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May 2022 · 211
Untitled
T Thomas May 2022
she was filled with poetry
destruction in her voice
but love in her words
she scared you
instead of turning towards you
she turned the mirror
forced to look at your reflection
you succumbed to weakness
May 2022 · 138
Untitled
T Thomas May 2022
glowing
she had a smile that was infectious
so you held in yours
it's like she made you feel bare
vulnerable
you hated it because you craved it even more
selfishly you asked,
"who am i to have you?"
while her light glowed
you dimmed yours
it wasn't a competition
but you wanted to win her
desperately,
you wanted to win her.
T Thomas May 2022
And our meeting was just a thrill I was meant to experience in order to become more real
The fuller version of me that I kept repressing finally combust and catapulted me in the right direction
To find a love that would accept me
And honor me
By showing up with respect and full authenticity
Transparency is not earned, it is a must and
Fated or not
Predetermined or not
No longer will I let Cupid’s arrow being shot take away what I was born with inherently
A love that I am deserving of and is my true destiny
Momentary desires are fleeting compared to a slow burning fire that nurtures and inspires
So maybe you were nothing more than a spontaneous flicker
That fizzled out once you realized my flame was indeed, much bigger
Sep 2021 · 362
Untitled
T Thomas Sep 2021
I’m losing myself

Maybe I haven’t worked on myself
Everything isn’t about me
I don’t know what I want
I feel lost
and I feel like no one understands me.

No one listens anymore,
and I can’t even hear myself.

I’ve fallen upon deaf ears.
And no one did it to me,

just myself.
Feb 2018 · 212
Untitled
T Thomas Feb 2018
I started writing again as a way to cope with the silence, constantly blaming myself with internal violence
Because it's me, and always will be
My vision is skewed
Maybe it's not you
It's just me,
And always will be

I wonder if the end's creeping up soon.
Feb 2018 · 190
No one's hear
T Thomas Feb 2018
Where's an outlet when you need it? Searching for power
Power in myself
In my words
Power to let go and finally disperse

I say
Mouth shut
Too damaged to work
Feb 2018 · 159
A horror story
T Thomas Feb 2018
Nowhere to turn, nowhere to run
No beginning nor from
Just forward
And only forward.
T Thomas Feb 2018
It's closing in
Holding back tears
My nose is running
The stuffed feeling in my head is returning
Burning
Ringing
Trapped in the shower
I can't stop screaming
At these weights
Intruding
Deluding
That's crushing
And crushing
My only safe space
Mar 2017 · 260
.
T Thomas Mar 2017
.
roaming through the desert of a foreign land
blood on my hands
armor made from the pieces of sand
bleeding out
unable to shout
there are no echos
or other lifeforms to hear my pleas
dying of thirst
i drop to knees

until behold

a shadowy figure looms over me
holding a canteen
smiling ferociously

unable to speak
desperation fills my eyes
eyes dried up not able to cry

no empathy
a statue of apathy
with a slow stare
you vanish right past me
Mar 2017 · 318
miss misunderstood
T Thomas Mar 2017
she was the kind of crazy people thought they liked
had a bit of a wild streak
not much of a filter
and didn't really distinguish who could get with her

at least
that what they thought was all to her

in reality
behind that beautifully masked facade

she was a fragile girl
going through the world
looking only for affection
with maybe just a hint of validation

her eyes dreamed for the world
thinking she was ready
going head first but never steady
not afraid of difficult feats
but quick to leave if her desires never meet

maybe she was fickle
loathed tediousness
and badgering of regrets
(also, the grossness of sweat)

but on the contrary
her patience was weary
and with the dullness of life
she was starting to lose her faith in faeries

maybe a bit scary

but you
you loved her
full and through
and there was nothing
you would not do
just to hear that goofy laugh
and see that dimpled grin

you finally came to terms with it,

your love for her was a blissful sin.
Mar 2017 · 230
beautifully masked
T Thomas Mar 2017
rose gold eyes
with a smile that hypnotized
and covered up her lies
will her beauty only be defined
by whats on the outside?

