We spend so much time editing ourselves,
correcting every little thing that displeases.
Even my poetry is revisited,
trying to pretty up all my diseases.
But I no longer want to appear "neat" or "tidy".
I want to show the world all the things I am hiding...
It is difficult to do the right things,
some times I would rather sin,
but then I remember
Who gave me new life again.
I lay in my bed too long when I wake,
trying to read my bible,
but like the disciples
I fall asleep...
I am too ******* myself, thinking I need to be perfect.
Other times I don't try hard enough,
out of fear that it isn't worth it.
I struggle to forgive, others and myself.
I struggle to realize only I can choose to not live
in hell
I want to restore relationships, but sometimes I fear it
hurts too much.
I am working on remembering
Who is my source of love.
My biggest admission, is that I try to control.
I want to tell God how to write the story,
thinking my words are some how better or more bold.
When in reality He is author of every single thing.
I am reminding myself I am lucky to even be written
into a single page.
the truth.