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soliana Mar 2018
you always told me
you gave me no reason
to want to die
but the truth was
you gave me all the reasons
but i told myself
more often than not
that there wasnt
so i tricked myself
that dying was not the answer
but it always was
it wsa the answer that screamed
to me
whenever i felt unworthy
whenever i felt hopeless
so when i felt numb
it became an echo
a whisper that
i followed as i
jump from the topmost building
and the only thing left
for me to hear
was my mouth screaming for help
or rather
your name as you watch me fall.
7:58 PM 3/11/18
soliana Mar 2018
i wasnt happy
because i wanted to
i was happy
because i had to
and i didnt want that
and thats what
made me insane.
- how depression creeps in
9:45 PM 3/11/2018
  Mar 2018 soliana
Miseria
Truth lies beneath your warm smile
that as time passed by
you've learned that in order to survive
you have to suffocate yourself with lies
telling you are loved
you are cared
you are blinded by hallucinations
you went to a place you called paradise
and filter your pain with i'm alright
in reality you are long dead
your soul is broken into pieces and shattered on the floor
bathe in your own tears
you wanted to tell the truth
you wanted not to hide
you wanted to tell them that you are suffering from anxiety, loneliness every night
that as she shut the door and said  Sleep tight
you took a blade and slits your beautiful skin and rest with tears in your eyes
you tried to hide your wounds with a smile and telling everybody you're fine
  Mar 2018 soliana
Lizzie
She sits alone in her room,
Listening to the sound of raindrops pounding on the window,
Demanding to be let in.
She cries in silence, for the pain she bares is too much,
She laughs with friends, flirts, jokes, alive with joy,
But in the end it's when she's all alone..
She chokes..
The crushing weight of dread, loneliness, and sorrow stab at her chest..
She wonders, when can she rest…
The voices are upon arrival, telling her there's no survival;
She pulls herself closer to hide the demons within..
But how can you drown them if they know how to swim?
‘Dunk them under’, they say, ‘smother them’;
‘How can I do that’ , she asks, ‘If they are inside me?’
As the rain pours louder, her heart shatters like glass,
The sharp edges cutting fast,
She asks herself,’How much longer can I last?’
As she takes the final slash
soliana Mar 2018
I wanted to scream
till my lungs needed air
till my throat ached
till my tears blurred my vision
just to see
if the sound was louder
i'll see you
come back to me.
11:50 PM 11/8/17
soliana Mar 2018
Maybe I wasn't worth the wait
Maybe I wasn't worth the time and space
Maybe I wasn't worth anything at all
Because when I told you to stay with me
You simply said you couldn't
I smiled and for one last time
and maybe I wasn't going to see it again
the sincerity in your eyes
As you turned your back
and closed the door
with the same hands that
held
my broken heart.
11:47 PM 11/8/17
- you said sorry and knew it was yours to begin with.
soliana Mar 2018
when i met you
i thought about
you and how you
have become my
soulmate.

but every night
as the hypnotic feeling
kicks in
i thought about the time
i met you
and remembered i said,
"i'm going to fall in love
with you."

yet, i never thought
that i was going to
meet my soulmate
or love my soulmate
and my soulmate
was pain.
5:35 PM 1/30/18
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