Feelings passed and hours are gone.
Distracted by these demons
Of right and wrong.
Anxiety now at its prime
Id wince and cry
Or count the hours to the time I'd die.
Alone I feel, within this space.
Slicing my arms in disgrace.
Her face still stuck in my mind.
Her eyes, her hair, her lips which I find...
So tempting.
But I am only wasting my breath.
Shaking hands with ideas of death.
Hoping this pathetic pain will subside.
Till then this heartache is by my side.

Sorrows casted through and through
Beneath the shadows of the true
Does human kind wonder in despair?
Or do we simply just breath in this toxic air?
I pick the choices which i have known
Ones I dare to say I own.
And when the heart begin to fall
I have no choice but to crawl

Shes smiling there, admist the crowd
Arms open, feeling proud
Before I get to share a kiss
Shes without a trace, forever missed
Random thoughts and words expressed
A fools dream or wishes at best
One would probably have never cared or guessed
That its after 4am and im so depressed.

Its alot to take in.

The thoughts that overwhelm you.
The pain in your chest.
The tight knots in your heart.

You want to cry
But you're too numb.
Too tired.
You want to die.
But you're too scared.
Too hopeful.

It replays in your mind.
The what-ifs. They are infinite
They send you into oblivion.

Shes smiling.
Shes crying.
Shes angry.
Shes twirling her hair.
Holding her arm.
Biting her lip.
Watching Tv.
Playing a video game.
Crying herself to sleep.
Talking to the one she adores.

And you will never be hers.
Then like a truck, it hits you.
You will always be alone.

Missing a ghost never to be.

My demons haven't been kind to me again.
They wake me up after 5am
And play me the fool.
I can see you kissing another man.
And my heart rips in two.
Because I wasn't good enough.

And I end up crying myself to tears.
For stupid reasons I can't control.
Only because I am vulnerable.
I just feel that I've pushed you away.
With my clingy ways and fears.
I just loved the days
We spent together.
Is that a crime?
I dont want it to go away.
Please dont go astray....

Am i being obsessed?
Or do I care so much
That im losing my ******* mind.
Are these feelings valid?
Or am I kidding myself.
And killing time with sorrow.
I guess some things never change.
Them before me. Her before me.
Whatever makes their day.
Im probably better off alone.
"Love yourself" they always say.
Love yourself, fight another day.

And I end up crying myself to tears.
For stupid reasons I can't control.
Only because I am vulnerable.
I just feel that I've pushed you away.
With my clingy ways and fears.
I just loved the days
We spent together.
Is that a crime?
I dont want it to go away.
Please dont go astray....

I love you.
Please...
Dont go astray....

I wish I was Stronger.
Handsome.
Attractive.

Instead of this whiney
Hopeless
*******.

Its been too long.
Too long since I've felt this...
This feeling in my chest.
In my heart no doubt.
A desire. A crave.
To be with her again.

It was only  a day.
It was only a day!
This feeling now bleeds
and burns within me.
The silence is years of torture.
My fingers ache to communicate...
But I must retrain myself....


Am I insane?
Am I sick?
Perhaps...

But thing that is certain.
I want to see her again.
I want to hear her laugh.
Her smile, her presence.

Its been too long...

You tell me to go.
To leave you behind.
But lust dances with my soul
To that I find
That my heart is a mess
Juggling love and rage at best.
Finding the right words to confess
My lowly state of mind.

She sleeps soundly.
Soft moans from fatigue.
And I lay here wondering what becomes of me.
Do I continue to despair?
Or go on without a care?
The heart has limits; that I know.
Even so, you tell me to go.

To leave you behind.

Darkness, take me.

If you dont want to talk to me anymore Then just...
Tell me.

I mean I know we just met and all
I'm new to all this,
But you can't just leave me
In the dark....

Cause I worry.
I lose sleep.
I care.

I dont know if I scared you off
Or weirded you out
Or said something rude or wrong.

I had a really great time Wednesday.
With you.
And for the first time in a while
With you, I didn't feel alone.

But if you don't want to talk to me anymore,

Just tell me.

Arms wraped around hers as we lay in bed.
Memories stirr within her head.
But i hold her and love her with all that i can.
Even each soft kiss and touch from my hand.
Infatuation? Lust? Dances in my soul.
Puzzle pieces hoping to become whole.
My mind screaming for answers while the feelings rush out.
The lips upon lips, which my mind burns at the thought.
I wince. I shout.
I hold her tight to tell her she is worth it.
That'll she'll make it. She is beautiful. And I love her for it.
I dare kiss her lips oh the thought burns!
My body winces.
Twists and turns.

