He took the drugs to ease his physical pain
He took the drugs to deal with all the strain
He took the drugs now it's in his brain
He took the drugs now he's stuck in the sick and twisted game

You'll find him there within his room
You'll find him there with the needle and the spoon
You'll find him there where the darkness looms
You'll find him there for the pain always resumes

I'm scared one day I'll find him there............that awful shade of blue

(poet's side note: worse fear realized August 16th 2016)

I sit and wail
As memories of you swell
Threating to bring down the wall
As I remember your final fall

You fell right through my out stretched arms
I could not save you from your demons harm
I could not bring you back to me
Now your memories is all I have to see

I was so angry you left me here all alone
This cut is deep, right to the bone
A wound that will never heal, never become just a scar
As you now dwell amongst the stars

Now I find, I turn my eyes to the midnight sky
The tears rolling quickly and quietly as I cry
I'm searching for something left by you
A shooting star, a comet, a clue
Just to let me know your okay, that you made it through

That would make it worth our final good bye
Maybe then my tears would subside
Maybe then they would turn to silent sighs
But the pain will always be with me that is true
For my dearest friend, I will forever miss you

Till we meet again on the other side
There's one thing that will never die
It is constant, it will always be the same
My love for you will always remain

In my deepest darkest night
I don't need words they're so contrite
I just need someone to brave this sight
Hold me so close and tight

The one who would,  seen his light
Grew his wings and took his flight
Flew so far, his out of sight
Left me all alone in the dark to fight

So I don't need your words, they only bite
Words can be so contrite
I need someone to hold me tight
While I wage my war and fight
But everyone is scared of the sight
Of a broken soul in the deepest darkest night

The sun blazes across the tops of the trees
The wind has changed into it's cool late breeze
The heat of the day receding with the sun
Another day is being put to rest,  it's done
Time to gather around the fire
The flames lick the coming night, the light soft expires

We watch the flames dance
Talk of romance
Of childhood memories
Of life's remedies
We reminisce of friends and loved ones now passed
Realizing how long it's been since we had them last
Speaking of how our children have grown
The blessing of them having kids of their own

It's funny how time silently slides past
Only in looking back can we see the shadows that it cast
Just as the fire does, till it burns down to embers
When my fire expires, will I be added to those they remember
As they sit around the fire and reminisce
About all the friends that they miss

We hug each other as we go
Because life is short,  that much we know
"Till we meet next time"
Is not ment for just this life, but the next in line
We hold them close in our hearts at all cost
For TRUE friends can never be lost

I want to lie down with you
I want to die too
I don't want to fight in this world without you by my side
I'll I can do is cry

I try to hold the agony within
So no one else can see, so it won't offend
So they won't worry, so they don't know
Just how badly with you I want to go

But tiny agonizing whimpers escape between my lips
I don't know how much longer I can  man this woeful ship
There is a hurricane in my ocean
Turbulent thoughts plunder my emotions

I can feel the sinking
I can not stop the thinking
(I should of left and followed you that same date)
(if I leave this earth now, can I catch you, or am I to late)

All I can do now is sing my woeful cry
Cuss at that unseen entity in the sky
My insides ******* in the tightest knots
Minds in a spin and so are my thoughts

Send me a message,  send me a sign
Let me in one of my note books find
Where you once wrote "love you ***"  
Should I pick up, or put down the gun
Your death was a shock unplanned
Does that mean I have to stay here and stand

Does that mean I can't intentionally follow
That I'll have to stay in this lonely abyss and wallow
You use to guide me back
When my world got to black
I was always there for you also
Now your death I must swallow

I'm feeling mighty hollow
I don't want to face an empty tomorrow
I know you're telling me to stay
But you was my light that lit my darkness and turned it gray
Now you went on without me, your so far away

My world now an ominous black
Weight of the world on my back
I want to lay it all down
Walk out into the woods and never be found

Crying tears of sorrow
Scared of what awaits me tomorrow

Crying tears of pain
Life will never ever be the same

Crying tears of sadness
Can't wrap my mind around this madness

Crying tears of anguish
You now speak the Angels language

Crying tears of the alone
Your death cut me to the bone

Crying tears of black
By my side I'll never have you back

Crying tears nonstop, Neverending
There is no way time can do it's mending
I'll meet you soon dear friend, even if it takes years
For I'll drown in the river of my own tears

Father Time is pushing me along
But I don't want to go on
For every step that I take
Every tick the clock makes
Takes the memories farther away
I fear for the day
When time does it's shading
To my memories it will do it's raiding

I don't want to forget your smell, or how your arms felt, when you hugged me tight
I don't want to forget your voice,  when you consoled me in the middle of the night
I don't want to forget your face,  or those beautiful blue eyes
I don't want to forget all you said that was wise

I'll hold on to those memories tight
As I stay here in this life and fight
But I know they will slip through my hand
Like the hourglass's sand
I know from experience time will take it's toll
The pictures and memories of you away from me will start to roll

But the pain of you being gone
Will stay with me my whole life long
It seems the only thing time does not take is the love and the sorrow
THAT,.... it let's linger on way into all of the tomorrow's

No kind of drug can help me escape this brutality
That is now my horrifying reality
There is no place I can hide or run
When life becomes the nightmare I want to wake from
My whole world has crumbled
Now desperately lost within the rubble

So thankful we always took the time to say "I love you"
Because before that branded day was through
The winds of change..... They blew

I found you, but you where already gone
Now I must learn how to say so long
You sprouted your wings and flew away
You left me here all alone to stay

I'm still in this earthly hell
This sorrowful anguish I can not quell
For how will I NOW ever vanquish the sorrow
For you are no longer in my tomorrows
How will I ever disburse the pain
That swells up my brain
For you took with you my love, my heart
Without those how do I even start

These tears that gush down my face are not for you dear friend
Nor are the wails of anguish that to the skys I send
For I know you are in a better place
I know your in a better space
Be it with your loved ones,  or in the veils darkness kept
It is for me these tears are wept

You took not only my reason to sing, ***, you where my song
Without you, how am I gonna stay strong
When everyday is at lest a week long
When I need you, there will be no loving arms
My life is now my nightmare, it's so ******* WRONG

Tidal waves of memories hit my minds shore
You where my heart,  you where my core
Now I'm lost, I'm adrift on this emotional sea
Because you are no longer here beside me
I can't seem to navigate it any more
Wishing with my might, it could be as it was before
Before you was called to a different plain
Nothing, no nothing remains the same
Your departure was way to sudden
The ground around me is now flooding
My tears won't stop, even when they don't show
Belive me inside they still flow

The sun no longer shines so bright
The moon hides it's face in the night
The stars refuse to twinkle
Wishing in time I could find that wrinkle
That I could ride back to you
Back before your spirit flew
Back before I knew this pain
Back before this ice cold rain
Back before the wave of your death ****** me under
Before my life was ripped apart and plundered

Tidal waves of memories hit my minds shore
Thing's will never be as they where before
Your presence will be no more
Your existence is but a vapor
A puff of smoke, that is gone to fast
Now only shadows of your memories are cast
Only seen by your loved ones eyes
As the tears start to rise

I will never forget that cold day in August
But this before was promised

Forever you will remain in my heart
Forever you will remain in my thoughts
Forever I will love you my soul united friend
Forever beyond this end

For we will meet again
When time bends

Lips so red
Corpse so blue
Lips whispers quite
Corpse remains silent
Lips cry in despair
Corpse doesn't care
Lips become still
Corpse welcomes her will