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What do I do now? I don't even want to think about it, think about
How my life is splitting apart at the seams and all of my panicked
Outcries are doing nothing to stop it.

Amazing, I think, that I've lasted as long as I have.
Maybe this is for the better?

I tell myself, but it tastes like a lie in my mouth.

If I cease to be Caligula, what do I have left
For myself. I am nothing, nothing!

Nobody truly understands that I am losing everything and am
Out of my mind with pain and fury. I can't stop
Thinking, why me? Why is it always me?

Can't I have good luck just one time? I'm not
Asking for much. I'm scared, no, terrified that my
Life is ending quicker than I ever anticipated. I wanted to die
Grandly, in a wild blaze of glory. Not with my whole life
Upturned, sinking slowly, suffering wildly,
Losing what I worked so hard to achieve,
And wishing I could go back and be great one more time.
Written by another para (who, obviously, goes by the name Caligula), in the future/ after I end his suffering and pack the daydream away to start over again
I've always searched the stars
Wondered if there could be something there
for me.
Maybe a home? Maybe an origin?
Maybe even love.
They say we are all made of
stardust.
Then why is it so hard to get along?
How can beings with stars inside of them feel
hate?
So every night, I search the stars,
wondering if, somewhere, maybe, just maybe,
someone is out there,
searching the stars
just like me.
Longing for love.
Family.
A home that is not just a place, though that sounds nice too, but a
feeling, a
person.
Who loves me as fiercely as the sun loves the moon,
so much that we will make an
eclipse
together.
Are these things really written
in the stars?
Written from the perspective of another para, Soren, who's a lot sweeter than Necare
I used to wonder what it was like to be
human.
Used to believe I was a monster simply because of what
I was.
Now I understand.
I choose to be a monster because
they
deserve
it.
I choose to ****, to rip lives apart because of
what they did to mine.
Nothing will ever
be
the
same.
I am not a monster because I am
not
human.
I am not evil because I am
different,
foreign,
unknown.
I am not feared because of my name or my skin, but because of my
rage.
I keep my promises, always.
They deserve what is
coming.
They deserve to see the same destruction they sent
me
and my people.
They deserve to weep, kneeling on the
burnt floor
as they mourn those who were
stolen
from them
cruelly.
And, if I die in the process, then I will
finally reunite
with my family in
Caelum.
My revenge will be as
cruel
as the
names
I was called.
Written by the same para (Necare) grown up/present day.
I wonder what it feels like
to be
human.
Something I have never been and will
never
be.
I wonder what it is like to have a
soul.
Certainly everything must be better when you're human,
right?
Humans look out for each other,
right?
I have never felt like a
monster.
But I know I must be, because people always
told me
I was.
Maybe, if I was human, I would finally deserve
to live.
Maybe, if I was human, I would finally belong, and no one would
hate me
anymore.
My family says to keep it all
inside.
They say humans are the true
monsters.
But that can't be true.
Can it?
Written from the perspective of one of my paras (Necare) when he was young.
Existing in a haze
Daydreams crowd her brain
She surrendered and smiled
Said, "I think I'll stay a while"
As she stared into space
And her mind began to race
The belonging that she chased
No longer did it evade

When

Alice, Alice, bleeding soul
Fled into her rabbit hole
Dreaming of a better world
Broken, mad and all alone
Alice, Alice, don't let go
But Wonderland is her true home
She needs it so she can cope
Madder than a hatter, Alice
Broke

So now she sits alone
She's lost track of time
Gazing into the distance
She exists within her mind
Sometimes she comes back
But joy she cannot find
So in her mind she'll drown
Falling deeper down, down, down

Alice, Alice broken soul
Lives inside her rabbit hole
Seeking out a better world
One where she'll never be alone
And they cry, "Alice, don't let go!"
But Wonderland is all she knows!
Reality holds no more hope
Madder than a hatter, Alice...

Alice, Alice hopeless soul
Held captive by her rabbit hole
Her daydreams will not let her go
Lost her mind so long ago
Alice, Alice, now she knows
Her Wonderland was all a hoax
Now she's just a shadow
Madder than a hatter, Alice
Choked
Personal, poetic rewrite of ALICE by Peggy

— The End —