mentally sharp razor blades going across
her skin
where her demons begin
will the world ever notice her
for what's truly within?
Mar 2017 · 223
sweet poison
T Thomas Mar 2017
She was the girl who daydreamed
with stars in her eyes
love on the brain
walking through life
embracing the rain
rose petal cheeks
that you couldn't help
but slyly sneak a peek

She was the girl of your dreams
or so it seemed
cuddled in bed
lovestruck for dead
soft whispers
and faint snores
you fell in love
with this romantic folklore
despite the internal warning
there was this emotional warming
of frost bitten desires
that she easily
reignited with a sensual,
slow burning fire
Feb 2017 · 400
a nonconformist's plague
T Thomas Feb 2017
4 in morning
Street lights blinding
The sound of wind crying
The rain hits my face
Reminding me that life is calling
My minds stalling
Clinging to sleep
But my eyes won't follow
Day by day
This numbness settles
That my dreams may be nothing
At expense to this dense
Hollow plane
That we call reality
But feels like pain
What is there to gain
Through loss of perception
Of this seeming blessing
Every day is a lesson
To buck up
And not **** up
Tormenting my soul
My body's adjusting to the cold
Far reaching
To this land
Of far away desires
To my ultimate admires
Maybe there I'll be
An elegant flower
In spite of the weather
Finally having my **** together
What it feels like to go to college as a person with ADHD and lingering depression with a constant optimism ringing in your ear
Feb 2017 · 226
midnight flight
T Thomas Feb 2017
with tears streaming down my face
bathed in sorrow
i emerged from my sullen state
to a figure lending a hand
eyes swollen
but the aura was clear
felt like a familiar warmth
from a masked entity
wiped the streams
and invoked light beams
shining throughout me
wings expanding
i would finally fly
Feb 2017 · 218
Untitled
T Thomas Feb 2017
there has been so much death
around me
pain and suffering
happening all too quick
through that
i learned not to take the present
for granted
experiencing the feeling of
being alive
having emotions
loving something
while they're here
is truly a blessing
every day i have you
i will thank the universe
for keeping you safe
and allowing me to be in your world
even if it is just for a little while
longer
Feb 2017 · 217
Untitled
T Thomas Feb 2017
rolling with the punches
faint smiles
can barely look in your eyes
without losing my breath
im drowning inside my love
cant swim
panicking
lungs filling with the thought of you
eyesight blackening
reaching out
while standing at the lifeboat
through watery eyes
I watch you
turn your back
Feb 2017 · 216
angel
T Thomas Feb 2017
listening to the songs of your heart
holding back tears
welling behind my eyes
chest caving
can't think
im not breathing right

you take my breath away
and stick it in your box
where your feelings hide
closed off
sealed in
tucked tight

im too tired to fight
hold me
kiss me
miss me
come alive
and bring me back with you

i dont want to be a zombie
im begging
please
please
open the box
relinquish detrimental thoughts
im scared
im screaming
wake up
wake up
wake up

please, wake up
Feb 2017 · 519
Untitled
T Thomas Feb 2017
"Five minutes with you
made up for 2 months of
depression
10 minutes with you
gave me the hope i had
lost long ago
I dont know what five
hours gave me, but its a
burning passion inside
With you i dont know
right from wrong
Temptations consumed
me
Love guided it
Rage supported it
Sadness inspired it
My vessel tried to
explore your sea, but
the waves were too treacherous"

-Mal
Feb 2017 · 199
Untitled
T Thomas Feb 2017
"The days have been
passing as slow as a
turtle
But why is it every time
we draw near, eternity
feels like an instant
Entering your aura was
like remembering a
memory you cant fully
remember
You struggle to recall
but you know you're
imagining false images
The memories are
slightly gone
Make new ones
The tender touch of your
skin was like fluid to a
dying flame.
Spontaneous.
Magnificent. The only
flame i want to feel.
Half of me is bold, half of me is fragile
One eye showing
courage, one eye watered
When it comes to you, i
dont know which path i
should take"

