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Ana S Apr 2018
Spiraling out of control.
Who was once someone special is now a crazy **** head.
Friend I never thought I'd love.
He came around and changed my world.
You'll be okay.
Slowly showed me a new reality away from her.
Scared to be treated right.
I don't know the feeling of right.
I only know what hands do at night.
The hands that touch me in places I'm afraid of.
The hands that hit me when I won't sit by the door.
The hands that cut my leg and left a scar.
So I'm scared to be loved right.
I know the feeling of screaming for her to get away.
I know the feeling of being held down as she does what she wants.
I know the feeling of being told I'm not enough.
For I'm not even capable of killing myself.
I know what she does.
I know what she's done.
***** by her friend.
Violated over and over again.
Drugged and abused.
Feeling lost and used.
He came around and carried me out of the dark.
His hands are gentle.
His heart is warm.
His touch is soft and loving.
He holds my broken peices and has glue in bulk.
Yes spinning out of control.
**** heads.
No brains.
He took my heart away.
Reveled infront of me.
He is all I see.
I love him.
He loves me.
The pain of my broken past.
The one that haunts.
No longer all I see.
For once there is more.
With him.
Ana S Feb 2017
I used to long for death.
Now I'm pleading it to stop.
Never appreciated life.
Now I can't get enough.
No forever is never promised.  
It can never be set in stone.
Lately my body has been deteriorating.
The only way to vent is here.
You see I have two lumps in my neck.
Nobody knows what it is yet.
Could be nothing could be something.
It varies from thyroid... lympth nodes swelling... all the way down to lymphoma, aka cancer.
They tell me not to worry.
It's best to prepare yourself for worse.
What if I am dying.
Atleast I'll be ready when my time comes.
After all we are all dying.
Life is inevitable.  
Life is unovoidable.
But death is inevitable as well.
There is no going around it.
You and I.
One day we are both going to die.
Maybe tomorrow maybe 13 years from now.
Life is not promised.
I remember last night.
I told her I could potentially be dying.
I told her not to worry.
I told her it probably isn't anything bad.
She tried to fight the tears then the began to flow.
Steady like a stream.
She was breaking because of me.
I told her I need you to be strong.
She said if I died she wouldn't go on.
She said you are the one I wanted all along.
What if this sky wizard called god is out to ruin us.
I asked why he would do that.
She just replied don't go cursing Sky wizards.
If there's a god I couldn't imagine him doing a thing.
Killing a girl at 16.
Taking my life when I've only just begun.
I used to beg for my end.
Little did I know I had only just begun.
Ana S Dec 2016
This is my fire range
The place I put my thoughts when they are rearanged.
Yes this is my firing range.
The only thing keeping me partially sane.
When I need to let go I hold on
This page gives me a new dawn
So yes this is my firing range
Where I fire the most hateful words
With a wirl in my brain.
Welcome to my firing range.
A metaphors

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