I hear both your words and the unspoken thoughts behind them.
I hear the whispers of judgment that fall between the cracks in the floor and are felt from the other end of the telephone.
While I don't need your acceptance, it's still hard to accept that, as your daughter, you still don't see me.
What you focus on is what I lack in your eyes, and all that needs to be "fixed."
I am so much more than my shortcomings, and I deserve love and respect, even as an imperfect being.
I realize that now.
Yet, after all these years, your judgment still stings, and my heart continues to ache with the pain it brings.
So, I love you from a distance, so that I can safeguard my heart, so that I can remain whole.
I refuse to dwell among those who seek to undermine me.
I have won too many wars to fight another battle with myself.

-Rhia Clay

She looks in her eyes,
Seeking the light that never dies,
Even when the shadows rise.

Her face still glows
Like the brightest star is the sky,
Even In the deepest lows,
Gentle as a doe.

Not just a impressionist
Or a perfectionist,
But also a professionist.

Wisdom is wrapped in her tenderness,
Strength disguised as her gentleness.
Full of fire, full of grace,
She walks her path at her own pace.

With contrast in personalities,
we got the similarities.
Cause our heart share the same tides,
And Without any hindrance she guides.

Sometimes a warrior, sometimes a swarm
Yet she always keeps me warm.
Because She is, and always will be,
My super duper mom.

Mẹ,

I am hurt by the way things have ended. How do you struggle with your second language, but know exactly what words jab at my dignity? The lack of “I love you”s as I grow up is justified, yet at the times you desire, you’re suddenly fluent in the language of breaking my heart. You articulate clearly and concisely, every syllable stabbing into my spirit as I swallow the lump in my throat. I still bite my tongue with remorse for growing into what you want to be. I choke down any remarks that would make you think less of me (less of you).

You compare me to the man who broke us, but I refuse to see him in the mirror. I have your left dimple, and my brother’s skin that contrasts yours so vividly like the branches that hold your dear orchids next to the porcelain in the glass closet that’s as fragile as your ego. My eyes come from what I have overcome, and the fire in my heart is God. I wish you saw His glory within me, and not the beast that you married.

I wish you weren’t so embarrassed of yourself. I wish you felt familiarity in a country as foreign as mine. For despite all you have done, I want to show you off. I am sorry for how you raised me. Most of all, I forgive you for all the apologies I never received. May you perceive yourself with grace.

Love,
your daughter

Do you think of me as your baby?
Do you want to take my pain away?
Would you take it on
so it’s not on me?
Because I’m yours
and you’re here to stay?

It always makes me feel so crazy
How much I want you
but can’t stand the thought
How easy it would be and how hard
You only wanted someone like you
Maybe one day I’ll be glad that I am not

It feels so wrong to think about moving on
as if our connection is something impermanent
As if you chose me and regretted it since
I know there’s nothing that you owe me
But you’ve always known the expectation
And I think you resent me because you failed

It’s always made me feel so lonely
Sometimes I think I’m less of a woman
because of you
Learned everything through the lens of my daddy
until he crushed and wasted me, too

I never feel as angry now
I fought for you, not knowing what I was up against
And when you were crying at the counter
I tried to love you
You couldn’t let me in

I follow behind you
Bouncing as you go
So full of joy
I can't help but think
What will you become?

Golden hair flows behind
Tossed by the wind
Will it stay gold?
Or fade with age
Darken before my eyes

Less than knee height
A tripping hazard
Bruised knees
***** feet
Will you always be clumsy?  

Slurred speech
Words unfamiliar
Say what you think
Repeat what you hear
Will you truly speak?

A high pitched whine
Emotions uncontrolled
Chaos inside
But nothing is wrong
Will you have reasons to cry?

You wear a sparkly dress
Butterfly sandals
Marker stains
Claim to be a princess
Will you always love beauty?

Scribbles on paper
And tables and skin
Painting your arms
Driveways full of chalk
Will the world be your canvas?

I want time to stop
Still it flows on
Glimpses of the future
Even as she runs
Will I be there to see it?

My dearest angel,
How you’ve grown
From a bean into a flower
I stand in awe of your bloom.

My dearest angel,
The light that bled the dark
Took away my demons,
The moment I felt your heart.

You are the spark that lit the lantern
For me to walk to guide you through,
And every thing I am I owe to you.

My dearest angel,
You are the pride of my soul,
The reason for living when none other is given,
I see you and find my control.

You are seasons and holidays
You are lemonade and summer parades
Fireworks and museums displays
All of me written within you tattooed on your face
When you smile I see myself,
My dearest angel.

