Sticks and stones and broken bones
in the cemetery where we left you to rot

Words sometimes hurt but never worse
than the ones left unsaid
especially when
you left right after we fought.


*s.mndi

So much resentment
Why had they not listened?
Some too focused on greed
Some mere victims  of life
Some lost in the abyss

So much resentment
Say they deserve it more
This mortal youth
Armed with reasons why
Because youth is wasted
On the young
Because we are too selfish
To deserve what we have

So much resentment
They want what they have lost
But nature will not allow it
No matter how many injections
No matter how much they pay

So much resentment
They've come up with a plan
Enslave us with petty excuses
On how life should be
Our vitality wasted

They drain our youth
They will continue to do so

Because if they can't have it
No one can

She swells
from her anger
until blue rivers
flow down her legs
as distinct
as though traced
by a tattoo artist.
He toils, resisting
temptations to apply
the balm that soothes
her soul, she boils
from residue
that falls
on her trail
as they walk together
through her daze.
Resentments sweep
across their fertile minds
caught among this labyrinth
of dreams, desires and fears.
They weather persistent
torrential storms  
pelting their being.

Your sorry
    And I agree
  But not with another
     Apology

So what?

She'd rather not dance the night away?

You're asking for less time than it took for the last guy to run away with her faith

So give her some space

Let love find it's own way

take that energy and find someone who will handle with care

Cause you're fragile too

This whole relationship isn't your average pack up job, you can't put fragile with fragile and just shut the box

Call me what you will, but I don't care for superficial friendships with people who want way too much more

So take what you will, because she wants to want you this isn't something you can conjure from thin air

Trust me if there was a potion she would drink it

She want's to want you, and when it comes to this It's seriously 50-50 on who hurts the most don't pretend it isn't

So realize what you're doing and curb your frustration

She's having the same sensation

So next time you want to play pity me and say you lost an opportunity

Think about what you're saying

She's lost something far worse

Think of what you could be for her if you stayed as less than you thought you paid for

Isn't that the kind of person YOU would fall in love with?

I still can't clearly comprehend who my father was. The only way I can find him is by thinking of everything I refuse to be. I still have memories of my father that have never been extremely clear. I guess you could say it's as clear as the muddy glasses I put on every time I want to forget the loss. I lost the man I wanted him to be. A role model, someone to love my mother in every direction you could imagine, I wanted him to be a man. When I think of who you are I can't form solidified answers because to be honest I don't think we've ever met. Name's Jon. We share DNA but this isn't something I take pride in saying. The story maps of our denials are wonderful depictions of why we could never really talk about things. Things we can't fully understand. Like how I would deny things like how bad the weather is, that my tummy is a little to jiggly, or that I honestly can't say no to a good beer. Your denials are slightly different. You have denied leaving two boys for one wonder woman to raise. You still won't tell me you are sorry, because in your eyes it's the world against you and your disposition. You deny eye contact with those around you because we all know your soul is unorthodox and burns if you look into it for too long. You remind me of the inconsiderate ******* who leave their brights on driving down the highway, they leave me ******* and hard to see my future. As I reached deeper into the bucket of something inside me that feels, I realize we have a few similarities. We both don't know hot wot act in public situations. Running has always been our initial response when our hedonic treadmill starts. I don't want to start. So I cut out the pieces of my life that resemble the ***** smell of your presence. I use those moments for encouragement and to find power in the unforgettable.

I’m lying in bed
******* on an electronic cigarette
After having a nice glass of absinthe
Which has left me with a warmth in my face

My father lied about “going down the shore to help Jimmy
Pal-Park install cabinets”
Instead he’s somewhere with I think Jimmy the Hook snorting seven hundred bucks of my dad’s retirement money up their noses

Coke

I’m not surprised
This happens every so often
Always has
For the past fifteen years of my life

He wouldn’t come home
My mom would freak out
He would answer the phone
Then he’d come home all ****** up, exhausted, strung out

Apologizing and begging us to take him back in
And we would


Mom would have me and my sister decide
We we’re ******* kids!
I was nine she was four
And my dad would be sobbing and sitting on the edge of his bed facing us with his inflamed nostrils
We couldn’t throw our dad away
So we’d let him back into our lives and allow ourselves to be hurt again

Not only did he betray our trust and our mom’s trust
But he used money we didn’t have to feed his addiction
We had to put a second mortgage on the house
My mom pushed to get promoted, knowing all the stress and hair ripping frustration that came with it
Even though she’s amazing at what she does, we all know she can’t handle the pressure
But she still carries on
My father is a hard worker
Worked all his life
But that mother ******* coke habit
******* it
******* him

When he went to rehab for twenty eight days
That’s when I tried *** for the first time
That’s when I cut myself for the first time
That’s when I knew I couldn’t trust anyone
That's when i tried to **** myself for the first time
Not even my own father

When we visited him
He looked red, puffy, eyes bulging, wrinkled and long haired
But he spoke of hopeful sobriety and God
What **** that was, he was back at again in a year
That’s when I stopped caring
I went into a reclusive state
I hated him
I hated every one
I hated myself

I began to take a good look at myself and my life
I distanced myself emotionally form my family
I couldn’t take it anymore, the wasted tears and wasted time
I became a mere guest in my own house
I only lived there

My mom always said she’d divorce him when I and my sister were done with college

She only stayed for the money
I think he stayed for the roof, the food and the medical benefits my mom got

And I don’t get it
My dad isn’t well
He’s diabetic
He’s got blood pressure problems
He’s got arthritis
He’s got bad knees
He’s got psychological issus
Rage
Mother issues
He’s a workaholic
He had ******* cancer!

Yet, he still continues to put ******* into his body
Completely disregarding his health, he’s family and his own life and dignity

I hate him
My mom hates him
My sister hates him

I promise, all of you, my family, my life and whatever God or spirit created us all and keeps us here on this strange trip we call life
I will never, ever, ever become my father
I will never forsake those I love for an idiotic, immature addiction

We tried to help him
We did what we could
And still do
I just don’t know anymore

I really don’t