-Mal
I love his poetry so much...
Feb 2017 · 186
2.18
T Thomas Feb 2017
I'm prepared to wait for you
faces dull in comparison
to your love

I won't rush
instead
I'll trust the look
in your eyes
that exposes your lies

I'll smile and be happy
knowing that you're
growing
into an even
greater man

and I'll try my best
to cultivate enough love
to be a better version
of the woman
you first fell for
Feb 2017 · 203
confession
T Thomas Feb 2017
this may be long overdue
and my vision may be askew
but the way I feel with you
no matter the way I try to overthink it
my heart would never deceit

you're engraved in my mind
and overtime
the wind has still not eroded
the day you first made my heart explode
Feb 2017 · 189
only you
T Thomas Feb 2017
dull, gray faces
compared to your eyes
these things mean nothing
compared to how you make me feel

this may be a deal breaker
but I want to be your only love maker

look me in my eyes
and tell me you don't realize
that my heart beats for you
and that my feelings are true
though I have no right
I've had this fight for too long
and your smile is my favorite song
I'm love sprung

laugh at me
brush me off
even if my face turns hot
this feeling inside my heart
will not burn out

this isn't an apology
but instead an anthology
of past mistakes
I'd like to break and amend
with the admittance of my sins
and offering of everything
I have within
Feb 2017 · 248
the truth
T Thomas Feb 2017
Has hiding behind sarcasm
and vagueness
dismissiveness
become our coping methods?

These walls made from brick
are not as thick
as the passion in the air

It's not fair that time has to suffer
and continue on
because our minds
aren't strong enough
to match the resilience
of our hearts
Feb 2017 · 460
save me
T Thomas Feb 2017
Your gaze melts me
struggling to keep my composure
from the exposure
that I can't breathe
and that I
need you
just a little
closer
but I keep my distance
fighting insistence
on loving you
with my entire being
sacrificing my life line

just so you can leave me behind
Feb 2017 · 189
...
T Thomas Feb 2017
...
I want to stare into your eyes
where they are free from lies
I want you to see within me
where you can be free
I want to melt you in soft kisses
and heal the blisters left by clumsy others
Feb 2017 · 200
i miss you
T Thomas Feb 2017
time winds on
days bleed into each other
I fall asleep listening to your favorite song

lips locked together
the days are long

glowing faces
misty eyes
too far gone

running my fingers
along
your curly hair

my heart's bare
stinging in vulnerability
and fragility

paper thin
melting within

breathe life into me
set me free
Feb 2017 · 188
Untitled
T Thomas Feb 2017
when skies were blue
and the air was clean
near lofty trees
in the spring breeze
that's where I met you

short, but with
a very tall personality
demanding attention
but also reserved
with a demeanor unflinching

my eyes traveled
scoped you,
mysterious
I wanted to know your world
your apple in my hand
is what I behold
T Thomas Feb 2017
do you even miss me?

cloudy skies painting
hues of gray and blue shades
sleep escapes me
because all I see
all I see
is your same face
and favorite colors

what'd I do
what I'd do
just to see
that shy smile

maybe I'm
a bit foolish
and selfish
but while you were far
my mind wished
for you to be near

your heart's changed
I'm the one to blame
twisting and tearing
bent out of shape
I know you won't allow
but
I'll use these hands for good
next time

