to see me crying
how weak i was of my feelings
so i quickly whipped them off
my whole chest was so warm
full of love i couldn’t give at that moment
he’s everything i ever needed
April 2019 (update: he's now gone)
Sep 2019 · 124
wishes
yogirlturkey Sep 2019
he convinced himself he
doesn't have a chance
he told his mind he doesn't care
but his subconsious has
his eyes looking for me
his body acts like he's not interested
but his face says it all
he event went for a stunt
similar to my looks
but he knows is not what he wished
that's what i tell myself
because there's something between us anyway . . .
10:45 a.m.    8/27/19
Sep 2019 · 149
stares & wants
yogirlturkey Sep 2019
he looks at me as if
i were a precious jewl
he locks his eyes on me
when im not looking
mesmerizing
he passes by as if he
couldn't see me
he is shy to do more
than wave
he is prideful
but his beautiful
sparkly eyes
they trap me & hold me
his curly, dark, fluffy
hair has my thoughts
wanting my hands to
play with it
his nice, bright, big smile
makes me want to kiss
him all day long . . .
2:15 p.m.  8/19/19
Sep 2019 · 126
waiting
yogirlturkey Sep 2019
why is he like this ?
is he confused ?
does he feel it too ?
or am i just a simple dreamer ?
but let me tell you why i keep dreaming . . .
his body language and words are told to lie
but his eyes & smiles
have all the information i need
-
i tend to get what i want
therefore i will get you
i will make you want me;
your eyes speak much more than your mouth can express
my new goal
May 2019 · 259
stayed
yogirlturkey May 2019
he sat there
listening
me, stressed & sad
he could’ve easily said “i’ll leave so you guys can talk in private”
but instead
he sat there
& listened
i was so ashamed when i started to cry
so i covered my face
i was ashamed that he had to hear the truth about me from her
it hurt
but i’m glad he did
i left to continue the conversation w my dad
i was scared that he would leave because i would take too long
but he stayed
& stayed by my side for the rest of the night
3-3-19 / 1:00 a.m.
(update: the same guy who stayed, left without even looking back)
May 2019 · 131
my true love
yogirlturkey May 2019
i finally found someone
someone real
someone who cares
someone who respects
someone who loves deeply
someone who worries
someone who appreciates
someone who notices
i am overwhelmingly happy
at peace & proud
i love him truly
though he doesn’t know how much
he believes he does but he has no idea
i melt at his touch
& cry at his words
an exquisite taste from his lips
& his needed warmth
i find my peace deeply in his eyes
& his presence keeps me calm
everyday a smile on my face because i know he loves me
i can’t get enough but for now he’s more than enough
5-2-19 / 1:09 a.m
(update: he's now gone)
Feb 2019 · 180
story of my life.
yogirlturkey Feb 2019
i can't do anything right.
i always sabotage myself.
ALWAYS
it's the little things, you know ?
the little decisions & mistakes i make are the ones that keep me in this state of mind.
my day is good for 1 hour, max overall daily, the other 23 hours are ****.
i HATE feeling this way but my ******* consists of making these actions that lead me to the worst.
i keep messing up this one great thing in my life at the moment with these little stupid decisions i make.
i need out, i don't want to live here no more,
but i don't know where to go.
just keep hitting me & pulling my hair.
don't stop.
the more you hit me, the better i feel after, honestly.
i'm serious, every hit hurts less & less,
so just keep going until you tire yourself out.
i already know i'm not good enough, ungrateful, selfish, & also not worth,
so just keep going until you can't no more.
then the next morning you'll come to me, & i'll try to look at you back
but my eyes will be halfway closed because
they're so puffy from all the crying from last night,
you'll apologize & tell me i can't do this anymore
but you know i'll do the same because
i don't know what else to do,
you'll hug me & tell me
that you love me very much,
i'll cry one more tear,
you'll look at me one more time & leave the room.
the rest of the week you'll be really nice & lovely &
by the next week the 2-hour arguments & fights will start again & we just keep going in circles.
2-18-19 / 6:38 p.m.
yogirlturkey Feb 2019
I've come to the realization that I'm not good enough for anyone,
& that everything that's good in my life I end up ******* it up.
What's the point of trying if I'll still feel like **** after ?
Honestly, I can't do it but somehow I end up being here the next day, though I don't want to be here.
Nothing ever good in my life stays, so I just want to give up & stop trying, but I want to be happy though I can't seem to get there.
