loving you
was like having heart burn
on the wrong side of my chest
and doing my best to pretend
that still I felt nothing
in all of the places where
you once touched me

neck
collarbone
the backside of my knees

you destroyed me from the inside out
with such delicacy
that at times
I convinced myself it wasn't even
happening

loving you was a disease
that I wish
I could remember having

but now
I simply
feel
nothing

I sit all alone fearing conversation,
I know that if I talk the truth will come out,
my life isn't good, or great, or even okay,
when I go home tired from the day.
I go to my room and cry,
because I know that all my smiles are fake,
and that when my mom comes home I will receive a slap in the face,
she want ask how my day was, or ask my if  things are okay,
she want notice the cuts on wrists where five minutes earlier I  made more then one slash,
because my mom loves to drink more then loving her own kid

Birth is the beginning of life
5 is the beginning of long years in school
18 is the beginning of adulthood
21 is the beginning of a time of parties where you can drink
there are many more beginnings in life,
but the most treasured moment is when you realize that you just brought a beautiful baby into the world,
and you realize that from that moment on you most do what it takes to protect that bundle of joy.

911 what's your emergency*

I'm dying. There's blood everywhere.

Stay calm. Can you tell me where you are?

No I just need someone to know. I hope when this is over I'm going to be someone new.

Can you tell me where you are?

The cemetery. Don't bother sending anyone I'm already gone

-The line dies-

Paramedics arrive on the scene to find a rotting corpse as if its been there for weeks. The police investigate, but the truth is never found out. Or was it there from the beginning?

In time, you will walk on

my fingers will become stars
my lips, branches
my heart, brittle moss
you will go away from me gently

and grow upon this loss

A burst of flames, as if that would help.
I'm filled with anger, the worst I've ever felt.
I don't know how to control it, I don't know how to let it go.
Because every thought that comes by, loosing my life is all I know.

Flames coming through my eyes.
I'm worked up over my life of lies.
For now it's become too much for me to bare.
I'm filled up with rage, and I'm ready for it to burst into the air.

My thoughts are polluted.
Shame, anger, rage is included.
My minds wrecked with this pain.
Everyday it seems to be the same.

But now it's too much to handle.
It's too much to be tangible
So this answer is true.
To reach peace, taking my life is what I have to do.