love and gentleness
caress

put my honesty
to the test
Feb 2017 · 212
the beginning
T Thomas Feb 2017
fleeting symphonies of you speaking to me
can't help but play on repeat
over and over
a dead track that lacks expression
how could it stir my depression
rewind back the tape of you kissing on the nape of my neck
oh so tenderly
treating me as if my body could break with such fragility
whisper inside me and tell me the story of how you fell in love
with cheesy lines of "it started way back before..."
before arguments were arguments that were settled with just a smile and a kiss
before I spoke to you
and was just a loner past due of a hug and friendship
sensual-ship
love making risks
"did I *** too fast?"
"was it too quick?"
before we made a secret code
and you were told
"hey she thinks you're cute"
when the awkward silences unfold
high school love that never expired
and something about that smile
could never make you tired
and if anything drove you wild
replaying on repeat
Feb 2017 · 199
Untitled
T Thomas Feb 2017
kissing your lips was like
taking a bite of
that forbidden passion fruit
that ****** us all
I saw my future call
but I couldn't answer
now that emptiness envelopes me
I wonder
if that
sweet
rebellion
would've set
me
free
Feb 2017 · 220
that night
T Thomas Feb 2017
lights dimmed
only our silhouettes shown
body to body
hand in hand
you lead the way to a foreign land
body heat radiating
ice cream melting
along with our clothes
your eyes held a gateway to your soul
I inched in little by bit
in the darkness held a familiarity so dear
I couldn't help but draw near
no trespassing
caution
forbidden
in the depths of your heart
I could live in
Feb 2017 · 386
for you, i'll wait
T Thomas Feb 2017
i want to grow old with you
own three kids
two twins
several cats
in a lovely country flat

i want to feel your body heat
each night
cuddled up
while holding each other tight

i want to cook breakfast with you
only in our underwear
dancing
singing
a sight that the kids would be too embarrassed to bear

i want to walk down the aisle
and see you at the end
dressed in your finest with that cute hidden smile
knowing that it was worth it to go the extra mile
Jan 2017 · 168
ulteriormotives
T Thomas Jan 2017
though i know what the future beholds
am i selfish for wanting to hold onto
this thought
this dream
that you're more
than what your words
and actions
appear to seem?
Jan 2017 · 130
Untitled
T Thomas Jan 2017
"can my love be enough?"
the young woman asked within
with a sigh
the universe replied,
"not always will you win."
T Thomas Dec 2016
life is weird. life is lonely. we have all these people that love us. we all have friends and family, but somehow life still ends up feeling lonely for each of us. i believe that we'll always feel that way, but life really isn't terrible. feelings and emotions can muster into things you never expected. they can take a shapeless form. not to be fake deep, but feelings propel and restrain. feelings rustle, feelings harbor inside and out. with me knowing that, it's hard to stay upset. i'm not necessarily happy, i'm **** ******* lonely. but i can only hope that there's things like internal success and interaction that can make me feel full for a bit. i wanna be something for people. i wanna be what i want to be in this world and more, while i'm here. from the moon to the stars, i wish to be tranquil, happy, loving and loved.
Sep 2016 · 212
untitled 6:10
T Thomas Sep 2016
*******
rubbing
i love that good loving
that *******
**** me down n release urself
until i start choking
vibrating
fit me like a glove
tell me what u love
about my
sweet
pink matter
that u say taste like cake batter
thrusting
lusting
ive finally become accustomed
to begging on my knees
for ur *******
with affection
i want u, daddy,
to teach me a lesson
Jan 2016 · 393
for you
T Thomas Jan 2016
Simple arguments
Pouty lips
Im a constant headache
With relief in between
But looking at your smile
Cant help but make
My fragile lil heart
Sing

Although its not evident
Im glad to be your Queen
Jan 2016 · 239
strangled by dreams
T Thomas Jan 2016
frostbitten finger tips
anchoring me down to this useless town
but this plaguing feeling of emptiness cant even hold me down
words that wont surface are buried underneath
im scared as to who my next victim might be
maybe I'll be docile and quiet as usually
but this lingering yearning
wont shake me free
i want to be more
for the whole world to see
but will anyone ever notice my pleas?
Jan 2016 · 208
Untitled
T Thomas Jan 2016
im not drowning
and thats the scary part
im floating admist my sorrows
fears
dreams
realities
i have the key to fix things
but there's always a catch
isnt it?
Jan 2016 · 444
growing up
T Thomas Jan 2016
cigarette smoke and black n milds
im tired of things that dont matter to me
from a dystopian family
to my unfulfilled being
im sick of things swallowing me
the wind blows and the trees rattle
no stars tonight
but when will i be free
manipulation and guilt
im trapped in walls of 3
family
careers
and who i want to be
Jan 2016 · 235
A bad song
T Thomas Jan 2016
Chilly winters
where your frozen fingertips feel like splinters
across my gentle skin

do you even care?

