i want to write about you
but i think it might be too soon

i am stopped on the cracked cement
next to a small but necessary park
in the middle of it all

there are hundreds of thousands of windows
shut tightly to keep the cool air in

the only chickens for miles
are being served up on plates
between college roommates
and lovers who find the city
more romantic than any
vague resemblance of a kiss
exchanged quickly on a narrow step
  
but still, i carry around my wicker basket
packed with old egg cartons
and carefully folded tea towels

i memorize the feeling of tired eyes that won’t look away
of how warm it is inside my bedroom with the door closed
tracing your outline in the dark

until the soft orange light of morning
paints every shadowy corner

until i have found myself feral
deep in a dark blue thicket
somewhere between you and the trees

I’m not good at writing what i feel

because it’s hard to choose words that would describe

such a feeling that’s much more than just that word



i’m not good at drawing to show what’s in my head, either

because if i did draw to release my mind,

all you’ll see is a bunch of ugly tangled lines that wouldn’t make sense

i mean, it’s a mess in there



neither am i good at singing, dancing, acting, or anything else

honestly because i’m a loser who has passion for nothing



but i’m pretty sure you’re the perfect way

to pour my whole ******* soul

and everything I am into



and i’m sorry if this offends you

because you may find it insulting

that I want to use you as my stress ball



it’s just that

maybe i don’t want

to be good at writing

or drawing

or singing

maybe i want you to be all that i pour myself to

because you’re so ******* special and amazing

you deserve all the ‘worked-******* this, stayed up late last night’ things

and the last piece of pizza and the best coffee in the world

and that expensive first-edition leather-bound book

and everything

everything



i want you to have every ******* thing i can offer

every good thing left in me

because i swear

i’m turning bad

and i don’t want you to leave



maybe

i want to give you my heart

it’s yours

take it

it’s yours



i don’t want you to leave

And so I fall asleep
waiting for our paths to cross
and us to find each other
because it’s been quite awhile
and it seems that you’re lost
or maybe
you took another way
and found someone else,
not knowing that
I am waiting
waiting for you
to wake me
with that kiss
that will fix me
and lift me up
and you’ll take me
away from my misery

You see me as I am,
not more
but maybe
less.

Time passes by
and I realize that
we will always be strangers
no matter what
and it's quite sad
how I swore it would last
but nothing ever lasts

with me

The first time I saw you,
you were smiling
and I was smiling too
and we were happy

But as the days pass by
you've become so distant
like you were never even happy
and it's like I wasn't ever happy too