a lot of things can happen in 5 minutes.


5



‘where is he?’
in his room!
with his cat
his beloved cat

that cat that only hears him
and he only hears her
like notes playing continuously


4


‘where is he?’
in the garden
among the blossoms
his beloved blossoms

looking up
at the clouds
and looking down
at his flower crowns


3


‘where are you?’
up the tree!
the tree’s leaves look more green here
your beloved leaves

watching the birds
picking up their feathers
taking away their piece of freedom
away piece of their wisdom


2


‘where are you?’
walking on the street
smells smoky
you don’t like it here

kicking lost rocks,
you look at the horizon
now you remember
that you don’t want the life
you don’t want the cat
you don’t want the garden
you don’t want the tree
or the birds


1
‘where am i?’
looking down.
at the rushing water below the bridge
is this really necessary?

it is.
i know it is.
i cant find my feet touching the bridge
im flying now
maybe for a moment
im the bird



oh god, let me be the bird.

fruit bat
dont let them confuse you
with your brother
vampire bat
that blood *******
winged demon

fruit bat
your wings are yours

i feel wires in my lungs
they dont let me breathe

i feel wires in my throat
they dont let me speak


‘IVAN’
the pill bottle has my name on it!!
that’s fun
they’ll fix me, right mom?

take one
take two
take three
..come on, take one more

mom, i feel dizzy!
should i take one more to ease it?

‘I wish to see the snow’
i said, little 6 year old,
never in my life have I seen real snow—

the only snow I knew
was the artificial kind,
cold like winter's breath,
but somehow wrong, you get me?

they told me it’s the same,
white dust, falling in clumps,
but where was the silence?
the weight of a season
pressed soft upon the world?

so i tried to find it my own
something the same,
like her.

but the silence was not the same
it was cold.
and it was now that I felt that snow
the one that gave me frostbites

‘silly! get back to reality!’

she plays her guitar
each note sending me a color
each note sending me a picture
a picture that she holds in her mind

its beautiful
never seen such grace
shes quiet,
only strumming the chords

after she ends, i only look at her
my gaze lovestruck.
and oh, she knows that

she knows shes worth it
but she cant put it on her head.
she sighs.
‘im starting over’

‘goodnight, mom, i love you’







click.






dark.
im afraid of the dark


hug my teddy
he says its okay


big, small,
big small..
the shadows
im afraid of the shadows

where i was born
i was raised to believe
in the higher power
in the divine power
‘reza pro papai do céu!’

where i was born
i was raised to love someone
upon anyone
‘ame a Deus acima de todas as coisas’

when i grew
a little bit,
a little too much in mind
so much that mom forced me
to pray to a power
i dont even believe in

yells
just yells
no, mom!
that way i won’t even listen to myself!

—perhaps that’s what it’s all about.