Can't possibly forget
your red
flaming lips
from then on I was obsessed
with you
and i felt it deep
beautiful memories
heavenly like stars
you light up this light
in me
in the dark nighttime
can't possibly forget
the passionate kissing
i'm attached
stability of life you provide
through ordinary nights
you open a door for me
through the warm and cold times
you are the one
i gave my heart and soul to
i loved you so real i couldn't let go of you
we've known each other
cherished each other
you're the one i'm sure
that made me so freaking wonderful
and bold
and not worry about scars
or wounds
when we were friends.

on a night where we're not quite in
our right minds
we say all sorts of different things,
and who knows how much of it
either of us really means?
but regardless of genuinity,
we said what we wanted to
and in the end, it was for the benefit of who?
then when it came to me, you didn't even say
you had to go.
you were up & done;
~freshly satisfied and ghosting like a pro

There is zero emotion in your eyes
But
the way we cuddle,
makes my heart warm.
But
When I think of loving you -
my heart ceases to beat,
I realise I am only here
because I'm scared to be alone,
scared to love.
And so are you.

satisfying my
****** desires,
was all
I planned.
but
your lips,
your hands,
your hips,
your eyes,
you entice me,
you.
you’re all i think about.
you.
you made me fall for
you.

with each other,
we played around,
****** around
as one would say
“never catch feelings”
our one and
only rule

but

a rebel at heart,
i was.
to break rules was a
part of myself.

“i think i’m in love.
with her.”

again it has happened,
that radio silence, that
perfect broken brilliance;
so familiar, so threatening,
that hum of anxious breaths
and tongues and chests,
my glass has shattered
again and the blood has
filled the floor and i
step towards you too eager
to kiss the wounds
on your feet and ankles
and pray to god you
kiss me back and you do;
there is a nineteen-year-old
inside whose heart begins
to burst but there is a grown
woman out here pretending to
be into this tragedy
this destruction of naivety
this stranger who continues
to call himself my friend;  
maybe one day he'll mean it

i don't know if i want to kiss your lips or just your skin
I just know i'm falling
but I’m afraid I’ll hit the ground hard. And I don't want to.
Can your arms hold the weight of my love? Or do they just want to hold my naked body?
Are you sure it's the best idea to just see where things go?
You make me think love isn’t a real thing
sometimes it seems beautiful
    fictional
        toxic
             deadly…
You still kiss me like i'm what you want
but i know it's just a game to you
Please don't be surprised if one day i refuse to participate.
you're patronizing
                inconsiderate
                     cold  
                 debilitating
                
but somehow you still find the words and continue dragging me along.

i'm not sure if you're really toxic….
or it's just all in my head.
because i love you
I think I love you?
Or maybe, i only love you when you're in my bed.
I still haven’t decided