unfortunately, english is too small a language
to say just how much I love you
the words seem to shrink in my mouth
like a candle trying to explain the sun
like a tear trying to explain a life of feeling broken
like a flower trying to explain the spring bloom
what i feel for you can not be summarized in a phrase
it is a telling of my history unfolding,
leading up to the greatest decision of my life

when you entered my life,
it was as if the earth tilted a little closer to warmth
as though the seasons themselves
rewrote their calendars to honor your arrival

i had lived in a room without windows
convinced the walls were all there was
until you arrived
and the first crack of light became my beacon of hope

you are not just beauty
you are the architecture of wonder
bridges that arc across a sea of despair,
pillars that hold my chaos steady,
a compass that insists i was never truly lost
only waiting to be found by you

your laughter rewrites gravity
it tugs at everything weary in me
and lifts it skyward.
even silence bends around you,
becoming music to the ears that should hear nothing

if i could chart the galaxies

they would spell your name in constellations.
if i could question the gods
they would confess they sculpted love itself
by studying your face.
and if eternity demanded tribute
i would offer the sum of my life
and still feel the debt unpaid.

every heartbeat i carry
is an oath sworn in your direction.
my blood moves not to keep my alive,
but to keep me marching toward you.

and when the stars finally burn out,
when the universe folds into silence,
when history forgets even its own name,
my love will remain,
etched in the ruins of time,
a flame outlasting the very concept of fire

I do not simply love you.
I am remade by you.
every breath, every scar, every day and night we spend together
becomes an epic that begins and ends
with the sound of your name

I am terrified.
not of you,
never of you
your love is the one thing I could trust without question.
what i fear is everything else

i fear four years will swallow us whole
that the empty weeks, months, years between our visits
will stretch so wide we lose ourselves inside them
i fear the waiting, the missing,
the endless ache of wanting
with no way to hold you close

i fear waking up alone,
day after day,
month after month,
year after year,
until the memory of your warmth
feels like a dream i once had
instead of a life we share.

i fear the slow erosion
not betrayal,
but distance grinding down the edges of us
until one day we don’t fit together
the way we used to.

i know you love me.
it took me a while to truly accept it, but i’ve accepted it
i know i love you
a type of love that shouldn’t be possible for a few months relationship
a type of undying, unfettering love, that drives my very existence
a type of love that i know will best fear in the end,
but love right now feels fragile against time’s cruel hands
what if its not enough?
what if these years
build walls higher than our arms can reach
roads longer than our hearts can walk?

i dont want to lose you to silence,
to calendars,
to the simple cruelty of not being able
to see your face when i need it most
(not just over a phone, but in person, where i can hold you in embrace
that completes my soul, and gives me purpose)

i want us to survive
more than anything
and know i will do whatever i can to make sure that happens
but id be lying
if i didnt say i was so scared
oh what distance can do
even to the strongest love.

i dont share this with you to cast doubt on us
i dont share this with you to try and strike fear
i want nothing more than for us to survive
i love you more than anything
i literally cannot function without you
you are the smile that gets me through the day
and stops me from breaking down
stops me from just staying here, where i lay, not moving, not doing anything with my life
you are my energy, my fire, my happiness and joy
you are my everything

but a wise friend once gave me some advice
he said “matt, one thing for any ldr to work,
no matter how silly or serious the matter
whether you think the other needs to hear it or not,
whether it could impact the relationship or not,
whether it may hurt or aid your partner,
whether you plan to act on it or not,
if you think something, you need to tell your partner.
tell them everything, before you don’t have that opportunity anymore.”

so i tell you babe, with all the love in my heart, im scared, and im so sorry that i am
but i need you to know that i am.
that wont stop me from fighting for this, with everything i’ve got, but i need you to know,
i am scared.

As the darkness surrounds my room
I type unspeakable words
To the only one that cares,
Yet he can't be here

The pain of being attached to something
You can't see
Or hear
The craving of his touch
That's way too far to reach you

You see the words on the screen
Yet you feel so alone
He cares, and you know that
But does he really?

I drop my phone
As i lay down, staring at the pretty white ceiling
Counting each second closer to our goal
I might be young but one thing i know for sure

Love is complicated

I gripped her hips, matching her rhythm, feeling her tightness envelop me. It was pure ecstasy. Every ******, every movement, sent waves of pleasure through me. I watched her, mesmerized by the way her body moved, the way her ******* bounced with each ******, the way her face contorted in pleasure.

I gazed upon her, ******* cast away,
Her thick hips swaying, a tantalizing display.
Each garment she shed, an invitation to sin,
My anticipation surged, aching to begin.

With deliberate grace, she unveiled her form,
My desire ignited, a feverish storm.
The sweet scent of her essence, a delicate tease,
Tickled my senses, brought me to my knees.