When I look at myself
I see someone I’m ashamed to be
I see someone who is not who they wanna be
I see me

I'M BEGGING, my head can only take so much.
         Nothing helps me. Except, maybe your touch?
         All alone and completely powerless.
         Why? When you've helped me overcome this.
I'M CRYING till the ringing, in my head, stops.
         What are they? They're bad thoughts causing teardrops.
         Eyes overflowing with tears of defeat,
         thinking to myself, "why must this repeat"?
I'M TRYING to fight but I just can't win.
         Is this what I deserve? Am I a sin?
         Must the battle go on, when you have won?
        My spirit, broken. Mind and body? Done.


               Please, what more can I say? I'm begging.
                        Please, before death is my only ending.

I do wonder why you chose me,
     Could it be my foreign looks,
     Or perhaps you wanted to add an Asian to your books
Why on earth indeed, especially when you're free?
I hope it's because we're destined to be,
     But I feel as if I'm on a hook.
     This feels surreal just like out of a book;
I do wonder how you love me.
  I have a volatile mind,
       That will not cease doubts
  From overflowing until I'm out-shined.
  I feel drained from being entwined
        With my thoughts, hoping for that final knockout.
        Hoping for all this to end - yes, I know I'm a sellout.
  But this is my life; I will not be out-shined.

These monsters that live in my brain,
Are constantly circulating,
screaming,
Dying of pain.
My soul struggles,
reaching for an escape,
Before this snake,
Induces a forced ****.
My heart feels nothing but anger,
And it's weighted down,
by a heavy steel anchor.
An anchor so muscular,
It's dragged me down to my grave,
So here I am.