When it just feels like one year
But 17 has gone and come,
From the morning I felt your eyes shoot open
I spent every day cautiously hoping—
I won’t ***** it up, and lose my focus
To give you everything I never,
Well I guess I’ll never—
Know if you could ever
Forgive if I have ever let you down.

So sing a prayer for me,
Let me see you open a gift
Like the one you have given
And know that I’ll be there wishing,
As the candles go out,
Please let me steal one more moment,
To savor the time.

My dearest angel of mine.

Sicilian:
Àncilu miu cchiù caru,
Comu criscìsti
Di na fava in ciuri
Sugnu ammiratu dâ to fiuritura.

Àncilu miu cchiù caru,
La luci ca sanguinava lu scuru
Purtava li me dimoni,
Lu mumentu ca sintìa lu to cori.

Tu sì la scintidda ca addumau la lanterna
Pi mia a caminari pi guidarivi,
E ogni cosa ca sugnu ti lu devu.

Àncilu miu cchiù caru,
Tu si l’orgogliu di l’anima mia,
La raggiuni di vìviri quannu n'àutra nun è data,
Ti vìdu e attruvu lu me cuntrollu.

Siti staggiuni e festi
Tu siti limunata e sfilati estivi
Mostra di fochi d'artificiu e musei
Tuttu di mia scrittu dintra di te tatuatu ntâ to facci
Quannu surridi mi vìdu,
Lu me cchiù caru àngiulu.

Quannu pari sulu n'annu
Ma 17 ha jutu e vinutu,
Di la matina sintìa l'occhi ca s'aprìanu
Passava ogni jornu cu cautela spirannu...
Non lu ruvinu e pirdu la cuncintrazzioni
Pi dariti tuttu chiddu ca mai,
Ebbè, penzu ca non lu fazzu mai...
Sapìri si putissi mai
Scusa si ti haiu mai delusu.

Dunca canta pri mia na prighera,
Lassami vidiri grapiri nu rigalu
Comu a chidda ca hai datu
E sapi ca ci sugnu vulennu,
Comu s'astutanu li cannili,
Ti pregu lassami arrubbari n'autru mumentu,
Pi gustarisi lu tempu.

Lu me cchiù caru àngiulu meu.

When did time become cruel
Stealing moments away
As the years clock out your youth,

Every bird flies away from the nest
Every cub becomes a bear,
When the rivers run quick
Don’t be afraid to swim the currents
And find where you fit in.

If wishing wells were real
I’d pour my wealth into the bottom.
I’d wish to go back to the time that we lost
Watching you blossom from just a wee bud
Give you all that I knew at the cost
Knowing some truths hurts more than fiction.

Remembering when you couldn’t stand tall
And the smallest little smirk when you walked vs crawl
Seeing the way you made sense of this all
Like the world was a puzzle you always knew how to solve
And now that you’re here I can’t shake this off
A fear that you’ll never need me again and I fall
Down to my knees and pray that you know.:

I love you, my little bean

And should you ever call
If ever in need —
I can be your shield and armor
Need a sword, I’ll be there and nothing can harm us
Swing for the head and we’ll **** this hydra
I’ll be there to be a prop if you need to stand taller.

Together, maybe we can slow down time,
But no matter the weather, I’ll be there rain or shine
If no one says it, then I’ll yell it louder.
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU BABY!
My beloved daughter.

She Showed Me How

She came into this world so fast,
A moment stamped into my past.
I was young—too young to know
How deep a father’s roots must grow.

I loved her, yes, but love alone
Can’t raise a child or build a home.
I stumbled, scared, without a plan,
Half-boy, half-heart, not yet a man.

The years moved on, she grew apart,
And guilt pressed heavy on my heart.
A bond undone, a missed first day,
A thousand things I didn’t say.

Then came her—my brand new wife,
A steady soul who lit my life.
She saw the cracks I tried to hide,
And stood not back, but by my side.

She didn’t scold the boy I’d been,
She met the man I am within.
With kindness, patience, grace so wide,
She drew my daughter to our side.

She opened doors I’d left closed tight,
Spoke softer truths, turned wrongs to right.
Invited joy where silence grew,
And helped me learn what dads must do.

Now laughter rings where doubt once lay,
My daughter knows I’m here to stay.
And every smile we share right now
Begins with her—she showed me how.

For all I missed, for where I fell,
She loved me through and loved me well.
And in her hands, I found my way—
A father formed, a debt I’ll pay.

© 2025 Shawn Oen. All rights reserved.