And as i awake from my daydream into the darkness of my room.
I sigh and hold myself, to save myself from doom.
It is no surprise that this was a powerful work of art.
The feelings for you that dance in my heart...

"My eyes wake up to the sound.
Of your voice, so profound,
That it takes my breath away.
Little do I know and realize
That it is all in my head.
And that I am just awakening
From a lovesick state of fatigue.

I wanted to cry, but I shook it off.
I bare my fangs. Hide my fear
At the thought of her with another.
What place was I to ever think such a selfish thing?
To only give her comfort under the warmth of my arms.
To only kiss the lips id ache to kiss.
One who is hurting far worse then I.

So I lay in bed alone.
The darkness shrouds me like a blanket.
The music takes me away.
Holding back selfish tears that could follow.

And the thought of you in my arms,
My legs tangled with yours,
Cheek on cheek. Fingers together.
With a soft kiss letting you know
"You're beautiful.
You Matter.
You're Worth it."
Made me miss you more
And Love you even further....."

It was after 4am
And you were on my mind.

Burn I say. I scream.
As i cast myself aside.
Turning my back on my feelings
And such worthless sense of pride.
My feet shake the earth.
My hands bash bone.
Slaughtering them and all.
Skulls shattered on stone.
The blood paints the walls
The sky and the land.
And i do not stop
This rampage thats at hand...


And when i retire
Myself resting on the pile
Of everyone I knew
For the longest while..
I laugh till I cry
Tears stream from my eyes

Regreting nothing.

I woke up from her

With her blue eyes

And an open book,

I craved her from the beginning to the end.

But she was far from my reach.

Like the distance we share.

I woke up feeling despair

And a will to hold her in my arms.


Another day I’ll shall suffer

Believing such mediocrity.

For I am just an affectionate parasite,

With no hope of returned love.

Up on the moon
Where his whole life is engraved
Where he's wishing,
Hoping,
Thinking he'll be saved.

This poor pathetic soul
Who thought he was whole
But instead,
He was always empty.

He never really got it
He never quite will.
For his days
Are now at a stand still.

So  lets face it.
And lets discover.
Why this boy cant have a lover.
Lets look back.
And decide.
Why this man wanted to die.
For her

Up on the moon
Where his whole life
Is engraved.

It's feels so uncomfortable
When you witness a conversation
Digesting the fact he or she
Is confident in their ablities.

It makes me wish
I grew up the same way.

Hide me in a disguise.
Pull down the curtains
Turn off the lights.
Trying not to fight
The sands between my eyes.

Theres no way around it.
Theres no need to shout it.
I'm alone and thats about it.

Thats about it.

“Its who you are.”
The voice said to me
As I sat alone in bed.
My eyes gazed into the darkness
And my body was filled with dread.
It was a voice in my head
That lived with me
From my days filled with despair.
It whispers and shouts and snickers to me, saying:
"Nobody ******* Cares"
“It’s who you are.”
It says again.
I sigh and believe the words deep inside .
Because as kind as I am and try to be.
Darkness was always by my side.
I grin to myself.
I let it sink to my soul.
The horrid and most violent thoughts From the ******.
The man I once was
Soon became nothing.
In the end
That is who I am.

"Ignore her" he said.
It was how this society reacts
"When someone isn't of interest to you."
Ignore her. Yeah.
I know how it feels.
To be pushed away without a chance
Or led into the dark and abandoned.
And when I get the power to do so...
When a girl overwhelms me with love
And I just cant....

In the end its inevitable.
Someone will get hurt either way.
And im supposed to live with that?
Until I forget?
Until it happens again?

Wrap your head
Around the thought.

Let it sink in.
Let it tangle into knots and chaos.
Let your soul bleed for the knowledge
The understanding of it;
the heart can bleed oh so much.

Let it sink in.
Like fangs out for flesh and satisfaction.
Like lips rubbing on a cheek for comfort.
Or a knife causing destruction.

Only then with a sigh of relief.
The thoughts becomes clear.

You are you.
You are alone.

In my bed I lay
With tired eyes. With sorrowful eyes.
I stare into the black abyss.
My room is my prision.
A prision built
For the beast i claim to be.

In my bed I lay.
With a sad heart. A beating heart.
I bring out the thoughts of her.
She holds me tight, I hold her for life.
Tangled in each other with desire Naked yearning for love.

In my bed I lay.
A future so dark. A future shady.
It pangs my heart to no end.
Will i make it out alive?
Will the anxiety finish me tonight?
Will the loneliness swallow me whole?

In my bed I sigh
With young eyes, a heart beating,
And future in the making.
A love in my heart.
A desire that leaves my body shaking.

I feel so lost.
And yet i feel found.


Here
as I lay in my bed