I’ve been asleep
inside my head
my pillow is soft
but my blanket like lead
falling off
it slips
I doze
My feet come cold
my toes
exposed
I tug and turn
inside my dream
I pull and stretch
and tear the seam
And in my sleep
I spill the wind
dreams of
frosts that ****
and a sun that grins
Now with the chill
against my chest
I wake with eyes
that find no rest
between winter sheets
I’m as cold as dead
It’s just a leak
in my waterbed

I waited for you
with insomnia in the eyes and summer on the skin.
I planted hope at the left-side:
the one of reason, the one of love
and this time, I weighed the regret
and anger escaped.
Can you see the nightmares in my eyes?
They are bits
of a night
without you.

Pins upon my pillow
puncturing my brain
Sprinkling out my dreams
like sleeping in the rain
Flowing out my nightmares
Rivers run in my bed
Swimming in my dreaming
Plugging holes in my head
My mattress is floating
My soul is sinking slow
Down the river drowning
and in my dreams, I row…row… row…

Why there are cicadas - a tinnitus story
written November 1st, 2021

One day there was a small child
who woke up in the night
to the sound of cicadas.
Her grownup comes in to check on her.
The small child doesn't talk very much.
She looks at the grownup and rubs her ears.

Her grownup asks, "Does the noise bother you?"
The small child nods yes.
The small child's eyes ask...
Why is it there?
What does it mean?
Why does it never stop?

Her grownup smiles and tells her...
Those are cicadas dear one
they knew that sometimes
you were lonely and afraid
so they came
hundreds of them
thousands of them
to keep you company
so you would never be alone.

If you wake up
and wonder if you are safe
just listen for the cicadas.
I know they are loud sometimes
they just want to be sure
you know they are there
so relax into the sound
float on it knowing
you are not alone
and go back to sleep dear one.

I share my bed with demons.
Goblins, and Rakshasa,
And Japanese Oni
stain my sheets,
already crimson,
with red hot unrest.
They do not speak in whispers.
They do not close their eyes.
Together we lie and toss,
And think and sleep
Not a wink, not a wink!
Just listen to the
Crickets and wind and,
below us,
Hear slow, steady,
Heartbeats of
the hell they call home.

Follow sulfur incense strings,
My mercy, down to the
ninth circle of my bed.  
**** the swelter of
this under-the-covers underworld,
Drown touch-starved fires
with holy water sweat.
Suffocate a roomful of shadows,
with a fistful of light.
Guide my way to dreams.

Save me, save me, save me.

When you are not with me
I share my bed with demons.

For a moment,
a minute maybe,
an hour,
my head went under

it wasn’t thrashing gasps
or clawing to froth the surface,
just a steady,
non-negotiable weight
that spoke to my ankles
of depths

I tried to keep my eyes up
following the lipped bubble trail
to the howling truth above
but when my head dropped
the blue belows almost soothed

finally, before lungs gave,
tired fingers relented,
worried the knots,
freed the old strokes loose