Anxious
Oh, so anxious
my heart hammers in my chest
making my body sway
making my arms shake
I tremble and wobble
my mind a tornado of thoughts
my stomach churning and roiling
like a treacherous stormy sea
Anxious
Oh, so anxious
my breath is shallow
the breathing techniques aren't working
what do I do
panic rises up my throat
I feel detached from reality
everything sounds muted
like I'm not really there
all in my own world
as my anxiety threatens to overtake me

The day she committed suicide,
it was her twentieth birthday.
She was always shy,
rarely met with people,
seldom heard was her voice.

She loved to spend time alone,
talked and laughed at times,
then fell into silence for days—
until one day,
she fell silent forever.

Fighting mental illness is a little difficult,
but winning this battle is not impossible.
In memory of her, let us be a guiding light,
promote compassion and understanding.

In our hearts, a symphony of empathy thrives,
let us ensure that hope survives.
We can foster a world that’s kind and just,
where battling mental illness—
we rise, we trust.

The feeling of body and gender dysphoria is always present,
The hate for this body rises inside me, it conquers me,
The feeling of being trapped in the wrong body spreads like a infection,
The shapes feeding my insecurities, my dysphoria,
The gender I was born with, is a stranger to me,
I hate my brain, of thinking in a masculine way,
The realisation that I missed so much time of not being who I really am,
I hate parts of the society, who don’t accept me, who obtain my existence,
Fighting gender and body dysphoria is exhausting,
Will I ever experience body and gender euphoria?

Seasons come and go
like seas' uneven breathing,
deeply heaving.

High tidal breeze,
swells rise,
seizing;
lunar lock and keys hide
sleeping,
dreaming.

Full feelings
meet beaches
easily steaming,
waves crash breakwall,
mist smoke screening.

Then new sliver
smiles, teasing,
moon's silver filigree
grins sharp, gleaming;
shallow reefs peeking,
watery weeds,
wrists reaching feebly.

Dreary ceiling
and lighthouse
beacon needed
to cleave through these evenings
of nightmares creeping.

Heart darkened
by legions teeming
with evil heathens
and devils, demons,
towering behemoth
war machines ceaseless,
stampedes succeeding;
peacekeeper unseated,
depressive diseases breeding,
thieving and depleting reason,
leeching,
treasonous lesions bleeding;
feeding on weaknesses
eaten.

Meanwhile
free man
cartesian mapping
Elysian regions,
feet and knees freezing-
insomnia's silence screaming,
no egress,
yet adamantine,
unheeding,
eager to only
keep own legs
still leading,
each step meets concrete
through bleakness,
seeking bright beam's
lamplit sweeping
serene for me but
heat seething
these cretins
like a bee sting.

Dawn relinquishes,
shadows fleeing
back to the steepest peaks,
creatures beaten,
receding
as sun climbs east
egregiously defeating,
signing tomorrow's treaty agreement
before besiege on eden repeating.

eyes don’t lie,
but they’re shockingly
easy to miss.
glass irises got unnoticed,
bloodshot pupil silenced.
our eyes pretend
to be
omniscient,
so why
don’t
they
notice

Indigenous citizen
struggling to stay civilized
amidst
monolithic visages,
stone-faced and stoic witnesses;
overhead,
gargoyles grin—
hideous grimaces
guarding ever vigilant.

Inhospitable city grid
dimly lit,
rain's residual liquid
slicks
gritty asphalt
glistened,
blacktop igneous
pavement glittering–
shimmering
in rigid obsidian.

Hidden within this vision
visits
solitude, unsolicited–
loneliness exhibited,
never fitting in;
island imprisonment
as bridges begin
quivering
above stygian rivers grim,
abysmal reflections glint,
swimming in viridian.

Water's
brim risen
to its vertiginous limits
I see
flitting images
of cataclysmic collision
with frigidness
obliterating to oblivion.

A dismal wish
reminded by
a grisly glimpse
of figments vivid since
residual shiver imprints
from winter's winds
whipping shins
and thinning skin;
I cringe, wither, wince,
my eyelids squint–
but I still live, so
no longer motionless
my frostbitten digits grip,
limbs never given in
to blizzard's pins
or crystalline prisms–
I walk,
despite icy splinters
and misery digging in
my ambition wins.

I wonder why your schedule is never clear
Especially because it was last year
So please darling tell me
When did you get so interesting behind my back?

I wonder why you don't talk anymore
Especially with someone so sure
They would spend their life with you
When did you get so unattatched?

I wonder why you don't hold me anymore
Especially when it's the cure
To my anxious pain in my chest
But you say you're doing your best.

I wonder why you don't love me anymore
I wonder why you don't care anymore.
If you get frustrated everytime I am upset,
Then you won't like what happens next.

If I rip apart my skin
Then I would call you
And beg you to tell me
why.

Poison in my veins
Thoughts I cannot shake away
Slowly I’m fading