i was told i overwhelmed you
i overshared my problems
the art of self sabotage is quite interesting isn't it

i was too much for you to handle
guess i wasn't good enough
this pathetic cycle of thinking returned once again

i shouldn't let a silly boy determine my worth
my confidence wavers now though
now i question everything, all because you left

i now spend every night
picking at my every flaw
and hating myself for it, wishing i could change

i wish you liked me
the way i liked you
every second my heart is tearing apart
and you don't even seem to care

it’s snowing again, my skin is getting dry
peeking out the window to hear the silent sound
god is staring down at me
gifting me my favorite part of the year with suffocation
i get it though
snowflakes trickle down the spine of the part of me left out for dead
staring at the sky
will you blink first, god?
my eyes leak salty tears
god i am so tired
im sorry i stopped believing in you but can you blame me?
all knowing god that gifts me the burden of depression in my favorite season that once brought me joy
my screaming prayers were never answered
things never got better, god
i begged and begged but you were never there
i wrote them on my arms and thighs begging you to never lose sight on the ruby red blood that was drained into the fresh snow
have you forgotten your children?
it was promised that things you had happen were for a reason but god
father if you will
why have my prayers and thoughts been turned away
triggered into suicide this is my last attempt
amen

I shouldn't be feeling this way I know
But every part of my heart beats for you
Every second of every day
All that's on my mind is you

There's a war going on in my heart
The soldiers stomping around the edges of each and every vessel
The voices shouting
But amidst the chaos, all I can think of is how I felt when we looked into each other's eyes

Those eyes of yours, that smile of yours
It feels like paradise whenever I venture into them
Our souls connected in an instant, they quickly became intertwined
And I just can't seem to forget it

you're back
but there's no promises
there's no guarantees
that there can ever be an "us"

my best friend
oh how i miss you
every part of my heart breaks
every time i remember how our friendship ended

we can't be friends without your family knowing
i wish i could take everything back
if you were still in my life
things would be different

my beautiful best friend
how i wish i could go back in time
and cherish those last moments with you longer
i miss you so much

why do i give so much of my heart
to those who just choose to rip it apart
it's exhausting
and i'm tired of it

finally a beam of light shining through
the darkness of the storm
nothing was ever hopeful for her
but when he walked in, he walked in with that light

light travels fast though
just as he did
he left before he could become submerged in the storm
and she's miserable now

i wish you cared
the way i care for you
i wish you'd put in effort
the way i was willing to do
but i guess i wasn't worth it to you

wishing i understood then
the complexity of your trauma
wishing that i wasn't so pushy
that i didn't overwhelm you

i'm sorry that i made you feel that way
i just wanted to understand you
i wish you could come back
just let me help you