i don't know
               what to do
     the surface
                            of the
                                   w
                                   a
                                   t
        is                        e
             gone              r
          and
i'm  
                         ­       d
                                r
                      ­          o
                                w
                   ­             n
                                i
                ­                n
                                g
in
   the
                                  weight

                      ­                            of
                                  ­                       the
                                                             ­   world
i don't know
              when
                       i'll
                           go


                  can i become a kid again?
and live?

She stares at the ceiling
cracks whispering her name,
over and over.
hundreds of tiny breaks hid by glass skin

Wrists a scarred mess
carrying every
“I’m ok”
like a rock in her chest
a temple of happy lies
but when one brick falls,
the walls crack open

Dancing in the shards of glass and debris
sharp edges,
bleeding heels,
every cut,
a reminder she will never be herself again
each shard embedded,
an endless silent scream

but when she shatters,
it's not like the movies,
no slow-motion
or music
only the raw snap of a soul
pushed too far
bending
until it breaks,
shattered into a thousand pieces

glassgirl no more

i never seem
to be able to

to be able to
be
accepted

to be able to
belong

but
fitting in
is

different than
belonging


molding yourself
Into the
neatly
labelled
boxes
life sets out for us

to fit in


becoming what people want from you

hiding your
true self.
hiding behind a mask

hiding yourself

fitting in.

i see your eyes in the mirror
the same icy blue
i hear your voice when i speak
and yell
but now i feel the words hit me
and bounce off
                           "the apple never falls far"
                           "you're just like me"
no
i will never be
we may share a face,
and may have the same last name,
but we will never be the same

i will never be you
i refuse

i slip
          under the ice

i bang on the surface
                              and yell

no one hears
                   my cries
                                  for help

the air leaves my lungs

                  “why should i try?

                                                  if no one cares”

i slip
                              under the surface

        the breath

                   choked out

                                                of my lungs

falling

          freezing

                      floodin­g

                                   engulfing

overwhelming

farewell,

o

cruel


world

flying
higher
and
higher
floating
fluttering
above the world
then
torn down
by reality
but this time
i'll never
wake
up

dreams
crows
and corvids
perched on
gravestones
running
faster
until takeoff
sprouting
seeds
trees growing

i would fly
soar
above the world
if i could
just keep from waking up

why must we be
limited
by this creature
we call home?

why do we have to
settle for what
this can do?

why must we go through
so
much
to feel happy?

why do we have to
exist
at all?

why can't we just
go and live
in our dreams?

why do we have to
wake up?

why can't we keep
dreaming?

why can't i just
                        cease to exist
     i don't want to die
                                 i just don't want to live anymore
because it's just so hard
                                  there are
                thousands of people who want me dead
    but i don't
             i just don't feel like living anymore
because it hurts
SO MUCH
           maybe
                                            i shouldn't
    keep
                        going
                ­                         just lie down
                                         and give up