I just feel like **** all the time, & I'm always clueless.
I need a timeout from everyone & everything; start from zero, but I can't just ignore the past, though I wish that was a possibility.
Everything good ends up leaving me, but why ?! I need these people, but instead they leave, but not because they want to, it's because they have to, & it fucken *****, because it hurts like a *****.
I'm trying to be a better me, but it's too hard with all these people judging.
A scenario of me taking a bunch of pills & going to the hospital just went through my head, & honestly, in this moment I could care less.
2-11-19 / 6:31 p.m.
Feb 2019 · 120
one day, soon . . .
yogirlturkey Feb 2019
Start with something simple
a time when you were
as far from mastery of that skill
you had to learn to
control the movements
of your hands,
somehow get them to move where you wanted them to,
you had your body make no mistake about it
& we haven't yet considered the matter of language.
Feb 2019 · 102
Love is a gift
yogirlturkey Feb 2019
Love will never leave us,
is something god gave to us as a gift,
even though it usually harms us
Feb 2019 · 90
24/7
yogirlturkey Feb 2019
My mind can't take all the ******* no more
My heart can't take all the pain
My lungs can't take all the sobs in the air
My head can't take the pain from my problems
I wish and Advil would make them go away.
Feb 2019 · 238
2-6-19 / 12:49 p.m.
yogirlturkey Feb 2019
I just want to cry & let all my feelings out, but I think if I start crying I won't be able to stop.
Times are rough, & I know they'll get better eventually, but when would that be ?
Sometimes I just want to leave this place, but I don't want to leave no one behind.
I'm lost & confused most of the time.
This weight I carry, I can't take no more, It's too heavy & it keeps going up & down.
I need to escape, but where would I go ? Would I come back ?
I don't know how to feel towards anyone or anything.
I want to go back to my childhood but yet I never had one.
No one can hurt me no more, I just move on.
Sometimes I don't even have feelings & that scares me.
I'm scared of getting attached to people because I know they'll leave no matter our history.
I want to be myself, but I'm scared to.
I work on myself but I always end up where I started.
Some people tell me I'm strong, but they don't see the behind the scenes.
I feel bad for myself too much & I hate it, but there's nothing else to do but cry about it.
I have scars from the pain & they're visible.
I always end up spilling my heart out to the wrong people.
But I want to tell "EVERYTHING" to that one person, & see if they'll stay after.
I want to cry my eyes, heart, mind & soul out so I won't have to cry or hurt no more.
Sep 2018 · 161
broken hearts
yogirlturkey Sep 2018
waterfalls fall from from the river into the rocks
just like i fell into you
beautiful girls fall from the last guy/girl into the new one
and
sadly some fall in love at the fall
and
drown as we've gotten heartbroken...
Sep 2018 · 164
afraid to love
yogirlturkey Sep 2018
i'm afraid you won't be able to hold it,
my problems
my tears
my insecurities
my words
my heart
my mind
i'm afraid i will break you...
Sep 2018 · 1.6k
Daddy issues
yogirlturkey Sep 2018
it felt like my heart and soul were right next to each other
falling out of my chest slowly
painfully...
it hurt more than it ever did out of just realizations
i couldn't walk
i felt like throwing myself on the wood floor of the entrance of my new home
it felt like there was a black hole inside me
literally...
"come on open your present"
i don't answer because of the ******' pain
i throw myself on my bed and keep crying and crying...
"hey, open your gift!"
i don't bother to answer just to see if she'll come and comfort me
i left my door open on purpose
"hey, do you want to open your gift?" she sees me crying and sighs
she lays down next to me, hugs me and sighs once again
me?
i'm still crying and i don't really know the reason why yet
"what did he say to you that made you cry this hard?"
i cry harder and i can barely breathe
i stop just to answer
i think twice before saying what 'i want' to say, but i don't care at this point
i should be able to express myself 'exactly' how i feel it, so then i say...
"he's just a ******' *******"
this isn't really a poem but i wanted to put it out there, i hope you can feel it with just my words and explanation. :)
Jan 2018 · 187
one of my wishes
yogirlturkey Jan 2018
Alone.
Together.

Dark at night.
Blinding darkness.

Only the stars as our lights.

Going beyond our limits.

Let's give up the silence with
our kisses and hard breathing.

— The End —