That im here wasting away
your smile plagues me
my words begin to sound like a sad melody

do you even care?
do you even care?

These cigarettes are making me lightheaded
the bed doesnt feel the same
Your laugh is all that plays

repeatedly,
repeatedly,

These sad songs dont suit me
but you're entrusted in my memory
saved
but unwillingly
I'll sing sweet songs and drink till
Im smiling endlessly

repeatedly
repeatedly
Jan 2016 · 234
word vomit
T Thomas Jan 2016
Around hundreds of faces
surrounded, breathless
continuously drowing in plain sight
how can anyone feel this alone?
Its a mystery
with easily accessible friendships
but my fingertips dont match
going through my day's briskly
barely taking in the scenery
clinging to my only escape,
sleep.
Measly laughter
repetitive chatter
when will I be fulfilled?
Wasting away in this hollow density
daydreaming of leaving the city
Im waiting for my breakthrough
slowly
slowly
slowly
Let my destiny come to me
I'm waiting,
impatiently,
I'm waiting
Jan 2016 · 265
Im writing (again)
T Thomas Jan 2016
I picked up the pen
and paper again
Only where will my
journey begin?
Fluttering hearts
frozen with chills
trying to defrost with
nothing but beer.
Feb 2015 · 719
Untitled
T Thomas Feb 2015
Maybe those secret nights of us tangled together in bed
and feeling like cozy newlyweds
will soon fade to you
But in the book of my mind
where you are inscribed
those memories will last
my entire lifetime
Feb 2015 · 256
winter thoughts
T Thomas Feb 2015
As the cold winter breeze harshly hits my face
I think till I'm numb
Then curse myself
for ever letting you slip away
Jan 2015 · 287
Note to self:
T Thomas Jan 2015
Wipe those tears away
and fix your face
Clean the blood
thats dripping down
your arms

You're going to be wearing long sleeves for a while.

God forbid these scars are seen
or right back to the mental hopsital
you go
Jan 2015 · 281
That night
T Thomas Jan 2015
The word pathetic
         Lingers in my mind
                         like a bad song

I should've stood in the freeway
That night you drove me home

         I'm worthless ****
To think
  that you would think more of me
               Than just a fun time
While you were ******* around
              I was losing my mind
The words you didn't say
              Said more than what you didnt

And when you gave up
         And drove off
             Leaving me in the street
I knew
I was better off
*Dead
Jan 2015 · 315
Repeat
T Thomas Jan 2015
loud music
drowning out soft cries

desperate eyes.. tired eyes..
I've given up everything eyes..
they look even darker than usual

"Do you sleep at all?"
"You look tired."

razors everywhere
engraved loneliness
dripping blood

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

take three pills
I wish I had alcohol

"Stop the sad faces, smile more :)"
Jan 2015 · 266
Untitled
T Thomas Jan 2015
Days of the week start to frustrate me,
and overwhelms my anxiety

Tears no longer have any meaning,
and that's why none are shed

The only time I'm truly free
is when I'm asleep dreaming
which is why I've taken an attachment to my bed

The razor in my drawer going across my wrist sounds all too pleasing
but how can I live if I'm dead?
I dont make sense
Im just really tired
Jan 2015 · 317
dead
T Thomas Jan 2015
Its 2:30 am
and
here I am blowing cigarette smoke
into the wind
While sitting under the cloudy skies
I desperately wish to dissolve
into the night
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