Eager I, shall soon place myself
beside you this night...
Knowing your warmth
will summon the light of better days.

At that winter smiles in the North
and melts into mist
and returns a few weeks later
with soft snow flakes from the sky,
on an April afternoon
the same day the sun wore
her yellow raiment
and the grass put on her green dress
in preparation for spring.
The trees know better
and wisely kept their leaves tucked
up in their buds and sleep still,
warmed by the hardened shell of their skin.
We learn it is better to wait, to plant our seeds
–instead of letting their promises freeze
like our uncovered fingers and toes
during the false fade of winter.
So the sandals are put away,
and the scarves, gloves, and fleeces
come out of storage.
It feels cold now, but you smile
because you remember that
you are still warmer than the days
that turned your fingers blue with ache
and turned your breath into mist.
They say there is a season for all things,
and now growing things lie still,
except for you.
So, you wait
and grow more patient.

there’s a tiny bit of pleasure behind all of it
maybe I enjoy roaming these streets alone, picking myself up, all by myself
and maybe sometimes it ***** me up the fact that no one dares to come close and whoever takes the chances ends up being rejected and shut out  
what is it with me? why can’t I open up to you the same way you do why can’t I let it all out
I don’t want to be next, I watched you and the people you love the most drift apart and I just don’t want to be next. I don’t want to open my heart and let my soul attach itself to yours just so you could leave me shattered later on. six months later I can see myself ******* things up again
because I can’t help it, I can’t stop thinking
I can’t express my inner thoughts and emotions without being misunderstood but you, you fix me
you inspire me, you make me want to spend the rest of my life behind you, watching over you, making sure you’re safe and sound
you make me want to be a better person for you, the greatest friend anyone could ever have the privilege of encountering
I wish I was enough I wish I wasn’t so ****** up
but if we’re both as ****** up as we claim could we master the art of perfection? could we fill up each other with what we’ve got left? am I wrong for believing in you? for seeing things in you no one else can
or am i just another passing memory of yours?
teach me what I am to you for I must know how much to expect from you
I don’t want to expect anything from you
I don’t want you to know that you’re capable of letting me down because you’re by far the only thing I thought I needed and even if you take me by my arm and throw me across the Atlantic ocean you’d still be my favorite
best I ever had

Nebulous percolations
ideal futures fly by
pretentious is the venom you hate
but its the only thing you spew
late nights spent roiling in the thin cages
that you still throw over yourself
void like monsters
that you spawned
taunt you as you drift away
all it takes is a new start
but you are always running away from those
what's worse
the unknown future
or the tolerable present
hell isn't as hot as they say
and the future isn't as scary as you think
but you're in a trance like laziness
to keep everything exactly the same
and make sure what you think will happen
even if you don't want it too
will happen
because only fools dare to dream
that they are better than they are

you might be repressed if
the universe tells you to
buy hi-vibe crystalline
heal, align, energize
and rock her
holy alive

One day I will find you waiting
outside my drive one night
while my mind keeps on debating
keep you as my darkness or let you be my light

So as this merry go round goes round
and life goes by too fast
I wonder if ill ever hear that sound
of your voice calling me back from the past

How do I put aside the fiend
the monster within this skin
when society waits to judge
with their pitchforks stained with blood?

their voices scream so loud
from a thousand paper cuts
compliance asked by the norm
with erasure as their preference

who I am is disallowed
by the ones most alarmed
by existence on this earth
of a child with different thoughts

“it’s a phase, confusion’s reign”
I wonder at this refrain
when I’ve known for decade’s time
with passing privilege near at hand

those I respect fill me with fear
wondering how they’ll react
drop kind regard when they confront
to know the truth about the queer

the most strident will have their fear
could wreck my life, my happiness
as respect that used to be
is replaced by cruel intolerance

the only answer I have at hand
two in fact, the first is worse
is to hide, build up good will
and hope this forgives the fiend within.

© 2017. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20170423.