I miss you most at 11pm
when I'm lying in bed
all alone.
I let my mind wander
and dance with the thought
of you,
finally coming home.

I miss you most
when my arms are empty
and you're not here to hold.
You think
I'd be used to this by now;
but the other side of the bed -
It's still so cold.

I swear that I miss you,
just hearing your voice
playing over in my head.
I wish I could rewind
and say all of the things
I wish I would have said.

I miss your kiss
that I never got to feel
though I've played it over in my head
too many times.
If you ever were to come back,
I'd be waiting here;
it's me that you would find.

And I miss you most
when I hear your laugh
in the pages of my mind.
It's still hard for me,
I can't seem to realize:
*we ran out of time.

I would let you fall asleep on top of me
and stroke your back
as your labored breathing
heaves your chest
up and down
on mine.
And I would twirl your hair
around my finger
while
Simultaneously
kissing your forehead.
I would
trace circles on your porcelain skin
as your eyelashes flutter
with your dreams I will never see.

Come here
and
Let me hold you;
Tightly
Longingly
Loosely but
I won’t let go,
not until
you wake up
and stir so lightly
against my chest.

But even then.
Even then.
*I’ll still be holding you.

I XXI MMXV


I read the words in this book now
but you're gnawing at the back of my mind
Always.
I had to put the book down
because the words on the page
were becoming intertwined
with thoughts of your eyes
and the crinkle in your smile
and the way I miss you most
when it's only been a little while.

Let me hold you once more;
these sheets are-
my Heart is-
empty
without you.

You're my best-kept secret,
my one-time fling.
The only source of this heartbreak,
yet - still -
everything.

Your absence is suffocating,
the last droplets of your name escape my lungs.
Don't worry, darling;

*I'll be gone when the morning comes.

Dear Lord,
Can you hear me?
I've been praying so long that someone would be,
I've been praying so long that someone will see,
the truth behind these eyes
and the
sadness in this smile.
I'm searching for my other half,
my one and only,
my soulmate.
Where is she, God, can you help me?
I've placed so much in the hands of fate.

See there's a hole in my heart
that never fully healed.
My whole life, I've been waiting
for something that's real.
I need someone to show me
what I haven't felt in years;
Please, give me someone
who will break down these walls
& help me let go of these fears.

And Dear God,
Can you see me?
I'm over here
on bended knee,
I'm not too proud to beg,
but see;

I miss the butterflies,
I miss the forehead kisses.
I miss the feel of her against me,
and the 11:11 wishes.
I could have the whole world, but
it's the little things I'm always missing.

Dear God...