I think I fell in love again, the other day
Because I can't stop thinking about the way his fingers felt as they brushed my skin in that mindless, simple way of his and I feel guilty for liking it I think I fell in love again, the other day Because the thought of his smile makes me feel like I am made of sparklers shining inside where before there had been darkness that I embraced I think I fell in love again, the other day Because my stomach feels like its tying itself in knots when I think about how temporary it was how it felt like a moment of peace carved out of a carcass of wartime I think I fell in love again, the other day And I'm terrified because somewhere between you and him between the doubts and the accusations between holding hands and daydreaming between not yelling and screaming on the inside between memorizing your features and watching you leave I found myself thinking that my love isn't good enough and I struggle to drag my self worth up the mountain I threw it down for you
July 25, 2014
It feels like the moment Just before a roller coaster Drop. Front seat, eyes wide, But the weight of the cars behind Gives you the time to recognize There's no going back. II. The mix of almost fear, adrenaline and excitement was enough to take ancient armies to war and cause feuds that destroyed whole civilizations. III. Here's you. Sitting, Watching, Knowing. Opening your mouth Wide, Wider, Sheer terror in your veins Lifting your hands in the air. IV. Given the chance, You'd do this every day For the rest of your life.
July 12th, 2014
Like chocolate cake
but sweeter, somehow though it isn’t cake at all like sharing icing with your best friends Like sugared oranges sticky and saccharine too sweet to be healthy but so satisfying to eat til you’re sick Like a cavity after orajel the pain numb but the taste as well better, not worse, and quickly getting used to it Like dancing in the rain your ears deaf to shouts of those who tell you to go inside and dry off because you’re happy here.
May 15th, 2014
it tastes like bile in the back of your throat
feels like tears stinging behind your eyes like a migraine just beginning like a high pitched whine at the highest volume it seeps into things unrelated tinting your favorite colors flavoring your favorite foods putting white noise in all your favorite songs it leaks onto your friendships staining arms after hugs leaving laughs polluted reflecting in eyes that’d trust you with anything it screams at it wins the sound one of terrifying joy “burn!” it commands but you are made of stone and mortar it fills your chest with unease your fingertips with trembles your mind with final conclusions your lips with lies that taste like sugar “I don’t” but you don’t mean that “I don’t want” but you do “I can’t” but you can “I won’t” but you will.
May 14th, 2014
The sort that slips between your toes and fingers that cakes your clothing and leaves all things unclean Worms that you dodge after a rainstorm walking the whole way on your toes as to not crush them but the sickening slick sound of inevitably misstepping and killing one anyway Rain that covers you from head to toe that steals the heat of your body and gives it to the unforgiving air that rebirthing metaphor that doesn’t seem to be working Thunder but in the distance none of the power that threatens none of the shaking terror just a memory of something lost
May 8th, 2014
Like falling to the earth, your wings aflame
but realizing that it isn't fear you're feeling Like trying to keep yourself in perfect balance but tempted, sorely tempted, to let go Like telling yourself not to fly too close to the sun but loving the way the burn cleanses Like telling yourself not to fly too close to the waves but tasting freedom in salty sea air Like the moment when you realize you will fall but accepting the inevitable with a smile Like the spiraling decent toward your fate but it feels like a roller coaster Like the squeak and complaint of gears this contraption wasn't made for this Like a father's cry of complete horror but weren't we aiming for escape? Like the fear and attempt of saving your life but don't martyrs die for freedom? Like the scream of pure delight ripped from your smile A trail of feathers all that remains of your inhibition
April 21st, 2014
Today, it rained
The liquid poured from the sky As if the gods were screaming Yelling their triumph from the heavens And showering their domain in the blood of nonbelievers Today, it poured The sound of rain on the library roof is something of a dull roar Like the sound of a Roman crowd screaming for their champion as they face the beast from below Like the sound of sword on shield the repeated beat of boots on ground of smiles red with blood and faces lined with sweat. Like the sound of tire on pavement of speed unchecked and controlled of a kiss on the lips and a tangling of breath of lightning forking through the sky Like the feeling of feeling again Of numbness washed away Of loneliness swirling in a drain Of the rebirth of Peebles, Kay
April 15th, 2014
Like taking a deep breath
Clean cold oxygen Clear of pollution Where before you had known only CO2 and smoke Like smiling for the first time Not for any person Not for friends or family Not for teachers or mentors but for yourself Like opening your eyes For where before You had known only darkness You realize there had Always been light Like spreading your arms Feeling nothing but cool wind Crisp against tender skin But rising off the ground And taking flight
April 15th, 2014
It feels like seeing chocolate cake
And when no one's looking Swiping a finger across Like icing in your mouth And a glance to see if anyone saw Sugar on your tongue Like the little smear on your lip No one wants to comprehend But everyone sees Like slowly, carefully Licking it off your fingers In full view of the world Like smiling widely Knowing no one knows Your mouth still tasting of it Like sitting patiently Hands folded in innocence Waiting for your own slice of cake Like getting your piece last But having it taste of Going back for seconds
April 7th, 2014
It feels like holding your breath
until your lungs ache and your ribs creak because your heart is beating so fast complaining for lack of oxygen but you won't you won't breathe who cares if it hurts? who cares if your throat burns and your eyes water? for even water is part oxygen and perhaps the pain would stop if you inhale and find two parts hydrogen as well.
March 25th, 2014