You don't have to be alone
To feel alone.
I still struggle with that
Despite how much I've grown.
I still have my friends,
My family, my fans.
But when I look down, all I see
are my empty hands.

"How are you today?"
"Honestly? Stuck. Frustrated.
Like I want to give up."
"Okay. What's making you feel that way?"
"It's been a long time coming.
I feel like I've tried so hard
To find happiness.
I'm trying to talk to people.
I'm doing things I love.
But no matter what I do,
I just feel empty. Alone."
"Most of the time, happiness
Is a watched ***; it won't happen
If you're trying to find it.
Same goes for love.
Let me ask you this.
What does happiness mean to you?"
"Uh...I don't know? Hakuna matata?
Being able to actually laugh.
Being able to breathe."
"And can you do that
If you spend all your energy
Trying to force that?"
"Okay. I get your point.
I'm trying too hard.
So what do I do?"
"Let happiness find you."

My day ******.  Walk down the street and flash smiles at familiar faces.  Deep down though you feel that its nothing.  People walking past, keeping up their appearance, never letting down their guard or letting people know their true self.  No one walks past really caring how your day went, what you are going through, or what is motivating you to keep going.  They walk past flash their fake smiles and keep on with their day because just like your day, their day ****** too.  It seems like we are on a hamster wheel never-ending, continuous, and just draining.  Each day we get on and wear ourselves out, for what?  Searching for answers, seeking purpose, guarding our emotions, and hiding our true selves.  Why can't we just open up?  Why not just let loose and just say whatever, who cares, eff it, because in the end does it really matter?  Do the small talk and the fake smiles really make a difference for other people in our lives? Or are we putting on appearances that are unnecessary and relentless and simply just exhausting? We must make other people's days while our days ****, day in and day out.  We don't need a world full of Oscar the Grouches, but why can't we just try to be real and find true human connection.  The more we seek this, the less happy we all become, so why not just stop acting and start being real, so you can help other people realize that their is possibly a light at the end of their tunnel, just like their could be for you.  Who knows, your sucky day could just be the start of something great, or not...but you won't know until you push through and make it your journey, your adventure, your week, your day, or even just your little moment.  So when you think your life *****, know that issa mood. -ZZ

Here I lay, gazing at the ceiling,
doubting myself,
cringing deep within the pain & failure time has caused,
counting my pulses to break free from the torment,
shielding from the scorn towards life.

Skirmishing to sustain, tussling to see the light on the other side,
just another day, just another night,
screamed the fortitude within,
only for the qualm to ante-up the very next moment.

“I can’t think straight”, declared the mind,
“It hurts”, voiced the heart,
“We are tired”, blared the heart & mind in unison
It’s exhausting that every breath I take is burdened with tangled thoughts,
every attempt to make things better turns fraught.
Should I give up?
Should I put an end to the whole discord?
Will then everything be alright? asked the failed clout.

As the fight within grew tougher,
the tenacity to quash negativity became firmer.
As I crawl through each day to reconcile with my happiness,
my credulity to beat the beast within revived.

I know it isn’t going to be easy,
I know I don’t feel the warmth of a sound mind yet,
I know I don’t feel the shelter of a calm heart yet,
Nevertheless,
there’s a shining hope within that it’s going to be okay.
I am not alone,
I am good enough,
I am strong enough,
I am brave enough,
I am stubborn enough to not give up, not yet,
I can wait one more day, one more night,
start all over again, and again
until I can finally feel at ease to be real and not perfect.