i apologize
for all the things i never said anything
for all the times i didn't speak up
for all the times i let you make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin
for all the times i let you make me feel guilty
for all the times i let you get away it
for all the times i let you win
for all the times i let you make me cry at 2am

i apologize for never telling you
that you were ruining everything about me
that you made me hate myself
and that this hate continues to run through my veins
for you
and for me
and everything that slipped through the cracks in between
as you broke me

Give me your pain, give me your sorrow
I feel what you feel
You don’t deserve to hold on to this but see, I do.
Some of us are meant to live in the deep end, constantly trying not to drown.
Occasionally thinking how much easier it would be to just go down.
See, for me there is no way out. If you have found yours, give me the weight of what you carry and go.
If there is any purpose I’ve found, this is it.
How can I survive through so much pain if that isn’t true?

The sensation of your lips

That I can't feel anymore

The movement of your hips

That I had previously longed for

The feeling of your f*

That I yearned for
   before


I went numb



and the emotion drained for my lips
from my lips to my heart
oh where will pins and needles become a thing again
lost sight through my eyes
the power of my brain
all because you hurt me
every time
all the same
I begin to be worried
for you
not myself
and then i realized
my empathy for you doesn't matter
if i can't feel anything for myself